Curing dysphoria without transitioning

[jasellebelle]

I am scheduled to see a therapist but I wanted to know if anyone has gotten rid of their dysphoria without transitioning. Ex taking testosterone ( im biological male) or not accepting these feelings at all.

Some days I just run away from these thought and get scared.

[Marcellow]

Not tat I've found, in one way or another they are going to transition with or without the help of hormones. It can be delayed but its practically inevitable.
There's no instant cure for killing dysphoria short of self harm and death as morbid as that sounds. I was so close to harming myself and found that I had no other choice.

[airamyb]

I am wondering the same thing. The way I've found is drowning the dysphoria in distractions and over achieving. Done it for years, but dysphoria hasn't gone away. But take what I say with a grain of salt I  am on this board to find answers of coping with my dysphoria without transition. So far I have come to the conclusion some transition is inevitable but what that looks like is up to each individual.

Just don't try to use excessive drugs or alcohol, it might lead to more problems down the road.

[jasellebelle]

Only drugs I would use is testosterone to see if it eliminates the dysphoria. I haven't heard anyone trying it on here or elsewhere. I can cope, I just get very depressed and become lost with who I am...feeling ugly as a male and thinking I can only be pretty as a woman.

Does this feeling vary day by day with anyone else or is it as strong and constant 24/7? I know there is a spectrum depending on the person but mine has come and gone for years, but now it lingers everyday but the feelings are like a roller coaster...if that makes sense. Some days the feelings are stronger than other days but it persists.

[Julia-Madrid]

Jasellebelle darling, you are rather getting yourself in a spin.  Try to be calm about this.  Really, most of it is very much under your control.

Susan's is probably the wrong place to ask about people whose dysphoria was cured without transitioning.  Most of us are here precisely because we're having to deal with our dysphoria   Probably some minority of cases can be fixed (I didn't say cured), but many people just live with some sense of wrongness.

You've spent a lot of time here on the forum asking indirect questions, of future consequence.  This is of course fine, but let me ask you one, the one which you're really trying to answer.  What do you FEEL?  What is it that you're feeling that makes you believe you have dysphoria.  If you could imagine yourself as someone else, how would that person be?

You don't need to answer me, although I think it would be helpful to you if you did.  But this is where a therapist would probably want to head.

Hugs
Julia

[ImagineKate]

I am scheduled to see a therapist but I wanted to know if anyone has gotten rid of their dysphoria without transitioning. Ex taking testosterone ( im biological male) or not accepting these feelings at all.

Some days I just run away from these thought and get scared.

Taking T can make things worse.

The only thing that seemed to quench it for me was taking low dose E.

[jasellebelle]

Jasellebelle darling, you are rather getting yourself in a spin.  Try to be calm about this.  Really, most of it is very much under your control.

Susan's is probably the wrong place to ask about people whose dysphoria was cured without transitioning.  Most of us are here precisely because we're having to deal with our dysphoria   Probably some minority of cases can be fixed (I didn't say cured), but many people just live with some sense of wrongness.

You've spent a lot of time here on the forum asking indirect questions, of future consequence.  This is of course fine, but let me ask you one, the one which you're really trying to answer.  What do you FEEL?  What is it that you're feeling that makes you believe you have dysphoria.  If you could imagine yourself as someone else, how would that person be?

You don't need to answer me, although I think it would be helpful to you if you did.  But this is where a therapist would probably want to head.

Hugs
Julia

Julia, 

I think your replies to my posts are wise and you have been giving me good insight;  I thank you for that.

Perhaps I am in a spin right now but I am trying to make sense if it all. I'm just confused and im hoping for someone to match my story with theirs so I get a better sense of everything. Sorry for calling it a "cure". I mean nothing by it but I just wanted to know if I'm alone with how this varies.

If I could push the magic button and be born a girl or turn into a girl overnight I think I would...only if I would look like a real girl. I want to have soft skin, feel pretty and just not have to act so masculine all the time.

Then I feel guilt and think about my family and friends,  career etc and it goes away a bit. Sorry if I am posting too much on here and I tend to ramble.

Thanks.

[Julia-Madrid]

Hi Jasellebelle

It's really fine to be confused.  And no offense at all by calling it a cure; trust me, many of us would have killed for a cure!!

Can we break this down a little:

Soft skin:  this is achievable.  HRT and hair removal treatment do wonders here.

Feel pretty:  I think you posted a small photo recently.  You looked quite good.  It would get better.  You don't talk about your body size, so I can't judge how challenging it would be. 

Not act so masculine:  gosh, it's a huge protective armour that many of us have to don.  Once you are in the right place to remove it, the girl will come out.  It is slow and requires learning, but it's achievable, easily for some, and with hard work for others.

