Starting HRT to Going Full Time - How Long?

[Brenda E]

Not to mention that you should  live and know what to expect, how society will treat you and experience reality and inequality first hand before you take the big step... Not after as you will not be prepared.

This I'm not sure I agree with.  I thought the whole idea of punishing us by imposing RLE before HRT to make sure we are tough enough was long since discredited.  Society would react to a pre-HRT me in a vastly different manner to a post-HRT me; at least I'd have a fair shot at passing post-HRT.  Exposing myself to ridicule deliberately doesn't work - in fact, it pushes me towards staying male and unhappy (and would lead to eventual suicide.)  I don't need to prove my trans-ness to anyone by making life more uncomfortable than necessary.  We're not monks and suffering in no way shows devotion.

Maybe that's me being a wuss.  Or simply knowing that I'd rather integrate quietly rather than with a huge "I'm trans, so get used to it" fanfare. The less attention I can bring to myself, the better.  Thirty years of shame and embarrassment takes more than a little effort to get over.

Although as this thread highlights, the idea that everyone is staring at me is probably just my imagination.  Confidence...

[bluebirdx88]

This I'm not sure I agree with.  I thought the whole idea of punishing us by imposing RLE before HRT to make sure we are tough enough was long since discredited.  Society would react to a pre-HRT me in a vastly different manner to a post-HRT me; at least I'd have a fair shot at passing post-HRT.  Exposing myself to ridicule deliberately doesn't work - in fact, it pushes me towards staying male and unhappy (and would lead to eventual suicide.)  I don't need to prove my trans-ness to anyone by making life more uncomfortable than necessary.  We're not monks and suffering in no way shows devotion.

Maybe that's me being a wuss.  Or simply knowing that I'd rather integrate quietly rather than with a huge "I'm trans, so get used to it" fanfare. The less attention I can bring to myself, the better.  Thirty years of shame and embarrassment takes more than a little effort to get over.

Although as this thread highlights, the idea that everyone is staring at me is probably just my imagination.  Confidence...

As I said... Each person is different, and this was the case for me..... Passing was never an issue... Matter of fact I generally assume everyone clocks me even when its not always the case.... It was never something shameful or embarassing to me and alas it was never a stigma or a punishment... I don't hide what I am..

As a matter of fact... Yes I still find it impossible to be employed due to being trans... But socially? The violence, insults, stares and covering their children's eyes stopped way before HRT.... Confidence is a lot more important than pills in that regard and you can only gain that by starting to value yourself as a woman.... Which won't be worth much if you're getting into male attire and social position.


PS: As stated before this is true to my experience and isn't meant to pressure anyone or cause an argument...

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[MikaylaGC]

If I can make a suggestion. The important thing here is to do everything AT YOUR pace, and with what your comfortable with. Some here seem to wave there rainbow flag around like its a weapon, suggesting u need to do it now, that worked for them and thats great but suggesting its damaging for you to stay not fulltime is somewhat ludicrous, to me anyway.
Do what makes you feel feminine but allows you to continue your work for now, grow your confidence. Whether that be wearing female pants or underwear etc, getting your eyebrows done, whatever.....starting electrolysis(plz if u havent do it now its a 1-2year mission alone, and feeling femme and passing is alot easier without 'scuse me ladies Ive gotta shave before we go out o.O ), all that.....theres a million ways to take baby steps, build your confidence, and still stay gainfully employed(electrolysis alone is gonna cost thousands of dollars)
The  other thing is depending on your age, genetics, what you look like now and a big dollop of luck, you could take HRT for 5 years and apart from maybe slimming down(or getting fat) and having varying degree's of man boobs/girls boobs you might not change outwardly alot, thats a cold reality that ppl need to know. So thats what Im sorta saying with my view based on what you have said, that maybe the small steps are the way to go, becoz worse case scenario(pre-surgeries) its more about learning to accept YOU and not about what other ppl perceive. But hey you might get super lucky, get skinny grow huge boobs already have a femme face and be rocking a minnie mouse voice, even so if confidence is what holds you back, my suggestion still stands
PS I hope I dont sound like a negative bishe or that I have somehow offended someone, as has been said a gazillion times, these are just suggestions or reflections of personal experiences or whatever to help ppl. Everyone has there own unique experience and I hope you find the right and safe path for you to jump on. Good luck everyone in 2015!

[Brenda E]

PS: As stated before this is true to my experience and isn't meant to pressure anyone or cause an argument...

