Help with identifying

[ooBobbi]

Hey everyone, I am happy I have found this forum and pleased to (almost meet you all, in a virtual kind of way)

I need some opinions, advice, feedback, words of wisdom - from people here regarding how to identify myself.

I am a downright mess.  I was born male, but have always been female in my brain, my thinking, my mannerisms, my desires and my behaviors.  I had to grow up and go through high school as a guy, I even dated women.  But where woman are concerned, I have never really been attracted to them, I wanted to BE them.  Whenever watching women in porn, I never really think, wow she is hot I would like to do her, no, it is and always has been, oh I so wish I were her, she is so lucky! 

I have too many years in, going through puberty, my teens and twenties, with testosterone, to be able to pass as a female, or even a ladyboy. I am too rugged looking and my upper torso is too thick and muscular, as I did lift weights a few times in my life.  Unfortunately for me, there is just too much effects of all those years of testosterone.

Regardless, lately I have been taking Pueria Merifica (potent herbal estrogen) and some other feminizing herbs, in an attempt to feminize.  My skin has gotten very soft and silky, body hair is thinning out, and yes, I now have boobs.  I have, at least, the upper range of b cups, and I think headed for c cups soon.

But what a mess to be in.  I will never pass, yet I am obsessed about growing these boobs and feminizing.  I don't know if I am a transgender, a femboy, etc.  I don't know what to call myself, and lately I have even been questioning if I should be trying to feminize at all, considering that I will never be able to pass.  Should I try to just accept that fact and rather than to call myself a transgender, just throw in the towel and call myself a femboy?  In your opinions, what  do you think I am?  What do you think I should do?

Just looking for some direction in the form of advice, opinions and feedback.

Thanks to whoever took the time to read all of this.


   

[suzifrommd]

Welcome to Susan's Place. It's a wonderful place to find information and to connect with other people who are going through what you are.

Some thoughts:
* A gender therapist can really help you figure out what you need.
* Self medicating can be dangerous. Better to do your feminizing under a doctor's care.
* Keep posting questions and reading posts. There is a huge amount of information here and a lot of people who've been exactly where you are.

[ImagineKate]

Hi Bobbi,

Please reconsider posting about that herb. See this.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,133675.0.html

Suzi's advice is spot on. You do need to see a professional if you are serious about transition.

Regarding your body, don't worry about it too much. You would be amazed at what a few changes and hormone therapy can do. See the before and after thread.

Good luck and best wishes on your journey.

[ooBobbi]

My apologies, I didn't realize you had the policy.  My intention was not to promote, or even to get a discussion going about PM.  I only mentioned it because it is true about me.  I have been feminizing for over year now.  But now starting to question it, as I resign myself to the fact that I can't pass, even with the boobs.

As for the gender therapist, unfortunately, that is not an option for me.  For one, there are none around in my area.  I have been going this road alone for a long time.  It was only a year ago when I started calling myself a transgender.  See when I wore panties and bikinis and stuff as a teen, I didn't knowwww then, that I was transgender.  When I enjoyed my first bf at a young age, I didn't know then either.  When I was dominated by other guy friends in even subtle ways, I didn't know the reasons why it turned me on so much.  Only recently did I take some tests and find out that I definitely have a female brain and mindset.  Really most everything about me is female, except for the body itself. 

Thanks for the feedback, I am interested to see more