Career:  maybe this is part of why you have to act all masculine.  May I ask what career you are in?  Perhaps this is not as serious as you paint it to be, although it would need managing.

Family, take 1:  are you married, coupled, with kids?  Yes, this presents challenges, but a significant majority of transwomen are with other women, and a very large number of such relationships not only survive but blossom.

Family, take 2:  what is your family like?  If you were to transition, what does your heart tell you will be their reaction?  They will be shocked, granted, and will take some stress to come around to seeing you differently, but are they going to reject you?

Friends:  If you're a dude amongst dudes, it would present some challenges, and it is often challenging with lifelong friends.  But rejection is not a foregone conclusion.  I've not lost a single friend, although some needed more time than others to switch.  Perhaps in my case it helped that was was a slightly effeminate gay guy in version 1.  Version 2 makes more sense to all of us.

Final question - how old are you?  This really makes a difference, and for many of us late transitioners, older really was better, a lot better.

Julia

[Deborah]

If the feelings are real and not something else then there is no getting rid of them.  That's what my therapist told me.

But you need to stop beating yourself up over it.  Wait until you speak to the therapist.  Believe me that just sitting in front of someone and saying these things out loud will do more for your peace of mind and self acceptance than 1000 typed posts on a forum.

Accept yourself for who and what you are first before worrying over what the future might hold.  Maybe it is transition and maybe it's something less extreme.  But you will never be able to make any kind of rational decision until you are first comfortable with and accepting of yourself.


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[Deborah]

Does this feeling vary day by day with anyone else or is it as strong and constant 24/7? I know there is a spectrum depending on the person but mine has come and gone for years, but now it lingers everyday but the feelings are like a roller coaster...if that makes sense. Some days the feelings are stronger than other days but it persists.

I spoke about this very issue with my therapist two days ago and he is a successfully transitioned ftm with a PhD.

It is normal for the feelings to fade and grow stronger.  It all depends on what else is going on in your life. 

Personally the only thing I was ever able to do to keep it temporarily at bay was extreme physical exercise that had me more or less in a state of constant exhaustion.  I found this not to be sustainable for the long run because the level of exercise needed led to extreme overtraining within 18 months forcing me to stop exercise entirely for an extended period to recover.


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[jasellebelle]

Hi Jasellebelle

It's really fine to be confused.  And no offense at all by calling it a cure; trust me, many of us would have killed for a cure!!

Can we break this down a little:

Soft skin:  this is achievable.  HRT and hair removal treatment do wonders here.

Feel pretty:  I think you posted a small photo recently.  You looked quite good.  It would get better.  You don't talk about your body size, so I can't judge how challenging it would be. 

Not act so masculine:  gosh, it's a huge protective armour that many of us have to don.  Once you are in the right place to remove it, the girl will come out.  It is slow and requires learning, but it's achievable, easily for some, and with hard work for others.

Career:  maybe this is part of why you have to act all masculine.  May I ask what career you are in?  Perhaps this is not as serious as you paint it to be, although it would need managing.

Family, take 1:  are you married, coupled, with kids?  Yes, this presents challenges, but a significant majority of transwomen are with other women, and a very large number of such relationships not only survive but blossom.

Family, take 2:  what is your family like?  If you were to transition, what does your heart tell you will be their reaction?  They will be shocked, granted, and will take some stress to come around to seeing you differently, but are they going to reject you?

Friends:  If you're a dude amongst dudes, it would present some challenges, and it is often challenging with lifelong friends.  But rejection is not a foregone conclusion.  I've not lost a single friend, although some needed more time than others to switch.  Perhaps in my case it helped that was was a slightly effeminate gay guy in version 1.  Version 2 makes more sense to all of us.

Final question - how old are you?  This really makes a difference, and for many of us late transitioners, older really was better, a lot better.

Julia

Well here is everything in response to your post. I turned 30 this year, no wife or kids, I'm single and my body is quite thin. Given I shave I could probably pass from my stomach and below. Obviously I have some wide shoulders and my arms are muscular but I have some feminine traits physically.

If I did go on estrogen in a small dosage I would see changes im afraid to show people. I may get softer skin and the things I want but I don't want anyone to know.

I work in pharmaceutical sales but I am actually applying to masters programs so ill be in school again so I suppose my career is moot in this case. At least for the next 6 months.

As for family and friends, I can see some being very accepting but others quite the opposite. I fear rejection in my personal life as it is. Funny I deal with rejection in sales daily but when I'm not all business I worry a lot about being accepted. Some family and friends wouldn't understand and I feel as if I will fail them.

This is so crazy...everything is just so complex right now. If I didn't have anyone in my life,  I would probably jump to start transitioning. I just want to get rid of this so bad.

