confused

[caringandenlightened]

Hello all you lovely people. I'm a 57 year old guy and wondering why I'm here to be honest. All I know is I'm very attracted to men who become women. I don't like labels I just see a person, not a sex object, male or female or whatever in between. I may say the wrong things here and I'm sorry in advance if I make silly statements or assumptions about any person or subject.
It's not that I'm particularly opinionated but I do feel very strongly about a persons right to live the life they choose as long as they harm no others

I have suffered with a number of mental health issues for most of my life i.e. depression, anxiety, social anxiety, low self esteem, zero confidence in myself as a person and self loathing as long as I can remember.. I can't believe I'm writing this right now and I can't help crying now as I'm writing it

I can't write anymore right now all I know is I'm very attracted to men who look like women, not totally in a sexual way I am....feeling a bit better for now so I'll carry on a bit here ok. I don't see a man looking like a woman I actually see a beautiful woman with personality and maybe some understanding of male issues, the male mindset, a big heart through her own struggles. I do admit I'm attracted to folk whether they are pre op or post because it's not about one particular part of a person it's the whole bit if you know what I mean.

I consider myself an ok person though and I am good fun honest. Part of my condition means I am quite obsessive about some things, work in particular and I am very passionate and creative in this. I also have very strong feelings about many issues causing people pain right now. I'm a bit political in some of my views on social justice  and the myriad of problems facing this world right now....deep eh!

Hope I've not scared the ->-bleeped-<- of of anyone lol

wishing you all the best in life in whatever path that may be

[Cindy]

Hi Confused,

One thing has to be made clear, the majority of transgender woman are NOT men who dress as women. We are women who were gender miss-identified at birth.

Referring to us in such a way is, to be frank, disgusting.

[V M]

Hi   

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Not scared and are here to help, but it would probably be to your benefit to learn how to address your issues without insulting the community

Also, this is not a dating site

Here's some quick links to help you along

Please be sure to review

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation rules
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

Hugs

V M

[stephaniec]

personally , I view myself as a girl becoming a woman

[mrs izzy]

<< Standing with arms crossed shaking my head.

Grrr!

[Miss_Bungle1991]

I don't see a man looking like a woman I actually see a beautiful woman with personality and maybe some understanding of male issues, the male mindset, a big heart through her own struggles. I do admit I'm attracted to folk whether they are pre op or post because it's not about one particular part of a person it's the whole bit if you know what I mean.

Well...here's the thing:

I NEVER had any understanding of "the male mindset" or any "male issues". They were foreign, odd, bizarre and even stupid to me at times. It's just one of many things about being born in the wrong body that was completely screwed up. Feeling like an alien in your own body and then, having to deal with all of the crap that came with that.

[caringandenlightened]

Hi Confused,

One thing has to be made clear, the majority of transgender woman are NOT men who dress as women. We are women who were gender miss-identified at birth.

Referring to us in such a way is, to be frank, disgusting.

Knew I'd get it totally wrong...oh ->-bleeped-<-

Ok I'm very sorry about that. I did say I apologise in advance as I have limited understanding. I thought I was being honest and speaking from the heart but you are absolutely right to say It's disgusting. Looking back over my post I can't believe I made such a crass remark 'Men who look like women' when I  actually have read up a bit and do have a little understanding of gender mis identification. Unlike many others I know it is very real. I should be able to express myself better though especially as I face stigma over mental health and age issues myself, mainly at work or should I say trying to hold down a job.

Apologies once again.  Perhaps I should not be on this but I will be honest and say it's because I am attracted to trans gender people I can't help that. I don't know if I'm even bi sexual or what? does it really matter?
Whether I was to ever meet or have a relationship with a transgender person is not the most important thing to me and I'm being honest about that. I guess I'm on here trying to find answers to why am I like this.

My true motivation for being here is to talk to people if I'm honest. I do have friends and a long term partner so I'm no weirdo you know but I can't talk to anyone about these feelings. I have an appointment soon with a phycosexual counsellor so that should be interesting. Maybe I should stop troubling myself about this. Maybe this is offensive to you too that I should be troubling myself over this I don't know.
I'm not the best at expressing myself and I'm not highly educated but I'm honest. And yes my partner knows how I feel and is still with me, god knows why!

There is a whole lot more to my own story but difficult to blurt it all out in one go and who says there is anyone interested in hearing it? Should I tell my story to strangers when they have their own issues to get through, why should anyone care? Why do I think I have the right to come on here and ramble on when I have so little understanding of what you face?

