Told my wife I'm transgender and her response

[ameliato]

Thank you all again for your support and kind words. This is going to be a long difficult journey for the two of us, as it is for all of you who have already made the leap of coming out, and dealing with the situation as was needed in your lives. The pain of our common bond can never be truly understood by those who don't share it, and coming here and finding out I am not alone, and getting the support and caring from complete strangers is a statement of unity. We truly are a unique and strong community.

My wife has not yet changed her mind and has not yet said anything negative regarding the dreaded T-bomb. I believe she doesn't fully understand it yet, but hell, neither do I. As stated before, I am under no illusion that this will be smooth sailing, rainbows, and buttterflies. I am certain it will be quite the opposite at times, but hearing nothing but love from my wife, even if she doesn't agree, or understand that I am a woman etc, gives me hope she will stand by me and love me as she always has as this all evolves.

Vicky, I can't imagine having to be on a waiting list. Where do you live? I am in the Toronto area of Canada. I emailed the person I am seeing on a Saturday morning, and was seen Monday afternoon. I could not believe my luck. She is very qualified and at the top of the field in my country from what I understand. I can't say anything more about how awesome she has been in every aspect of our sessions. Before seeing her my dysphoria was so out of control, and still is, but coming clean to her, my marriage counselor, and then my wife has allowed me to start seeing things much more positive and constructive and provided me some daily life balances. I hope you find someone soon, and are able to get the same connection I have. It really saved my life, and hopefully will do the same for my marriage.

I have always known my wife was my true love and I am staying positive that this will only bring us closer in the end.


Amelia

[JLT1]

HI,

One thing I learned was that I was always ahead of my wife.  Keep her with you and keep her informed of everything. 

Having said that...Wow, congratulations on so much - the decision to transition, going to counseling and on talking to your wife.  That is all very cool.

Hugs,

Jen

[jeni]

One thing I learned was that I was always ahead of my wife.  Keep her with you and keep her informed of everything. 

Good idea. Surprises are not a good thing, and little steps will probably help it feel like it's moving slowly, even if the overall pace is the same.

I feel ridiculously fortunate that, if anything, it's the other way around with my wife... She never said anything, but I think maybe she's been waiting for me to get here for 10-15 years or so and she seems happy I finally clued in. She is so amazingly comfortable and positive about this whole business, and that's a huge help.

[Jenna Marie]

This is awesome!! I love hearing other happy stories.

(My wife said something similar, and 5 years post-transition, we're still together and ridiculously happy.)

[ameliato]

All of you are so fortunate to have had a positive response/acceptance like this. I can only keep my fingers crossed for now and do as the others have said. I must move slowly, too much too fast will be catastrophic.

I want to be post transition and ridiculously happy one day too. The stories of many in this thread seem to have happy, or relatively happy endings. This gives me such hope that I can still have my wife and the happiness she brings, and the happiness transition will bring me because quite honestly, this annoying guy act and body need to change. I need to be me. Thank you for sharing your success with me. It will provide much needed guidance.

Amelia

[ashley_thomas]

I erred on the side of slow, it was my wife that told me to express my gender and eventually told me to get on E. I think that's an unrealistic plan for most as I was dealing with lots of fear and she is fearless but making sure a supportive spouse is transitioning with you at a shared speed is critical.  You will trade a joint journey for a slower pace, that is almost guaranteed.
Included her in everything. Luckily you've avoided the betrayal and I can't be with you objections, the selfish/narcissistic objections are next ... Overcome those and then make the relationship better than it was and you might cross the transition divide with a beautiful relationship in tact.

[Sammie Blade]

You all need to count your blessing for marrying good women.

I told my wife I was trans and she cleared the house, took the kids and left... true story!

Now I have to settle with my parents getting visitation rights because the State of Texas thinks that transgender people don't make very good parents. 

[ameliato]

I am sorry to hear that Sammie.

In Ontario, a court ruling has stated that being transgender has no negative affect on parenting abilities. We are clearly not a perfect society here, but I am thankful that this will not be an issue for me should it ever go that route down the road. Transphobia is a problem worldwide, and many battles still need to be fought no matter where we live.

A

[Kristinadiva]

Love seeing such positive response's from partners! I tried many times coming out to previous gf's and it never ended well. The common theme was that they weren't bi or lesbian and had fallen in love with a man ( or so they thought ) It's just nice to see people have better reactions and support from their loved ones. Congrats and good luck on your journey! <3

[Vicky Mitchell]

I am in the middle of this now. She says she loves the man she married she is not bi or a lesbian. She is still trying to take it all in still.  I too live Texas do am afraid of losing her and my son but this was something I had to come out on.  I am still positive as she has not left me and I hope and pray that we make it. Guess time will tell. Here to crossing fingers.  And good luck to us all. 


Vicky
MtF

[jeni]

Sorry she's having trouble with it, and I really hope that you can find a way to work it out. If not with her, I hope you can at least resolve this amicably enough that you don't have to fight for the right to be with your son. If she's not freaking out, that's a good sign. I haven't been through it, but I would think that moving slowly and cautiously would help convince her that even though you're different than she thought in some ways, you're still someone who's reasonable and trustworthy. If the state won't recognize the obvious fact that transfolk are every bit as likely to be good parents as cisfolk, maybe she can recognize it about you.