Susan's Place Logo

News:

Please be sure to review The Site terms of service, and rules to live by

Main Menu

Highschool new semester...

Started by Maxwell, December 22, 2014, 08:35:11 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Maxwell

I am going through with my school counselor about being identified as male in the school, and all of its events.
BUT I will have gym/health in a female class because they separate them. I don't know how that will work out,
the counselor said I can use the administration bathroom in the office to change and generally use which is good.

The problem is the whole gym ordeal. Can anyone give me help on how to deal with transitioning in high school?
I just feel like it will be awkward and embarrassing to be male but still go to the girls gym, and I am afraid to
try to change to the male class. Also in my school half of the girls are WAY bigger than any of the guys
and I don't feel like getting hurt. And it will just be weird yaknow?

Any advice appreciated... :embarrassed:
  •  

Alexthecat

Do they have summer gym or could you do an outside activity that would count as a gym class? Around here marching band now counts as a gym credit, unfortunately not when I was in highschool.

  •  

Maxwell

Quote from: Alexthecat on December 22, 2014, 08:36:48 AM
Do they have summer gym or could you do an outside activity that would count as a gym class? Around here marching band now counts as a gym credit, unfortunately not when I was in highschool.
I doubt it, my school can't afford nice things....
The class will only start after testing so I'll have to goto the class around Jan. 6th.
  •  

Alexthecat

Do you pee in the boys bathroom? If you are male at the school then you are male, not male except when....
Yeah they should have a stall for you to change in somewhere.

  •  

Maxwell

Quote from: Alexthecat on December 22, 2014, 08:50:38 AM
Do you pee in the boys bathroom? If you are male at the school then you are male, not male except when....
Yeah they should have a stall for you to change in somewhere.
Kinda.... I only use the Male bathroom in the administration office, that's the only bathroom I use.
She said I can use that bathroom to change.
But she has to talk to some lady high in the school ranks about how to go about me transitioning as male in the school.
  •  

Alexthecat

Quote from: Maxwell on December 22, 2014, 08:53:45 AM
Kinda.... I only use the Male bathroom in the administration office, that's the only bathroom I use.
She said I can use that bathroom to change.
But she has to talk to some lady high in the school ranks about how to go about me transitioning as male in the school.
Have her do that then. If I were you I'd refuse gym class unless it was with males. I'm stubborn though.

  •  

Maxwell

Quote from: Alexthecat on December 22, 2014, 09:09:55 AM
Have her do that then. If I were you I'd refuse gym class unless it was with males. I'm stubborn though.
Yea that's what I wanna do but I'd get beat up.... :'(
  •  

Bran

Quote from: Maxwell on December 22, 2014, 09:17:58 AM
Yea that's what I wanna do but I'd get beat up.... :'(

Safety first! Seems like your options are 1) gym with guys (not great), 2) gym with girls (not great), 3) something else instead of gym (?possible?) or 4) no gym (would be a real problem for school admins).  How open the school would be to those various options, and how safe or smart each of them would be personally, is something you and your family/friends will probably know best.  How stubborn you want to be about the option you'd prefer is up to you. 

Myself, I think the best choice would be to find an athletic extracurricular, formal or informal (karate at the YMCA?  Fencing?  Soccer on a community team? Weightlifting?) and offer that as a substitute, then stick to it.  Offer to do progress reports or get your coach to submit a writeup or something to attest you're doing it.  That way, saves the school a hassle, you're getting a better workout than they'd give you, and everybody's actual needs are met.  There *is* a way to get it administratively approved, though the school officials might try to block you on it.  If parents or your allies on the school staff (Counsellor? Administrative personell?) advocate for you, they can probably get it done.
***
Light is the left hand of darkness
and darkness the right hand of light.

