Yeson booked

[ReDucks]

One thing they insisted was that I use full voice all the time when doing exercises, to develop my new voice without any 'tricks' besides consciously shifting my resonance to my head as best as possible using the exercises to develop that and to make sure I work throughout my full range.  It made sense to me when they explained it that way.

Today I made my first intentional sound, and it sounded like the old trained voice, but was full instead of forced into a female 'shape'.  I now know I am not maimed in any way, will be able to continue to communicate at no worse than before levels.  That's a relief (though I wasn't bothered much that it would be otherwise).

Still absolutely no pain or discomfort besides a slight feeling of having been to a football game and yelled too much for my team.  One thing I've noticed is how much meaningless noise I used to make.  Having to be silent has taught me that I have a continual patter of self-talk, repeating things said on TV, singing along with the radio, etc.  I guess I don't like living in silence?  I am hoping this exercise in restraint will help me be more comfortable without noise.  I think that would be a good thing for me.

I am a firm believer in visualization and mental practice when it comes to sports and life.  Every time I imagine talking, like when I want to sing along or say some comment to my spouse, I imagine it in my new voice fully realized.  I 'hear' my voice in my head being female.  I listen to women speak and mentally make my new voice fit into the conversation flawlessly.  Essentially, I practice sounding comfortable in my female voice all the time, but mentally rather than out loud.  It will help me be motivated to reach that state after I start exercises, and also help me feel comfortable with that tone in my head.  I expect the dog will stop listening to me now

[ImagineKate]

That's great.

My main reason for getting this is because I don't want to slip back into a man's voice if I have to do something suddenly that requires me to talk, such as run behind my kids. My son once ran into the street and was almost hit by a car. He was 2 1/2. I ran behind him and in front of the car, waving and yelling... they could hit me no problem but I'd die if I lost him.

But at work all day I rarely talk. It's kind of weird in this office, most people communicate via email and IM, even if sitting right next to each other.

At home I talk more, homework with the kids, answering a billion questions... on my ham radio set I don't even talk much, lol. I do mostly morse code now, in fact my microphone is broken.

So yeah I think I could bear with silence for a while.

[ReDucks]

my 3 words yesterday were to say Happy Valentine's Day to my sweetie.  I am crawling the walls waiting until I can speak more than 3 words a day!  One more week

[ImagineKate]

How did you sound?

[ReDucks]

I think it sounds weak and not too different in pitch.  http://vocaroo.com/i/s022RRH52WSb

[ImagineKate]

Sounds a bit softer but you're right, not different. I guess month 2 is when it starts to rise.

[ReDucks]

Dr. Kim said it would rise quickly sometime between 2 and 6 months, it was not clear when.  The curve is steeper than you might think - ______/ rather than a gradual increase over months.

[ReDucks]

as promised, here is 60 days post op.  I have been speaking for 30 days now, and my voice has very little stamina.  This recording was made first thing in the morning without any warm-up as I wanted to capture pre-exercise voice quality so I can asses the effect of the exercises. I am also trying to speak without any attempt at raising pitch, in fact, you can hear my voice drop out at the end of the word passage as I allow myself to naturally end the sentence in a downward pitch.  The lower end just wasn't there for me, and so the word kind of died without finishing lower.  A voice therapist will really help here!

http://vocaroo.com/i/s06ZFAFynKrS

[anjaq]

Interesting . In my perception it is mostly a feminine voice but at times it drops into androgynous. Also I hear what you say about the lower end bottoming out. I would interpret this as you speaking at your very lowest pitch range, so your average pitch should be a bit higher to allow more room at the bottom. I would assume that the voice exercises and a speech therapist will help to solve that, plus Dr Kim kind of seems to tell people that average pitch increase happens after month 2 usually - he might say that your brain needs to adapt to the new voice - and I guess your brain also needs to learn to use the voice at its new optimum pitch which would be higher than what you are using in the recording.

So beginning now, you can start the exercises and voice therapy - I am sure this will help a lot.

How was the voice usage in the first month of speaking between week 4 and 8? Is it useable at all? I kind of look forward to it compared to the silence now, but I am kind of afraid that I am expecting too much by then. I ceratinly dont plan any longer speeches until month 4 or so, but by then I hope to be able to do a presentation that I have to do in June.

