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T and sexuality.

Started by jossef-ftm, January 03, 2015, 09:30:26 AM

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jossef-ftm

I Read somewhere that some trans guys after they start testosterone there sexuality change and as a person that plan to start hormones soon that freak me out so much i know there is nothing wrong with being gay but it's not for me i'm just not that way i admire women and only women and i want that forever i don't want to change so i have that big fear of that happen...i asked some friends they told me that sexuality is fluid thing and anything can happen even without T !! and that make things worst ofc and it's like i'm having a huge panic attack from almost a week now can't sleep or eat well i think about it all day and my mind keep telling me ok it will happen now or when i'm out my mind try to play with me and tell me ok it will happen now.. that completely scare me i know its not wrong but NO I don't wanna be this way EVER!
i talked to some friends some said its possible cause sexuality is fluid.
Other ones said it can't happen cause our sexuality is something in our genes and we either born straight or gay/bi  we don't chose it.and it can't change .

i don't know who to believe! i hope the second thing is the truth cause i want that panic attack to stop and back my life again , and please guys don't just say it's ok and no need to fear cause i know its not wrong and i dont have nothing against gay people but I DON'T WANNA BE THIS WA EVER! and if testosterone will change me this way then i dont want it i will just have top and buttom surgery without hormones!
Sometimes, it's hard to find words to tell you how much you mean to me. A lot of times, I don't say anything at all. But I hope someday, you'll understand, having you is what I live for...(I Love you my Queen )
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Alexthecat

If you are a guy and like girls then you are straight. You could be more comfortable in your skin and find out you are okay liking guys or you could always like girls. Focus on being happy by yourself and worry about being happy with someone else later. What if you love a girl and she turns out to be a trans guy?

Btw you can't have bottom surgery without T.

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jossef-ftm

Alexthecat : thnx for the reply , about your question i will not be with a trans guy because he is a guy and i'm a guy (i'm straight) and i will make sure the girl i will make my gf dont have GID and that she dont wanna be a guy!
Sometimes, it's hard to find words to tell you how much you mean to me. A lot of times, I don't say anything at all. But I hope someday, you'll understand, having you is what I live for...(I Love you my Queen )
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Marcellow

Uhhhh...if they were in the closet, you're sure not going to find out until later when they come out as trans.
Even if you are straight, do keep an open mind at least. It's what you expect of everyone else being that you are FTM yourself.
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Adam (birkin)

Honestly, I'm skeptical that hormones could change anyone's sexual orientation...I believe it's what was always there, but someone may have been in deep denial about it because of their discomfort with themselves. I say that because of how much cisgender gay and lesbian people have gone through with others trying to "convert" them to heterosexuality (hormones were even used at one point to try and make gays and lesbians straight)...I believe  orientation is inborn.

I had the same fear that you did. I heard so many stories of "I was into girls before HRT but now I only like guys" and it did scare me. I don't have an issue with being gay either, but I hated the idea of losing the way that a beautiful woman made me feel. I love the butterflies I get, I love the magnetism women have, I love how when I like a woman all I want to do is be a better person, how I soften inside and take time to enjoy my life because of her. I suppose, in theory, if my orientation changed I would feel that with a man, but the thought of it is like losing a part of who I am, you know?

My sexual orientation did not change at all and I have almost been on T 3 years now. If anything, I am even more girl crazy than before. I wasn't extremely sexual before HRT, I liked making out with girls, I liked them emotionally and appreciated their physical beauty, but struggled sexually. Now, I still feel the same way emotionally as I did before but the sexual component is very pronounced as well, and I feel a much stronger pull to be physically close to a woman, sexually or otherwise.
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jossef-ftm

Marcellow: i'm completely open minded and as i said i dont have anything against gay people, if my gf want to be a guy i will leave her ofc cause i'm straight and into girls...plus  i dont think my gf will be transgender cause here people dont even know what it means.
Sometimes, it's hard to find words to tell you how much you mean to me. A lot of times, I don't say anything at all. But I hope someday, you'll understand, having you is what I live for...(I Love you my Queen )
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jossef-ftm

birkin it's like you read my mind bro,i dont wanna lose who i'm too... but what you did to get rid of that fear??!
Sometimes, it's hard to find words to tell you how much you mean to me. A lot of times, I don't say anything at all. But I hope someday, you'll understand, having you is what I live for...(I Love you my Queen )
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Mr.X

I'm very curious why you are so accepting of gay people, but never ever want to be that way. Why are you so afraid of becoming gay? Conquering a fear starts with understanding it. So root out why you are so deeply afraid of it first. If it is becaus the mere thought of liking guys disgusts you, then you should really not fear. I mean, if your preference changes to guys, you won't be disgusted anymore.

