My decision on upcoming GRS

[Cindy]

If I wasn't so high profile here, and elsewhere, I would keep this private, but in the circumstance I feel it important to let people know.

I am due for GRS on Feb 24 and the last few weeks of preping etc have been a bit of a struggle for me.

Over the last week or so I have consulted with friends, including some dear people here, my wife (who just said, 'I will support whatever makes you happy) and today my medical team. I seem to have a rather extensive medical team! Two psychiatrists (one a friend, one who looks after me), my endo/gynecologist , my GP and Andy my surgeon.

My decision is that I am not ready for GRS and I am postponing it.

Every single person who I have talked to has been fully supportive. Indeed Andy just said 'Young lady I am here to help you, I would never ever willingly operate for any procedure to a person who has doubts about it; if and when you change your mind I am here for you"

There are a number of reasons but I'll mention one.

I have suffered chronic depression for 50 years due to being TG, the last three years, when I transitioned fully, hormonally and socially, have been the happiest years of my life.

I'm not dysphoric about my 'remnants' and cosmetically? Well everything has disappeared to such a degree that I can and do wear a bikini and frightened the boys on the beach - Oh god not another cougar

It was summarised by one young lady here, who I hold in very high regard

"The way I've been thinking of it is- if I'm happy now, why take drastic measures to change something? "

I feel relieved in making my decision and a weight has been lifted from me; which says a lot.

Thank You

Cindy

[mrs izzy]

Cindy
Happy you have settled your mind.

As we talked about the whole issue of GCS I will just echo that there is always tomorrow if you feel the need.

If the wrong decision tomorrow will bring lots of pain and mental anguish.

Hugs and watch out men here come Cindy!

[Lady_Oracle]

I'm happy for you Cindy! Thank you for sharing this with us, hugs! <3

I think it's really important to highlight and show how one needs to consider how they themselves truly feel without any outside influences when making this decision about grs or any major surgery...ehh that was a mouthful, I think I got my point across lol..

[Devlyn]

I'm a bit surprised but 100% behind your decision. It's a journey, not a race. C'mon up here to Boston and walk around in that bikini, I dare ya! We're all bundled up like Eskimos!

Hugs, Devlyn

[Sandy]

Cindy:

I completely support your decision.  This is a deeply personal decision and must be done for all the right reasons.  And not because anyone else thinks you should.

There is a more-trans-than-thou undercurrent in our community that is based on whether or not we have surgery.

I completely reject this.  The decision for surgery, and indeed any change, is completely a personal one and should only be done if the person is completely at peace with those changes.

Being trans isn't proved by surgery.  You know who you are and that is all that matters.

Congratulations!

-Sandy

[Jenny07]

You will still be Cindy we know and fear so don't worry.
Just be happy and we will be with you know matter what.

Get out and be that Cougar your are and I expect a visit from you shortly now.
Oh deer.

[AnonyMs]

Hi Cindy,

While I understand your' desire for privacy and the awkward position you're in, I'd just like to say I think you've done a really good thing by going public with this.

I was surprised and even somewhat shocked when I read your post, and then even more surprised and shocked by the depth of my reaction to it. I've been thinking about it for hours now, and I'm having difficulty understanding my feelings about it.

I feel a bit like I've just heard a missing part of a puzzle that I didn't even know what missing. I don't recall hearing of many people stopping close to surgery, but there must be plenty of people who do, and even more who consider it. I wonder how many people should pause, and don't because it's not something anyone talks about.

Possibly I've been taking surgery far too lightly; easily done perhaps when it's a distance away. How am I going to feel I wonder when its gets closer to reality.

I'm not asking, but should you ever decide to share more I'm sure it will help a great many others.

[adrian]

Cindy, I'm very happy that you have found an answer to your doubts!

Often, it's much harder to step back from a decision than to go with the "flow" and just carry through with it. I'm glad that you had the strength to reconsider.

[stephaniec]

I'm going through the same thoughts , but I'm a couple years away from any actuality. I know the hell I've gone through with the wrong equipment and am still going through 24/7 . It's a though decision when your our age because we can see the definitive line drawn in the sand that no one can budge . We want to use our time the best possible way. I found also that just being on HRT has brought  such relief from the pain. It's a tough decision at any age and I constantly am aware of it. Lake Michigan water temp at 32 degrees F, bring the bikini

[Zumbagirl]

Thanks for providing a reasoned decision to the community. Surgery is not always the answer. It was for me, but not for everyone.

[Brenda E]

I feel relieved in making my decision and a weight has been lifted from me; which says a lot.

Often when faced with a difficult choice, you know you've made the right decision if you feel this way afterwards.

Thanks for sharing.

[Myarkstir]

Having just gone through it myself i can vouch, it is a big thing to go through. Lots of pain and mental ups and downs (post op depression here).

So if you feel you have to wait then so be it. It's gonna be there for you when you are ready. Don't let anyone push you into it .

[ImagineKate]

Cindy,

It is your body, and your decision. The only one who can decide if you're making a right decision is you.

I admire your courage and the fact that you are self accepting and happy.

[jeni]

That's awesome, Cindy. As I've begun this journey, I've often tried to remind myself that the goal is not to obtain some particular physical change, but to reach a place where I'm comfortable and happy. I sometimes worry that I have an idea now about what I'll want tomorrow, and that by having those very thoughts I will put pressure on myself to do what the "old" me wanted. You are setting a beautiful example of how I want to travel through my own transition, wherever it "ends." Thanks and thank you for sharing!

[traci_k]

Cindy, I too want to commend you on your courage to go public with your decision to delay surgery. The goal behind transition is to be rid of the pain, depression and other side effects of GD, niot to get a vag, and get to a point where you are happy and comfortable and doesn't require GDC, so be it. As we've seen here there was at least one poster who felt like she was coerced into the surgery and later regretted. Far better to put off surgery and have the option open than to have the surgery  and later regret. Plus, like most surgeries, it is invasive and painful and if you don't need it to feel whole, there's no point. Transwomen need to understand that THEY are in charge of their bodies, not the psychiatrist, therapist, or surgeon. WPATH guidelines don't say that surgery is the ultimate goal. Transitioning to where you are comfortable is.

Thanks for your courage to go public. You are a remarkable woman.

Hugs,

[King Malachite]

Hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it right?  That saves you a lot of time, stress, and money.  I support your decision!  I think it is wonderful that you shared, especially a a high-profile person, because it further shows that not all of us need lower surgery to be fully happy!

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Are you happy now? That is all that matters. It is your life and your choice. Like the others, you have my total support.

You are still my Aussie sister, and I love you.

[suzifrommd]

Now the legions of non-op girls can count another among their number.

All power to them.

[cindy16]

Thanks for sharing this Cindy.
It is heartening to read about such a decision and to know that it is not an all-or-nothing journey, especially for someone like me whose main fear in even coming to terms with my GD has been the fear of making hard choices.

[Ms Grace]

Good on you hon for your bravery and honesty. Hugs!