Never thought you were being argumentative - and your advice is well taken.  Given more confidence, I would happily go out and test the waters before I pump myself full of hormones and spend all this time and money on transitioning.  (Not that it would stop me transitioning, but at least I'd be more prepared for how people react.)

But the thought of stepping out as fully-female right now scares the hell out of me.  Even though HRT has softened my look up a little bit, I'm one of those people who will never go out until I can pass fairly well.  Too timid, unfortunately.  And there's so many bold girls in this thread who went full time before even starting hormones, it's making me look a little delicate to be honest.

So yes, although I started the thread thinking that I'd be in good company with a bunch of other girls who waited until the last minute to go full time, it seems I'm in the minority.  Most of you went full time so much earlier and survived with all your limbs still attached.  It's making me wonder whether I should stop hiding who I really am and start to take bigger and bolder steps to show everyone else the happy girl I really am.

[Joan]

Hi Brenda

I think you should do what you want to do when you want to do it. 

I've been on HRT for nearly a year now although I was going out for a few months before starting.  I'm tall, well-built, and my facial hair is quite dark and dense.

I persisted going out until August, but found the constant looks and, at times, outright ridicule extremely unsettling and my confidence was shot to pieces.  I started to think that maybe transitioning wasn't really something I would be able to bare, and to find accommodation with my GD with controlling my body hair and expressing my feminine side fore freely in a male life.  I like what HRT does for me and how it is changing my body, so I kept it up, and continued laser too because I really don't like facial hair.

Four months on, some time off work (at last!), and I got the desire to try again. I'm surprise  at just how much HRT and laser have done for me and my passability seems to have improved a lot.

It's easy to say, but patience is what's required.  Let the changes happen, test the waters every now and then and see how you feel.  For a variety of reasons, the happiest place for all of us need not be full transition right from the start.

[Stephe]

  Society would react to a pre-HRT me in a vastly different manner to a post-HRT me; at least I'd have a fair shot at passing post-HRT.  Exposing myself to ridicule deliberately doesn't work

Honestly, this is the attitude that will keep you from ever "passing". I honestly was never ridiculed, even when I couldn't pass on a bet. I would hate to have to go through life worrying if I was 100% passing all the time. 

[Stephe]

As I said... Each person is different, and this was the case for me..... Passing was never an issue... Matter of fact I generally assume everyone clocks me even when its not always the case.... It was never something shameful or embarassing to me and alas it was never a stigma or a punishment... I don't hide what I am..

As a matter of fact... Yes I still find it impossible to be employed due to being trans... But socially? The violence, insults, stares and covering their children's eyes stopped way before HRT.... Confidence is a lot more important than pills in that regard and you can only gain that by starting to value yourself as a woman.... Which won't be worth much if you're getting into male attire and social position.

+ 1000 for this post. "Confidence is a lot more important than pills in that regard and you can only gain that by starting to value yourself as a woman."

[Stephe]

But the thought of stepping out as fully-female right now scares the hell out of me.....

It's making me wonder whether I should stop hiding who I really am and start to take bigger and bolder steps to show everyone else the happy girl I really am.

It scared the hell out of all of us. I'm not saying it was an easy think to do. But it's like most things in my life I was scared to do, once I did it I was like "Wow, I thought this was gonna be really bad". You likely will run into a few rude people, but I found it would be like some guy working at a burger place and I would just think "Why should I get upset because some LOSER wants to be rude?" Once your confidence ramps up, you get clocked less and less.

I will say, I would 1000% be more concerned about your voice than HRT. Having a decent voice is WAY more important than taking some pills.

[judithlynn]

Hi Brenda;
The first time I transitioned, I went full time 1 week after been made redundant for my high flying International Sales job and about  1 year after starting HRT. I lived as a woman full time for nearly 2 years, but then due to financial and family concerns had to de-transition. The mistake I made was not concentrating on the facial hair removal. These days  on my second transition I am working on things differently. I have a big focus on getting things done right. For instance:-

• I am working hard on Laser and Electrolysis on my face.
  I am getting laser treatments on my décolleté, upper thighs, bikini line, top of pubis and underarms;
  I am getting deportment training
  I am getting a lot of beauty treatments and really looking after my skin and complexion
  I had a Colour Analysis down and got professional advice on clothes and make up that suited me best. I ended up completely changing my colours and wardrobe
  I am starting voice training this year
  I am starting dancing lessons in 2015
  I am socialising myself as female about 60% of the time
  I am trying to focus on making women friends
  I am not actively looking to date