That being said, I don't know if preferences can change on T. I don't think any solid research has been done about that. And even if there has, it's very hard to pinpoint what happened. Did the person really change his preferences? Or did T just make them more confident, happy about themselves and accept who they truly are, which would in this case be a gay person. It's hard to distinguish the two. Whichever is the case, there's a really good saying that's applicable here: A human suffers the most from the suffering he fears. You may or may not change preferences. You will never know for sure. But it is very smart to stop worrying about the things that may happen.
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Alexthecat

Here's a scenario: You been married 10 years and your wife gets up the courage to say she's actually a he. Your response "Ok bye". I feel sorry for them.

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Adam (birkin)

Quote from: jossef-ftm on January 03, 2015, 02:50:21 PM
birkin it's like you read my mind bro,i dont wanna lose who i'm too... but what you did to get rid of that fear??!

I didn't really do anything to get rid of the fear. It just went away on its own...after being on T for a while I realized that nothing had changed so I had worried for nothing.

Also, to the people who implied it would be close-minded to leave someone for transitioning when it goes against your orientation...I have to disagree on that one. For one, it just reminds me of when I was coming out as a lesbian and people told me to be "open" to dating guys, that announcing to the world that I liked women was close-minded to men. Some people aren't attracted to hairy faces, boobless bodies, deep voices, etc and that's just the way it is. And what about the transgender person? I wouldn't be with someone who only liked women, who is only dating me because they knew me as a girl first. Honestly, it's tantamount to calling me a woman as far as I am concerned. There are plenty of people out there who will love a transgender person for their true gender, why would we encourage anybody to try and force a relationship to work - against their biological and romantic inclinations - when there's no chemistry there? Everyone loses...the partner goes against their true orientation and desires, and the transgender person is never desired fully as their true gender.
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Natkat

Honestly nobody knows what cause or change peoples sexuality, if they did sociaty would probably make gay abortions and anti-gay pills who actually worked.
they have clues but you cant prove anything for sure.

From my experience its posible people change sexuality, but its generally rare and the change are more likely to be someone who finally become open about how they feel since we live in a world where we have to fit into narrow boxes which obviously not everyone fits.
I dont think homones really have that huge effect on changing peoples sexuality as some say. its more people who take homones make change emotionally. For some people getting homones and a body they feel confortable gets a positive inpact on there sex or dating experience, they somehow become more free because they got more confidence within themself and they may also get to express there need in a way they was afraid of before. A lesbian woman may never really had wanted to be with another women, not because she didnt want to but because she didnt like to be previewed as a man, but as she transition she may get more confortable being a woman, and finding women who sees her as she is, and it could change how she feel.
I seen many who experience a bit of change because there life change, its not nessesarry a change on sexuality, I dont feel I seen so much of that,  but a change on interest in sex or dating or how troublemakers became more claim or depressed shy people got more outspoken simple because they got more confident within themself.
So its a diffrent of what you really want but dont do cause of fear or insecurity, or what you actually dont want simple because you dont.

im bisexual and it havent really change before or after T. I did became more sexual as I got more confortable in my body, and confortable enough to show it and it more what I mention above.
being Bi I had alot of worried of my sexuality and how it would infect me or change for a period. First I was sure I was straight cause I liked a girl from my class, and I was very afraid I wasnt obviously because being
gay was "bad" I know its not and my parrent suport me, but we dont live in a suportive world and being gay would just add another struggle to my already difficult life. therefore I got really sad when I actually felt for a guy and couldnt deny that part of me any longer. I cried for a time but then I moved on. when I was to take testostorone I had started getting more confortable with how I felt and I got abit worried, how it would be if I turned 100% gay or straight, it was not something I wanted, not because of opression but because it was unfamiliar and I had no idea how I would handle that or how it would infect my life.
it havent really changed anything but bottom line is that its not something I have controll over, No matter if I take homones or not I cant controll who I feel sexualy attracted to or not, If I could daim my life would had been SO easy.

but really you shouldnt worry about it cause its not something you can really have the contoll of, its like worried about you might be droven over by a car, and yes you might cause some do, but you might also never do and then you have wasted your whole life worried about it.
If you all deep honestly are straight and into girls, not because its "the right choice" or because "its simple" or "normal" and theres nothing telling you that you are into guys, then your not anymore likely to change your sexuality than other cisguys, so pack your worries down in a box and send them away.

if you one day find yourself into a guy that make you questionate then you can unpack the box and start worry and questionate and take those problems there by seeking the suport you need, but dont deal with this unless it issues for you. its my advice.