  •  

LatrellHK

I'm going through this issue right now myself and go to a kinda conservative school, so safety is a problem. I can suggest having a meeting with you're principal and school counselor about pronouns and what name you would wish to be called as, then telling your friends and making sure they're informed. That way more people can see you as male and may even mistaken you for a female when going into the girls bathroom or locker room. Also, ask if they can find a private place for you to change so you wouldn't get jumped if thats a concern. Otherwise, I'd recommend talking to principal and counselor and letting them know who you are and what you would like. Don't demand though, try being mature about it. That'll get you further. Besides that all I can say is be strong and good luck. Trust me I feel your pain except I'm a senior now and everyone sees me going into girls bathroom/locker room so I'm screwed lol. Its fine though. Only people who makes it a problem are freshmen.
  •  

LatrellHK

Quote from: Bran on December 22, 2014, 09:35:43 AM
Safety first! Seems like your options are 1) gym with guys (not great), 2) gym with girls (not great), 3) something else instead of gym (?possible?) or 4) no gym (would be a real problem for school admins).  How open the school would be to those various options, and how safe or smart each of them would be personally, is something you and your family/friends will probably know best.  How stubborn you want to be about the option you'd prefer is up to you. 

Myself, I think the best choice would be to find an athletic extracurricular, formal or informal (karate at the YMCA?  Fencing?  Soccer on a community team? Weightlifting?) and offer that as a substitute, then stick to it.  Offer to do progress reports or get your coach to submit a writeup or something to attest you're doing it.  That way, saves the school a hassle, you're getting a better workout than they'd give you, and everybody's actual needs are met.  There *is* a way to get it administratively approved, though the school officials might try to block you on it.  If parents or your allies on the school staff (Counsellor? Administrative personell?) advocate for you, they can probably get it done.

I agree. I do weightlifting with the guys and they do have an all-female class now, which I SHOULD join because it helps females a lot better, but I choose the all-male class and was accepted in it. The guys in that particular class see me as a guy anyway. Sometimes we forget and I almost walk in guys locker room to change while talking  :laugh:
  •  

Maxwell

Quote from: Bran on December 22, 2014, 09:35:43 AM
Safety first! Seems like your options are 1) gym with guys (not great), 2) gym with girls (not great), 3) something else instead of gym (?possible?) or 4) no gym (would be a real problem for school admins).  How open the school would be to those various options, and how safe or smart each of them would be personally, is something you and your family/friends will probably know best.  How stubborn you want to be about the option you'd prefer is up to you. 

Myself, I think the best choice would be to find an athletic extracurricular, formal or informal (karate at the YMCA?  Fencing?  Soccer on a community team? Weightlifting?) and offer that as a substitute, then stick to it.  Offer to do progress reports or get your coach to submit a writeup or something to attest you're doing it.  That way, saves the school a hassle, you're getting a better workout than they'd give you, and everybody's actual needs are met.  There *is* a way to get it administratively approved, though the school officials might try to block you on it.  If parents or your allies on the school staff (Counsellor? Administrative personell?) advocate for you, they can probably get it done.
Ok! Thanks I'll try to ask them about that.... But what if I have to go? It's only in a few days..  :-\
  •  

Bran

Quote from: Maxwell on December 22, 2014, 09:46:36 AM
Ok! Thanks I'll try to ask them about that.... But what if I have to go? It's only in a few days..  :-\

Depends on you, and depends on your school.  You can go, and make a plan to do something else long-term, or you can balk.  If your school isn't too authoritarian, you've got some admin folks on your side, and your grades are otherwise good, probably you can get away with refusing to do gym unless the accomodate your preference.  Of course, worst case scenario there is failing the class or getting some kind of discipline-- detention, suspension, etc.  If you refuse to go to the wrong gender gym class, though, their incentive to work with you to find an alternative is *much* higher than it is if you're already going where they tell you, and just asking to do something different instead. 

A lot of this also depends where you are.  My high school was really different-- public, but too much money for our own good, coed gym class, gym only required for 1 year + 1 semester "elective," plenty of kids who did alternate off-campus classes instead of the standard curriculum.  And nobody would have thought of coming out as trans at my HS 15+ yrs ago, so I don't know how receptive they would have been.
***
Light is the left hand of darkness
and darkness the right hand of light.

