Hey all, been a while since I been on here, I went through a big purge and tried to beat the girl up again, lol. That didn't work she will never go away.... first a little back ground on myself... I am 30 years old and knew from like age 5 I was a girl, grew up trying to beat it,
tattoos, army, mma,boxing, fast cars, met a girl fell in love back when I believed I could beat her, When I met my wife I didn't know what transgender was or that transition was possible(I live in the south, and lets face it in the best of places information isn't exactly readly available. Any way I am a combat vet and was seeing a psychiatrist for ptsd, after several sessions I revieled to him I thought I was a woman and some how I ended up male, he asked all the pertinent questions, let me know that I wasn't a freak or sick, told me what it was, he said he couldn't treat me for that bc of army regulations, and I could hve lost my benefits for being trans, but he told me to look it up on the net and find a therapist that dealt with transgender issues. So full of questions I went home and spent a whole night discovering what it wasto be transgender, I was relieved that I wasn't alone but horrified that I was married and couldn't transition, I live with my entire extended family on a small stretch of land in Alabama, we all hve separate houses but real close religious family, I told my wife I was trans, and she was supportive for a while, well she got pregnant and we now have a 3 month old daughter, hence my conundrum of late,,,, I thought I was screwed, hope left me, until three days ago, I had spent the last 12 months purged of her as best I could, My wife noticed and has noticed I am not happy haven't been since we got togeather 6 years ago. She told me my daughter will never see me as a woman, It doesn't matter that parenting has nothing to do with what you look like, I know people who look like normal people who suck at it. But I was desperate three days ago, and I had been give a number by Alabama lgbt, I called it told the therapist on the other side I was scared and upset and I was at the end of my rope, I hated myself and I still suffer from guilt. But after reaching out to atleast 50 trans people that many therapist or more that didn't return emails or calls in the months leading up to now, no one would listen, my new therapist did, God bless her so much, she didn't even have an available and she squeezed me in, she also asked me before the appointment to tell her what was going on, my history and no others would do that, because a lot of them want that money upfront, if they talk to you before that then you might not need them, she was not like that, she helped me without regard of money, anyone in Alabama that needs a therapist message me and Ill give you her number. She is awesome... The point being I want everyone to find the right therapist, do they take the time to get to know you, is there first thought helping you?
or getting paid? We all have to eat, and work done deserves pay, but not to talk to someone who is in need is wrong, God bless those who go out of there way to help us.