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jossef-ftm

i don't know why everybody trying to force me to be gay and accept things i don't like, i'm not hating gays i have gay and lesbian friends and nothing disgus me, when i see a gay family i say oh that beautiful and i wish them the best, i hate the idea of being with a guy cause i'm a straight dude that's all, it's not for me i don't like this relation between me and an other guy cause i'm STRAIGHT and i don't like to touch an other guy i'm only into females that's all and the fear i have of becoming gay not cause i hate gays its cause i kinda lose who truly i'm inside and i don't want that!! about the dating thing if my gf tell me she was a he in the past i will accept her and not leaving her ofc cause she is a female now and the past is the past but if my girl is bio and tell me she wanna be a dude then i will leave her cause i dont wanna be with an other guy!! i think everything is clear now! and about the ones try to let everything look ok like its ok be with a f or m, that called being bisexual and i'm not bi..and its not ok for me to be with a guy not cause i hate its cause i'm straight and u kinda tell me to not fear and its ok its kinda pushing me to be bi and i'm not, i accept everyone as the way they r is.. i accept that you open to be with f or m but me i cant see me with an m ever!
Sometimes, it's hard to find words to tell you how much you mean to me. A lot of times, I don't say anything at all. But I hope someday, you'll understand, having you is what I live for...(I Love you my Queen )
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jossef-ftm

 Natkat: thnx for the reply bro, and no i never felt anything toward a dude, and nothing push me to be straight or just cause i think its the right choice NO , i'm into females cause i admire females that's all...it's only i was worried cause i read somewhere its possible to wake up a day with a different sexuality and that freaked me out that's all.
Sometimes, it's hard to find words to tell you how much you mean to me. A lot of times, I don't say anything at all. But I hope someday, you'll understand, having you is what I live for...(I Love you my Queen )
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Contravene

No one's forcing to to be anything. If you so vehemently think that a change in sexuality is going to make you lose who you "truly are inside" then something else is wrong.
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Tossu-sama

People might be reacting strongly to your choice of words, saying you'd "hate to be gay" isn't probably the best way to put it. But that's just my point of view.

As for me, I considered myself to be a bisexual who gravitated towards females but being on T that's kinda changed and now I admit I'm more interested in men with the exception of my fiancée. Thus, I say I'm a one woman's straight guy and otherwise pretty gay. :D
But seriously, I think being on T just made me feel more comfortable with myself and made it easier to for me to admit that yes, I actually find men more attractive than women.
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Skyler

T will just make you feel more comfortable and more "you". I believe that is why some peoples sexuality kind of "change" or they were just internalizing it. However for some people their sexuality does change and it has nothing to do with being on hormones for some it is just apart of life. If that happens you just need to accept it. No one is forcing you here to be bi or say you should be bi. You are just coming off blunt and rude saying how you would 'hate' to be gay repeatedly. Don't worry about your sexuality you seem so adamantly attracted to women ;)
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Ryan55

I'm into chicks but I mean I also use to date guys when I was in "girl mode". I experimented and tried to figure out who I was and who I liked that whole thing. Anyway I do like chicks, but if a guy did come a long that made me happy, why not?? If your worried about the whole, you should just stay as a girl then if you date guys, don't, its totally different dating a guy as a guy and dating a guy as a girl.

anyway besides that, I been on T for almost 8 months and I haven't wanted to be with guys. Still chicks is what I'm after. Sexuality and gender are separate things, just need to find what and whom makes you happy.


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Arch

Folks, I don't think Jossef's first language is English, so cut him a break. He seems to be saying that as a straight guy now, he's not thrilled with the idea of being with another guy. I feel the same way when people suggest that I sleep with women. I'm gay, and the idea of having sex with women is just...no. At the same time, I have no animus toward straight people in general. They have their thing, and I have mine.

If my sexual orientation ever changed in the future, I would likely have difficulty with the shift. I have spent my whole life either identifying as a gay boy or living as a gay man, and I suspect that the very idea of giving that up would be most distressing--not just from my current perspective but also generally speaking.
"The hammer is my penis." --Captain Hammer

"When all you have is a hammer . . ." --Anonymous carpenter
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ThatAussieDude

T is just a hormone. If you're straight now, it won't change that. I was pansexual and that hasn't changed. My attitude towards sex has, but not my orientation. I'm less interested in sex and relationships, mentally. Physically T made my drive aggressive and more needy and urgent. T has made most of my dysphoria worse, so for that reason I'm almost asexual. But if I found someone that understood me etc, and I felt comfortable with them, I'm attracted and might enquire. Same as pre-T. It will never change, the orientation part of my sexuality
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Contravene

Here, I guess I'll elaborate since my last post may have seemed a little harsh. You've mentioned before that where you live is very homophobic and transphobic so I wonder if that's the reason you're so against the idea of having a fluid sexuality. At least when you transition you'll have a chance of being accepted as a straight man where you live but if you were to transition and become gay, it could seem like a disaster.
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