[ImagineKate]

I agree with Anja here...  2 months is still early though.

[ReDucks]

Anjaq, speaking was hard at first but over time my voice got stronger.  I could speak a few sentences without tiring too much, but long speeches usually ended with a hoarse voice and higher pitch.  In a sense I can tell where my voice might end up by that tiredness, as my voice is beyond my control.  Now I start to work toward strengthening and stretching my range. 

[anjaq]

Oh that is interesting. if you tire, your voice goes up? I guess that means your relaxed pitch is acutally higher than the one you are using normally now. This fits to what I have said before about you speaking at the bottom of your range. You seem to involuntarily "pull down" the pitch, which actually costs effort, makes your voice more tired, I can imagine. So you have to learn to relax and use your new natural relaxed pitch. But your brain still knows the old pitch and my imagination now would be that it tries to use that pitch and thus directs your new voice into that direction.
I guess speech therapy and just allowing yourself to relax will help

I hope I can say a bit more than a few words a day when the waiting time is over in about 1-2 weeks. I cannot be mute forever at work.

[ReDucks]

Anjaq, I think you're right about my vocal control getting in my way.  For these recordings I am deliberately trying not to feel a sense of controlling my pitch.  My prosody sucks, I have always resisted up talk, after being told continuously I sounded like I was unsure.  It helped to end sentences downward while in work, but isn't easy socially as it makes me sound either intense or like I am a know-it-all. 

[anjaq]

Dont overthink it - Let go, let it flow. UNlearn. You can have confidence in your voice now - it cannot let you totally down anymore

[ReDucks]

Dont overthink it - Let go, let it flow. UNlearn. You can have confidence in your voice now - it cannot let you totally down anymore

Thanks   I'm going to take your advice!

BTW, exercises are hard!  I have trouble keeping the lip trills going, they fade out before my voice does.  It doesn't seem like it on paper but the drills are a lot of work, my throat is tired and I'm only doing the warm up and stretching/contracting.  My baseline for stretching at highest is D5 (C4 being middle C)

Do you remember I was using my phone app for testing my range?  As you suspected, my app was 1 octave low so on my phone C3 is the same pitch as Middle C.  It gets confusing, so I am just adding 1 to my pitch levels to be consistent with the rest of the world.

[anjaq]

Weird programming then inthat app.
ah well if it works as it does now

Have you done exercises like this before surgery? are they harder now? I will have to see - before, the exercises were not hard - I loved lip trills , they helped me so much - I have to see how well I can do them now with the voice in rehab. But 5 more weeks to go ...

[ReDucks]

No I've never done drills except for choir drills a long time ago - me may ma mo mu type stuff.  I find I just can't keep the lip flutter, I sound like an old airplane running out of gas!  I think the problem may just be concentration, I am sure I'll get better over time.

I re-read my old range post and it does seem that today my full voice is about the same pitch on top, D5 but my low end is no lower than D3 so I lost about an octave from D2 to D3.  Good to know the surgery worked on the lower end, now I hope to gain some pitch on the upper, an octave (keeping the same 3 octave range) would be amazing.

[cindianna_jones]

ReDucks,

Have you made another recording recently? I thought the difference between the first and second was a significant change. I'd love to hear how you sound now. And, can you still reach your higher notes?

[ReDucks]

Cindi, I posted this one today. http://vocaroo.com/i/s06ZFAFynKrS

[anjaq]

Hmm - maybe you need more breath for the lip flutters - did they tell you to use abdominal breathing as well? It may help. Also , its not a problem if the lip flutter is just a few seconds. Only pros can do it for very long. If it works for 5 seconds only, then use those 5 seconds before you run out of air or gas or whatever.

I think gaining at the upper end is less a matter of surgery as of training. I think I have not seen a claim by a surgeron that the upper range increases, the average relaxed pitch changes and the lower end goes away as well as the low timbres. The upper range seems to much more depend on training and technique. As I said - I could only go up to maybe 500 Hz at some point and went up almost to the "high C" that sporano singers can use just by using my voice differently and by training a bit. That is a range increase of at least an octave I think. I believe that this is possible to expand your range with that, too - and I hope personally that I can gain some of that back. I dont expect to reach the "high C" again or even higher, but I hope I can get somewhat up there. If I rally get back to that pitch or even surpass it, I will be amazed, though. It would be so great