According to Deborah it won't go away and that us frightening. I envy you all who are able to embrace this and take on the world for what you feel is right. Maybe I'm used to internalizing everything else in my life so I could cope by doing it with the dysphoria. Honestly,  you all are so brave!

[AnonyMs]

I turned 30 this year, no wife or kids, I'm single and my body is quite thin. Given I shave I could probably pass from my stomach and below. Obviously I have some wide shoulders and my arms are muscular but I have some feminine traits physically.

If I did go on estrogen in a small dosage I would see changes im afraid to show people. I may get softer skin and the things I want but I don't want anyone to know.

I didn't even notice I had a problem at 30, but 20 years later I'm pretty desperate. If you think that your life is complicated now consider what happens when you're are married with children, and all the other problems. It seems pretty ideal from where I am. Plus all those "wasted" years, that's depressing in its own right.

I'm trying not to transition, and was on low dose for many years. It worked really well for a while, but eventually I had serious depression. Now I'm on full dose - and still trying not to transition. We'll see how that goes I guess. I've given up on making long term plans about this. It's outside my control.

I found it easy to hide so far, no one outside close family and doctors know. Changes to my face were very noticeable, but a light beard totally fixes that. Breasts depend on what you get, but mine are not small. The rest of the body has been easy. I don't meet many people though, so that helps no doubt.

I think I read, and possibly experienced, that the small changes you get doing this affect how people respond to you, and in a positive way. It might help with sales, at least until people really do notice.

[Randi]

I've certainly been down the testosterone route.  Seven years ago, at age 58, I was diagnosed as hypogonadic.

My T level was 150 on a 300-1100 scale.  I started testosterone injections, and did find it gave me more energy and I didn't keep falling asleep if I sat down in a comfortable chair so much. My doctor explained that when my body produced a very low level of testosterone it would try to restore balance by increasing estrogen.  He actually said: "We're talking about a sex change here".

I was dysphoric as a child, but by the time I was 16 I accepted the male role.   After six months on T, thanks to the aromatase enzyme, I was getting a pretty good dose of estrogen too.   My nipples were erect all the time and were very sensitive and sexually arousing.  I was beginning to grow boobs.

The dysphoria, which had been buried beneath the surface for over 40 years came percolating to the surface.   I still take a small amount of T because there is virtually zero natural production in my body.

The only thing that relieves the dysphoria is, get this, ESTROGEN.

I don't have the option to take no hormones, so the choice is E or T or a combination of both.  Most people, male or female, have both.... just in different proportions.

Evidently, for a few of us, testosterone actually increases dysphoria and causes an overwhelming desire to become female.  Psychologist Anne Vitale has written about this: http://www.avitale.com/TNote15Testosterone.htm

If I keep my estrogen levels fairly high and testosterone low,  my dysphoria goes away almost totally.  My feeling is that gender is no longer important.  I could be a man or a woman, and it wouldn't matter.  I am not bothered by that constant buzz in the background about needing to be a woman.  Of course years of estrogen have given me a feminine body, and I don't really look like a man, but I wouldn't be troubled by a male role.

So for me, at least.  Testosterone is the prime driver in making me want to be female.  I've taken a lot of it over the years, but all it has done is make me certain that I am female. 

Strange, but true.

Randi

I am scheduled to see a therapist but I wanted to know if anyone has gotten rid of their dysphoria without transitioning. Ex taking testosterone ( im biological male) or not accepting these feelings at all.

[jasellebelle]

This is really interesting regarding the testosterone increasing the dysphoria and estrogen on low doses being used to get rid of it without fully transitioning. My question is, how long can you be on a low dose before someone can tell?

I already have feminine features so I feel like I will take to the estrogen very well...almost too well. I am thin with high cheek bones, full thick lips, a little gyno (so very tiny boobs) and a girls butt already. These are some of the things that make me feel like I was supposed to be born a female in the womb, or I didnt get enough testosterone and didnt fully adopt male traits.

I wish I could just go to an inpatient psych hospital and deal with it there...away from everyone.

[Deborah]

My guess is you could be on it as long as you wanted as long as you dressed to hide bidy changes.  No makeup and a short haircut take care of the rest.

I read somewhere of a woman in Europe who had fu'l SRS and still was public as male for years.


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[captains]

I'm moving in the other direction, but I've promised myself I'll try anxiolytics and estrogen before I transition. We'll see how it goes, I guess.

[AnonyMs]

This is really interesting regarding the testosterone increasing the dysphoria and estrogen on low doses being used to get rid of it without fully transitioning. My question is, how long can you be on a low dose before someone can tell?

I'm pretty sure I could hide the physical effects of low dose forever. After more than 5 years I don't think there were many more changes coming. It would be very noticeable if I undressed though, and I've told doctors on occasion just to be safe. I'm overweight, not thin. I'm not sure what difference that makes.