Lots of questions

All the best

steven

[caringandenlightened]

I feel a right tit now

[caringandenlightened]

Thanks for the welcome and not having a right go at me. I'm not on looking for a date I knew what the site is about for before joining. I'm looking for answers more than anything I suppose. I wanted to talk to people who might understand some of the many issues, mainly in regard to mental health which must be a concern to many of the folk here.

feeling sad now that I might be ignored or ostracized for my stupid remarks.

Hi   

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Not scared and are here to help, but it would probably be to your benefit to learn how to address your issues without insulting the community

Also, this is not a dating site

Here's some quick links to help you along

Please be sure to review

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation rules
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

Hugs

V M

[evecrook]

please don't take this wrong, I really just want to help. What I'm understanding from what you said so far is that your sexually attracted to MTF's because you feel they are men changing to be women. I not quite understanding are you your self thinking that you are an MTF who is attracted to other MTF's as an MTF yourself or are you simply sexually attracted to MTF's .I would say that if the nature of your situation  is that your confused about your attraction the better place to get your answers would be from a professional medical environment  . We really can only guide you with your transitioning if that's what your confused about.

[Ms Grace]

I'm really not sure what you're hoping to achieve here. This is a support site for trans people and while we are happy to educate others about trans issues and offer support for the significant others of trans people this isn't a support site for people who have a "thing" or "fascination" for trans people. So what is it you want to know?

[MeghanAndrews]

Hey Caring and Enlightened,
First, welcome. I think you are struggling with what a lot of trans-attracted men struggle with. You've had a lifetime of shame heaped on you by a society that defines TWO forms of attraction....pretty much. Gay, Straight. Male, female. Binary. Etc. I would encourage you to really think through where your attraction comes from and be honest with yourself and your desires. Don't let that internal voice that tells you you are "less than" because of these desires drive you. Just admitting you have feelings is a big step.

One of the things that is probably important for you to realize is that you are maybe just coming out with this info in a public space, a space where most of us have worked through a lot of our own issues with shame and self-loathing, hopefully. So while you are exploring, you are in a forum with tons of people who can feel triggered by your desires and exploration. The notion that you are attracted to pre-op people is jarring for a lot of people here, I think. Just be aware of that as you explore and open up.

As for your desires, there are lots of guys who are trans-attracted, and they all have their own reasons for that. You might want to search out those guys and speak with them and try to come to a deeper understanding of those desires. They are what they are, they don't need to be fixed. You are not broken, just like no one here is broken. Self acceptance goes a long, long way in life. You are in a really tough spot. You desire people who, for the most part, would love nothing more than to get rid of part of what you desire, and for those that don't, probably don't want to be fetishized and objectified. Maybe some do, I don't know.

Anyway, I wish you luck. I think guys who are trans-attracted are in one of the toughest situations you can be in. I've always compared it to being like someone who is REALLY attracted to the larva stage of a caterpillar before it turns into a butterfly. It's a stage in life for most people, one they can't get through fast enough. If butterflies could speak, maybe some of them would be like "UGH! DON'T REMIND ME OF WHEN I USED TO BE GROUNDED AND COULDN'T FLY!" So when you speak to caterpillars about how you really like their ability to crawl around and their beautiful colors and their changes they are going to go through, it's like they might not want you to appreciate that part of them because it's temporary. Does that make sense? It's a process a lot of people just want to get through and not have genital focus while they are doing it.

I think many transpeople also have a lot of shame around their genitals that they try to work through. You start factoring in being in transition and trying to work through our own issues and then factoring in a guy who like parts of our bodies that we don't even want, it's complicated. Soooo, lol, sorry for rambling, but I hope you get where I am coming from. I wish you the best of luck finding what you are looking for and hope that you explore the name you gave yourself throughout your life: caringandenlightened. Good luck! Meghan

[Arch]

The more you learn, the less likely you are to offend. If you haven't already, try reading some of the other threads on this site; they should give you knowledge and perspective. And good luck with the counselor.

[AbbyKat]

Hey there.  I think Meghan really nailed it with her reply.  You are in a tough position, especially because you are trying to learn about medical condition when you may not even realize it is, indeed, a "condition".  I've always been attracted to pregnant women and while some think it's cute, others think it's insulting.  Like you, my attraction isn't even derived from sexuality but more of a fascination. 

