Today marks the start of month #4 on HRT. A total of 4 full months since my fork-in-the-road, transition-or-go-to-a-funny-farm moment.
So much has happened, I couldn't chronicle it all. In a nutshell, here's what I learned:
-Fears are meant to be conquered. Much of this journey is all about this very fact.
-Like so many including my bestie and my YouTube heroines Sona Avedian, Hannah Hartley, Loren Dovahkiin...You'll likely lose your marriage
-It's not crossdressing, it's living appropriately.
-those who shout Deut 22:5 won't give Deut 22:22 the same seriousness in their own church
-I've given up on trying to convince anyone this is a "choice". Either they listen to your heart's pain & journey, or they don't.
-Being liberal doesn't automatically mean they'll accept you
-Being conservative doesn't autmatically mean they'l reject you (in fact, most people who support me are conservative!)
-If your church casts you out because of the clothes you wear, then their 'love' is only skin deep anyway. Go find...no...go wait on God and trust Him to bring you to a good body of believers.
-I'm finding spending Christmas alone, ostracized from my family isn't all bad. All the Ghiradelli chocolates are for yours truly!
-You'll find people support you in the places you never thought. Many people out there do indeed have hearts and are willing to help you, just be kind and be yourself. People love a gentle, humble, learning spirit.
-I look at Emma B on YouTube and want to look as good as her in a workout outfit
-The mind is vastly clearer even though the weight of life's issues presses on me far more than in the past.
-Wigs aren't all that bad
-Went to Ulta, bought a few things, the ladies there were kind and more than willing to help once I explained my situation. They jumped at the chance actually, and so did the guys. Great people (see, you'll find support in places you may not have expected!)
-I can't believe how much I love women's deodorant. No, not at a fetish level, but when I put it on, just some generic Lady Speed Stick, for the first time in my life I said "this is what I WAS SUPPOSED TO SMELL LIKE ALL MY LIFE".
-read this
http://avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm I found I'm a G3. Which (finally) answers why I never Crossdressed when dating, the closeness of the female was enough to offset the gender expression deprivation anxiety. All about projection and inner healing of my soul. Sorry gals....
-i've learned more about myself in 4 months than I have in nearly the last 4 decades.
-I still love kissing more than sex, some things never change (even though I haven't done either in ages lol)
-I find myself watching 'chick' channels more than guy channels.
-I now like wine and am not craving beer much anymore
-I still only like females
-I found a best friend
-I'm thankful that emotionally, I can feel. Four decades of constant buzzing of thoughts in the head combined with a continual numbness of the heart, mixed with depression, anxiety that anyone will ever find out....yeah, call me a G3 (see link above) but also call me ALIVE! For the first time, even in the crap storm of everything a transition brings to the table, I ENJOY life.
See this list is long. In just 4 months, 3 of those with the proper hormones in the body.
Once you look at the mirror and say "I am a transgender person!" You know the direction to take. It's freeing, it sucks sometimes, it's great other times, you can finally feel your emotions....go for it. God gave you your life, make the best of it you can!