In the end though I couldn't take it mentally anymore. I was actually making myself dangerously ill due to stress, and the depression was getting seriously scary. Not suicidal, but I could finally understand how people could get there. I could see myself getting there as well.

Its understandable, but I think you may be focusing a bit too much on the physical effects of estrogen. The mental effects are quite incredible, but there's no probably way to appreciate it until you try it.

I'm moving in the other direction, but I've promised myself I'll try anxiolytics and estrogen before I transition. We'll see how it goes, I guess.

I've read a number of times that low dose estrogen is a good diagnostic test for being transgender, and that some mental problems disappear when taking it as being transgender is the root cause. I can understand now how that might be true. I was offered some drug to help with depression, but turned it down. I didn't want to get confused as to what's really causing my problems, and that's turned out to be a really good decision. When I increased my estrogen the depression completely evaporated - if anything I'm slight euphoric all the time now.

Years ago, when I first started, the next day after taking my first patch I was felt a euphoria like I've never experienced in my life. I wasn't sure at the time if it was the estrogen or stress relief that I'd finally done something (it was a year in the making). But I had it again recently after having my first implant, and then a few months later with the next one. Both of those times it was a few days later, and the for the second one at least there's was no stress relief. If I didn't have some good reasons not to I'd be transitioning right now.

[Julia-Madrid]

I wish I could just go to an inpatient psych hospital and deal with it there...away from everyone.

Naaah, that's not really a solution    Life goes on, and you need to make a strong effort to maintain both structure and normality in your day to day existence, especially when you are dealing with complex internal issues.

If I did go on estrogen in a small dosage I would see changes im afraid to show people. I may get softer skin and the things I want but I don't want anyone to know.

Yes, I absolutely and totally understand this point; I started in this place as well.  Fear of public recognition and reactions from people were a huge issue initially for me.  Given what you say about your wishes for yourself, this may be a valid starting point, although I believe that this approach may not give you enough closure or relief, call it what you will - you may end up wanting more (Aaaaaargh!  ) 

So, summarising from your previous posts, I feel that your body would not be a limiting issue.  Your work, family and friends are all areas which you would need to manage, but which appear reasonably positive.  Your age plays in your favour.  Put these things into a box, and take them out slowly as you work with your therapist.

Jasellebelle, I know it sounds corny, but confront your fears, stare them down, and put yourself in control.  Above all, try not to miss an opportunity to know yourself better.  Your older self will be very very grateful.   Embrace change, and if it takes you in an unexpected direction, analyse the risks, produce a plan to handle them, and enjoy the journey.   I have gone from awkward boy to elegant girl in just 9 months, and the experience has been exciting, incredible, affirming and massively positive. Sometimes I wish I'd done it 20 years ago, but mostly I am just happy that I've done it.

I'm mentoring a few women at various stages of exploration and evolution.  If you want to talk outside of this forum, I'd be happy to help.

Hugs
Julia

[HughE]

I am scheduled to see a therapist but I wanted to know if anyone has gotten rid of their dysphoria without transitioning. Ex taking testosterone ( im biological male) or not accepting these feelings at all.

Some days I just run away from these thought and get scared.

The underlying cause of the dysphoria is something that was built into the structure of your brain before birth, so it'll never go away. However you might be able to deal with it without doing a full female transition, depending on which parts and how much of you is female vs male. In my case, although part of me is female, part of me is male too, and I've got no desire to live as a woman. Growing my hair long and just realising that I'm partially female, so it's OK to do some things men wouldn't normally do, has been enough. I've started dancing (when no one's around, since it probably looks quite silly!), and I think spending time moving my body in a feminine way has helped quite a lot psychologically as well.

I have symptoms of congenital hypogonadism, so I'm also taking hormones - a mixture of fertility drugs (to increase my testosterone production), and women's bioidentical progesterone and estriol hormone creams (which, although they're female hormones, have relatively weak physical feminising effects - but good psychological effects nonetheless!). I've had to go the self med route because, living in the UK, it's virtually impossible to get treatment for hypogonadism to start with, and on top of that, there's absolutely no recognition that nonbinary people exist, so there's no way a doctor would prescribe a mixture of male and female hormones here. I don't know where you're based, but in the US, I think doctors are a lot less rule-bound and have a lot more latitude in what they can prescribe than they do in the UK, so if you're living there, you might be able to find a doctor who'll work with you to find the right mix of hormones that meets your needs.

Women's hormone creams aren't a prescription item and you can just buy them online.

Do you suffer from hypogonadism? If not, you might not need supplemental testosterone, and maybe just a low dose of female hormones would be enough.

[Ms Grace]

 
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