Hey everyone!
After reading some topics and looking around on the forums I decided to register myself. I am a 21-year-old person from The Netherlands and I have been struggling with my body and the things/role that come with it since my puberty began.
I have seen several psychologists/therapists to help me accept my body as it is, but the situation is not improving at all. I am struggling with a depression and I am unable to concentrate on my study. At one point I thought it might be a better idea to give the idea of transition at least a fair chance; until now I have always kept that option at bay... I just can't believe that my body can be feminine. My general practitioner and I have decided that it would be a good idea to refer me to the gender team (one of the two gender teams in The Netherlands is located in the city I am studying in). Within two weeks I'll receive an invitation for my first chat with a psychologist.
The therapists I have been talking to said I have transgender struggles, but they told me I am not 'a classical example'. The struggles I have are mostly physical (I think). I really dislike my body and my genitals in particular, and I feel broad and muscly (while I can safely say that I am definitely not, because I am nearly underweight). I have my emotional struggles as well though. I hate shaving my face, because it reminds me of 'being a guy'. When I am just tumbling through everyday life I constantly get reminded that I am a guy through small things... it feels like my DNA made a few mistakes when constructing me. Wearing a (floral) dress or something like that makes me a little happier, but it just doesn't make all problems go away. It feels like I am trapped in my body and that I am in dire need of some new plumage. It took me a while, but I now I am happy with my inside. I wish I could say the same for the fleshy part of me.
Through my life, I have never been a manly person. Not really feminine either. My hobbies and interests have always been somewhat gender neutral. The past few years I tried to be a 'cool and confident guy' which seems to work, but it just feels like silly performance. I don't even want to be cool. I don't want this. I really don't want to live like this for the coming decades.
My parents knew some things about me (they found out about me wearing girl clothing years ago), but in the past few months I told them everything and I am planning to keep hem updated on everything. They hope I will become a happier person and don't mind me wearing dresses, but it is hard to give them even the slightest idea what is happening inside me. I don't live with them anymore, but it is nice to have some support from the people who are very close to me!
Well... that's a small summary of some aspects of my life! I hope I can safely share my stories here, help others and ask questions. I can be somewhat outspoken, but I never mean to hurt people.
Greetings,
Bird Goddess
PS I really like birds; bet you didn't see that coming
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