First Therapy Appointment

[AbeLane]

So..I've been doing some research into trying to find a gender therapist in my area. I wanted to find someone who specializes in more than just gender issues (I deal with anxiety and depression non-related, I think, to my gender issues) And I finally think I found one, but the thing is I'm super nervous about how to go about opening up and starting the conversation of why I think I need to see them.

See, I still haven't told anyone in my real life (meaning off-line) that I'm transgender. So I feel like doing it might make my heart stop. And since the therapist deals with a variety of issues, I feel like it's important that I tell them.

So I was wondering if you guys had any tips for how to start that conversation. Also would it be horrible if I waited til my first appointment, or should I be upfront with it all when I go to schedule my first appointment?

[mrs izzy]

You need to trust and be honest if you want therapy to help.

depression and anxiety are hand in hand with GD.

Lots of luck.

[Lukoshkin]

If you find a good therapist – You'll have no need to think how to start. The therapist will ask You some questions - and you'll start. Don't worry - any scenario - non-lethal.

[Tysilio]

Good for you for getting the ball rolling on this -- it's not an easy thing to do.

If you're asked for a reason by the person who schedules your appointment, it's fine just to say you have problems with depression and/or anxiety; either or both, depending on what you're comfortable with. Heck, those two just mean you're normal, these days... If the therapist is someone who really specializes in gender issues, you can also say you're questioning your identity, or something to that effect; there's no need to be more specific.

Your therapist won't expect you to come in for your first session and immediately catalog everything you're concerned about -- part of their job is to help you figure that out, and that's a process which can take a while. Any decent therapist gets that people are going to be pretty nervous when they're coming in for the first time, and will care about helping you feel comfortable.

[AbeLane]

Don't worry - any scenario - non-lethal.

This is going to become my new mantra.

Good for you for getting the ball rolling on this -- it's not an easy thing to do.

Thanks for the advice and congrats. But I have a history of taking myself out of actually making appointments so I"m hoping for the courage to actually go through with it.

[Mariah]

Then try not to over think or over process it because that is what will get you to talk yourself out of it. Trust me once you have gone once you won't regret it. You will feel like a huge weight has been lifted of your shoulders. I was nervous all the way up to the appointment time and then once I started opening up those butterflies went away. Hugs and Good Luck
Mariah
quote author=AbeLane link=topic=180811.msg1599755#msg1599755 date=1420256307]
This is going to become my new mantra.

Thanks for the advice and congrats. But I have a history of taking myself out of actually making appointments so I"m hoping for the courage to actually go through with it.
[/quote]

[ImagineKate]

Both therapists started like this.

First question I was asked, "are you still suicidal?"

My answer, "oh heavens, no. That was a while ago."

After that they asked about my background (ethnic and national origin). It gave some context as to the kind of culture I was raised in (highly transphobic, conservative/religious).

First therapist seemed wholly unconcerned about my past. She was more interested in present and future.

Second and current one was interested in my struggle, past and present.

It was pretty much freestyle all the way except that they'd suggest goals now and again, based on things that were happening. For example, what prompted me to come out to my parents was the fact that I had to sign a land deal with the Government to acquire part of his property which is jointly in my dad's name, my brother and me. Coming out to HR and my manager at work was prompted by the fact that I'd dress up and come to work (androgynously but obviously femme). So think of therapy more as a guide along tasks that you are doing.

[adrian]

Hey Abe, good thing you're reaching out to a therapist .

If they ask what you want to see them for when you make the appointment, I'd say, just take the plunge. Mention the anxiety and depression and that you're questioning your gender identity or experience gender dysphoria.

I first explained to my therapist in an email, but he isn't a gender specialist and I had been seeing him for a while for what I thought were unrelated issues (doh ).

Good luck!

[HeyTrace19]

You truly do not need to state a reason for seeing the therapist when you schedule your appointment.  Just say that you are hoping to meet the practitioner and find out if they are a good fit for you, no details about anything need to be disclosed.  During that first appointment, if you feel that you might be comfortable talking to this individual about all of your issues, then...get out your list!  Write a short list of things that are pressing issues for you and hand it to the therapist...call it "Things to tackle during Therapy".  Works well for people who have difficulty actually getting the words out, and it gives your therapist some ideas about their approach to working with you.   Best of luck in your journey.

[aleon515]

We talked a lot more re: present and future, but it does matter re: the inclinations and training of a therapist. BTW, I saw a trans man.

--Jay