How soon before I am back full time. Not sure maybe end 2015 or early 2016. It all depends on the hair removal progress, but I am getting there and generally pass most of the time with just an occasional fail.
Judith

[LivingTheDream]

This I'm not sure I agree with.  I thought the whole idea of punishing us by imposing RLE before HRT to make sure we are tough enough was long since discredited.  Society would react to a pre-HRT me in a vastly different manner to a post-HRT me; at least I'd have a fair shot at passing post-HRT.  Exposing myself to ridicule deliberately doesn't work - in fact, it pushes me towards staying male and unhappy (and would lead to eventual suicide.)  I don't need to prove my trans-ness to anyone by making life more uncomfortable than necessary.  We're not monks and suffering in no way shows devotion.

Maybe that's me being a wuss.  Or simply knowing that I'd rather integrate quietly rather than with a huge "I'm trans, so get used to it" fanfare. The less attention I can bring to myself, the better.  Thirty years of shame and embarrassment takes more than a little effort to get over.

Although as this thread highlights, the idea that everyone is staring at me is probably just my imagination.  Confidence...

(I hope I don't offend anyone, this post isn't directed at anyone, but this is just something I strongly believe in so kinda had to post something. This is just my personal opinion based on my life, experiences, beliefs etc, I know everyone's situation and beliefs and journeys and such are different..)


I see it the same as you, Brenda. I got into a few I guess little arguments over it a few months ago with a few health professionals. To me it is crazy insane, almost criminal, to force someone to do RLE prior to starting hrt. I don't need to prove anything to them or anybody. I am an adult, I am smart, I know what hrt does and doesn't do, the risks and potential benefits it can have and I know what I want.

Hrt isn't gonna do miracles, make any and everyone 100% passable by itself, but it definitely is a piece of the puzzle, definitely helps. This is tough enough as it is, so any and everything that can make it easier, more likely to succeed, should be explored, sought after and allowed.

I am definitely gonna do any and everything I can do to improve my chances of success. Being 100% passable would definitely make things easier. Will I ever be that, even with hrt, I don't know, but if it makes me only 1% more passable, then I am 1% more likely to succeed in my mind. I say this because avoiding ridicule, insults, stares, violence, definitely increases my personal chances of having a successful transition.

Yes, I know many go full time without it, maybe out of need, maybe out of want, some maybe even pass without it, just as I am sure many don't, with or without it. I am guessing many just don't care what other people say, think, or do? Or get used to it? I don't know, but that is just not me, I just don't think it ever will be either, just kinda cannot ever imagining that being the case with me. So ya, based on my personal unique situation, experiences, beliefs, and just being me, I just think it is really wrong to withhold hrt until after x amount of RLE.

[Lady_Oracle]

As others have said you go full time whenever you want and feel ready.

I personally put myself through RLE. I needed to make sure that I could do this without hormones and for my own sanity. I needed an outlet to express/be myself and I wasn't about to continue to pretend to be male 24/7 just because I wasn't on hrt. I worked on my look/presentation and just letting myself be me for the first time. I basically started to do all the things I missed out on that so many other women learn when they're growing up. So by the time I saw a therapist, she signed off on me starting hrt after the first session cause I had my voice down by then and was presenting female already even though it was only part time at that moment.

So thats my two cents on the RLE. I think it's a great step if you can do it prehrt! Cause either way you look at it, with or without hrt you have to go through that learning phase with yourself. Plus if you're able to do it, it just makes going into full time so much easier. I see so many of us struggle with the social aspect of our transitions more so than the physical stuff.

[Beverly]

But the thought of stepping out as fully-female right now scares the hell out of me. ....  I'm one of those people who will never go out until I can pass fairly well.

If you do not go out as fully female, how do you know if you will "pass"?

Most of "passing" is mannerisms, voice and appearance and those need constant practice. Natal women learn it from each other as they grow, but we also need to learn it and that means we need teachers - other women - and we need to practice, practice, practice.

[Zoetrope]

I didn't have a problem with the approval process. My docs fast tracked me, of all things ...

I wouldn't expect less than caution really ... feel glad the profession has learned to keep a close eye on us.

It means I can trust my docs ... imagine if it was treated like ADD/ADHD

At the time I felt like doing this was a huge gamble ... glad for the slowly-slowly approach now.

[Kristyn74]

I was supposed to wait until after hormones?

Absolute pearler! Lol