trans women or non-binary trans-feminine

[amber roskamp]

So the yesterday I was at a social justice meeting, and something we did was write down five identities that we feel we like are important to us. I wrote down trans, women, atheist, queer, and rurally raised. the thing is I kinda felt like I was lying when I wrote down woman. Later we ended up dropping all of the identities but 2, and I dropped the women one along with atheist and queer ones, leaving rurally raised and trans as the ones I kept. Eventually we ended up discussing what ones we wanted to go into a caucus were we discussed shared interest based on the identity we chose to represent us. there were five differen caucuses: cis, people of color, trans*, parents, and trans women. I ended up going to the trans women one, but not because I felt like that is the one that fit me best, but because I felt external pressure for some reason (no-one applied it but it was more internalized pressure).

I feel like I may have been saying I am a trans women all along because I felt like it was the surest way to get hormones and because it is easier to describe, but I am really starting to feel like trans women isn't the best fit for me. The thing is I really do want a female appearance, just I am not sure if being a women is right. I think being trans non binary is a better fit for me.

I still like she and her for pronouns, but I think if I were to check a gender on a form, given 3 options (male, female, and other) I think I would feel best choosing other. this is something I have been struggling with for awhile and I am finally starting to feel more comfortable with the idea of me being outside of the binary so I just thought I would share.

Also I still plan on transitioning just it would be mts (male to something) instead of mtf.

[Lostkitten]

I feel like you over think it way too much. It isn't weird you don't fully stand behind being a woman yet, that needs time after living as a male for a long time. Having a female appearance and wanting to have a body of a woman and called her, she, etc, shows to me you are a trans woman who can think outside the box.

But those are just my two cents D: I hope you can figure it out for yourself but then again, I don't think it all matters that much .

[suzifrommd]

My therapist discourages my trying to label my gender. What's important is how I want to live and how I want to present, she tells me. No two people experience their gender in the exact same way, so trying to apply general labels can be futile.

[ImagineKate]

My therapist encourages me to be what I want to be. We talk about steps to transition and a lot of it is fitting into the female role. But that is only because I want to. For example I want to join YLRL and SWE. I've always wanted to be a part of those two organizations.

[amber roskamp]

Yea I feel like I fit into non binary better then the binary. Though I would be ok with people who dont know me to perceive me as a women. I honestly feel better viewing myself as neither a man or a women.

Though when I come out to people its probably gonna make even less sense to them now. Oh well :p