A person being grown in a womb I'll never have is probably as fascinating to me in much the same way as a woman in a man's body transforming her body into a woman's body is to you.  Maybe it's the struggle and transformation you are attracted to.  Maybe I'm giving you too much credit but I can see very noble origins to an attraction like that.  My wife finds really fat men who are determined to lose weight more attractive than well-built men who are content with their shape.  I thought it was just her way of letting me feel better about my extra 15 pounds but it's a genuine thing for her and I get it; she is attracted to the struggle and her infatuation somehow mingles with an empathy that desires to cheer from a position that's closer than just the sidelines.

In any case, the people here have to put up with a whole lot of crap on a daily basis so try not to take it too harshly if we misread you.  I'm slowly learning that a mile in our shoes makes a person very vigilant.  Good luck with your therapy and realize that the members truly are here because they are going through something extraordinary and (hopefully) miraculous.  This means your education into this world may be most effective through observation and reading through the threads.  You'll quickly see that you'll get answers to questions you should be asking but wouldn't have thought of.

[suzifrommd]

caringandenlightened, please accept my welcome to Susan's. I'm hearing your attraction to folks like us troubles you. Please know that sexual feelings of any kind are nothing to be ashamed of.

Also, I'd like to express my opinion that I'm happy that you are posting here. I am not as offended by your initial post as some of the others. I believe you wrote what you did from lack of information and that you seem willing to educate yourself.

If you're interested in acting on your feelings, my only advice is to be open and respectful. Be honest about how you feel and respect the wishes, boundaries, interests, and identity of the people you meet.

Good luck. I wish you success.

[stephaniec]

Hi Confused,

One thing has to be made clear, the majority of transgender woman are NOT men who dress as women. We are women who were gender miss-identified at birth.

Referring to us in such a way is, to be frank, disgusting.

I have to totally agree here

[mrs izzy]

caringandenlightened
Welcome to Susan's family

So many topics to explore and posts to write

Take your time as others said to find and educate your path.

Therapist is a great start towards better understanding the community.

[caringandenlightened]

Hi All

Many thanks to everyone for taking the time to reply in a constructive and helpful way. Thank you to those who have attempted to read between the lines. I was going to reply individually to you but will end up repeating myself somewhat but thanks especially to Meghan,Abysha and Suzi for not being judgemental at my efforts to understand.

I'm a bit nervous now of what to say for fear of offending. I totally understand why some of you are offended and maybe just a bit sensitive and raw with all the stuff you have to put up with at times. I understand this part totally as I face it myself with Mental Health issues as I have said. I am indeed a caring sort because of my own difficulties but obviously not as 'enlightened' as I thought but how could I possibly be? I only have experience of 'Coming Out' regarding my own Mental Health difficulties, not through choice I should add, it is necessary for me to do so now as I am finding it more and more difficult to hide it in many situations especially at work and in social situations. I am ok one to one with nice people but no good in larger groups especially if there are any party animals or centre of attention types around. I do try to be nice to folk and understand that everyone has problems but I am deeply mistrustful of people I don't know well.

My feeling about it right now is that my attraction to trans gender folk is borne from issues that go a long way back. One of them being emotional neglect in childhood. I now see a trans gender person at any stage of their transition as somehow better than a biological woman because of the struggle she has had to get through life. It is not sexual at all now I realise. I guess all I'm looking for is the perfect women that understands more deeply that things are not so black and white in life. I can hear the cry now from some of you 'We don't want to be viewed as better' we just want to lead the life we want without all this focus on us. I would be interested to know whether any of you have encountered this kind of thinking from a man before? or am I unique in this?

All I feel like doing is wrapping my arms around someone and loving them, giving respect, understanding. A soul mate actually that has a deeper understanding that life is far from simple. My feelings do not stem from feeling sorry for any of you but I do feel bad about the pain many of you suffer through discrimination and the less caring in society whatever their reasons for that.

I feel I have indeed come to the wrong place to discuss my feelings though and I think I would be better going to another forum as some of you suggest because I will never be able to discuss many of the issues you have to get through in life.
My appointment with the counsellor is the first step, hopefully I will find some answers finally. It's never too late to get sorted I say. If I can have five to ten years with some kind of peace of mind I'll be grateful for that.

Best wishes everyone

[stephaniec]

I'm just a woman neither better or worse.

[evecrook]

I'm still a little confused as to what your trying to say . I may be mistaken and I am truly sorry if I am, but you seem to be saying your interested in transgender women because you feel  they are hybrids rather than completely women