Hi Kiera, sorry things didn't go as you'd hoped, but you did the right thing by being honest. I think there's a lot of wisdom in trying to sort out some of your other issues first. Don't let your gender therapist's not diagnosing you here and now as a roadblock, they have a duty to help you find the most accurate diagnosis they can, not necessarily the one you came in expecting. Your history apparently doesn't support that at this point, but, as they say, the absence of evidence is not evidence of absence, it's just too early (for them) to draw a firm conclusion. And, let's be honest, this one needs to be a firm conclusion!!
I worry a little bit about being blocked by gatekeepers because my story doesn't exactly fit the mold---like you, until recently I had little dysphoria, was never miserable, etc, just always profoundly wanted to be female. I plan to start HRT well in advance of public transition, but I am doing as much as I can in semi-private to "switch over." That means obtaining women's clothing, makeup on weekends, coming out with my plans to trusted people, and generally trying to "test" my comfort with the changes.
I've been seeing a general therapist for a couple years now, for the vast majority of that time without having identified my gender "issue." We worked through a lot of other things, and I credit that with bringing me to a place where I could think critically and honestly about myself. After all this, he's deeply supportive of my plans, so I don't expect to have serious gatekeeper issues with my endo-to-be (but that doesn't stop me from being paranoid!).
Anyway, for me, going through a long period of "regular" therapy was a very good way to come to where I am. I hope that your road can be successful in bringing you to a "happy place," whatever gender that involves.