  •  

Maxwell

Ok thanks. :)
I'll try..
I'll report back later with what happens. :)
  •  

mm

I didn't transition until college and only had one gym class left, so I took golf so no changing.  I don't know what I would have done in high school with everyone being younger in college transitioning went smoothly. Keep us informed on how this worked out for you.
  •  

FTMax

Quote from: Bran on December 22, 2014, 09:35:43 AM
Myself, I think the best choice would be to find an athletic extracurricular, formal or informal (karate at the YMCA?  Fencing?  Soccer on a community team? Weightlifting?) and offer that as a substitute, then stick to it.  Offer to do progress reports or get your coach to submit a writeup or something to attest you're doing it.

I know someone that went this route several years ago. Our gym classes weren't separated by sex, but they refused to let him use the guys' locker room. He ended up presenting the school administration with a syllabus from a local judo course. They agreed to it as long as it was testable. This was easy with judo, since it uses a belt system where you have to compete/test into the next level. I don't know if anyone tried other sports as options, but it's something to consider if they tell you it has to be something with measured levels of knowledge.
T: 12/5/2014 | Top: 4/21/2015 | Hysto: 2/6/2016 | Meta: 3/21/2017

I don't come here anymore, so if you need to get in touch send an email: maxdoeswork AT protonmail.com
  •  

BraydLee

I actually began transitioning the summer between sophomore and jr year in high school.
I ended the spring semester as my birth name and began the fall semester going by my name.  It was incredibly awkward at first, especially the first class of the day and having to explain things to people. I didn't really have any friends, mostly just acquaintances, so no one knew what was going on except the teachers.
I talked with my school counselor about what was going on and how I would like to be referred to as such and as a male.  An email was sent out to my teachers a couple weeks prior to the first day.
One of my teachers actually asked if I could come in to talk the week before, telling me that he understands what was going on and that he has my back and will be there if I needed anything. He is actually the reason why I pushed through and have the courage to even step foot inside the school.  I have always been bullied all through grade school. There were some obvious comments made by many people throughout the year, none of the teachers would single them out mostly because they just did not know how to handle it. Then there was my algebra teacher who encouraged gay jokes in his class.

Long story short, I have heard from others and have noticed it myself that there is usually someone who will stand out and have your back and it may be someone who you would least expect, like my one teacher watching out for me and even a few months before graduation another teacher spoke up and offered her assistance when I was going through some mental turmoil.

I had the option to use the nurse's bathroom if needed, and when it came to gym I actually took an online course at an university on the other side of the country to fulfill the credit. I took a bowling class that just went over the basics of bowling and had to play a certain number of games and what not.  I knew for sure that if I were to take gym I would be bullied not only physically but emotionally as well. In middle school I was harassed by everyone including the female gym instructor. Even she got on my case and even marked me down a letter grade because I refused to change in front of people. While using the stall to change there were girls who would try to kick it open, climb onto of the wall, and even peek through the gap between the door.

Schools have come a long way to support students by having various options available to meet the needs of each individual student.
If you do not feel safe taking gym, it is a subject to bring up with the administration being that the student's safety comes first, though every administration in different and depending on whether your counselor is willing to take the time to find another option. 

High school is a very tough place to transition in, depending on the environment. It takes courage to transition regardless, but maybe more so when in high school since it can be a very unforgiving environment, not to mention an awkward time in one's life.

The best advice I can give you is to have open communications about how you feel and what would make you comfortable and especially to feel safe. If a teacher gives you trouble, or even your counselor, go to the person above them and so forth, especially when it comes to a situation involving discrimination or harassment of any kind. I was told by many of my teachers/ instructors that they keep teaching because of the feeling of making a difference in a students life and seeing a student succeeded fuels their motivation to keep on doing so. Don't be afraid to seek assistance or advice from a teacher you trust.
  •  

mac1

Have you considered getting a doctor's excuse to get you out of taking the gym class?
  •  

Skyler

 I change in my gym teachers private bathroom and then she lets me use the 'weight room" which I always just use the treadmills on. However no one really comes in there besides one of my friends....so its a pretty good set up. Good luck on your new semester and gym does suck... :)
  •