How do you Know When it's Time to Start Presenting?

[Jasper93]

I do not know where you live, but I think it is very rude or even criminal that the guy chases and attacks you verbally. Why don't you call police?

I have never faced such a case during the last 12 years.

Gradual progress is always nice and better. People need some time to digest and be adjusted to your new presentation.

Good luck!

barbie~~

Thanks for your input; I agree. I live on a college campus... Indiana University, which crazily enough is home to the Kinsey Institute, one of the first GLBT centers, and even LaVerne Cox at one time (says our GLBT coordinator). It's GLBT world, yet I was walking just off-campus whenever I got confronted by the man, a pedestrian probably in his 50s. Wasn't even presenting...just had slim jeans on.

It happened like six hours ago. It prompted me to consider this whole thing, as, if I presented, I don't think people would yell to me about how gay I must look... But would instead just see a female. But I'm obviously going to develop some confidence and practice, as put forth in previous posts, before I embark on such a journey.

I'd have called the cops, but I don't have a phone... I pay for my schooling, so yeah. Glad I wasn't dumb enough to fight like I would have four months ago. But he probably wouldn't have had this problem four months ago.

[Zoetrope]

I knew when the wild horse of my personality bolted the stables. 12 months ago :~)

x

[Seras]

I have in fact presented myself to the world as I feel "viscerally" and I passed too to quite a lot of people but not everyone as this was pre-HRT. I also judge myself and feel I must present a certain level of femininity before presenting as so. I am also terrified of looking in the mirror and seeing a guy trying to look female that always made me feel terrible, real terrible. Nowadays though I do it all the time and I get more and more confident in myself every day, occasionally in public too. I am sorry I caused your dysphoria to spike but I can't help it if you are offended by insinuating implications that you place upon my words saying things I did not say.

[ImagineKate]

My 2¢:

Try it out and see.

I started off slow. Basically getting out of the house, the first stop for going out as me was my therapist. Well, not entirely. I wore a feminine top and a pair of men's skinny jeans. It probably looked ridiculous but nobody said a word. Probably helped that I was walking around Chelsea, NYC.

Bolder steps were when I completed the outfit and started wearing women's jeans. Went to my new therapist dressed up that way. I also bought a winter jacket and wore that. That was the tipping point. Without makeup I was getting "miss" and "ma'am" with doors held open and the like. I still didn't go FT yet and I'm not going to until summer. Clothes are just one part of it. When I shaped the brows that kind of sealed the deal.

Now I go out all the time as me. I don't go to work fully as me but I push it, partially covered by sweaters and outerwear.

The reason for this is twofold.

One, work wants a hard date more or less. I want my name and gender marker change before I do that. I also want to do our taxes before I change my name.

Two, I plan to do this over summer because I will likely be going for VFS then, and the kids are off school so I won't have any questions if I just show up as a woman one day in the middle of the school year.

But... The best made plans often change. If I can get my voice somewhat passable, I will probably go FT at work sooner. School remains the only obstacle, but I can deal with that somewhat by partially covering up.

This is why starting transition over winter is a good thing.

I also need to get rid of the square man glasses and do my makeup properly, both of which depend on $ so I'm trying to iron that out first.

[Lostkitten]

What do you consider as full-time exactly? Wear a female cut t-shirt and skinny jeans and you can basically already be full-time. Just adjust your clothing style bit by bits. Eventually you feel it makes situations more awkward to try and present as a guy, than to just be you.

[Vicky Mitchell]

I tend to use a simple approach to get answers to most problems in life...

Which Pain is Worse?

There are no perfect answers. For sure you know the pain of one choice. Yet, do you know the pain of the other? There is likely nothing to stop you from venturing out into the real world as the real you on a temporary basis. "Presenting" isn't an Not or Forever choice. I've done part-time for quite a while. 

I like that.  "Which pain is worst" i too live by and make a lot of decisions of lately with the saying which one will make me happy.   And to be honest you never know until you try.   So if presenting male is a burden try going out somewhere quite as your true self and just see what happens.  Who knows you may be surprised and see the world in a new light.

Best of luck to you.


Vicky
MtF

[alexbb]

"Which pain is worst" i too live by and make a lot of decisions of lately with the saying which one will make me happy.   And to be honest you never know until you try.   So if presenting male is a burden try going out somewhere quite as your true self and just see what happens.  Who knows you may be surprised and see the world in a new light.

1000% agree!!

[ImagineKate]

What do you consider as full-time exactly? Wear a female cut t-shirt and skinny jeans and you can basically already be full-time. Just adjust your clothing style bit by bits. Eventually you feel it makes situations more awkward to try and present as a guy, than to just be you.

That's a good point.

Full time for me will be a gradual process. However at work it has to be a hard cutover, so I can get my IDs changed and so I won't be challenged using the correct restrooms.

Now, I do use the women's restrooms outside of work. However, not when I'm in guy mode at all. I'd rather avoid trouble. I also use the family restrooms wherever possible when I'm not presenting F, and when I'm with kids.

The tipping point for that for me was when my daughter asked, "why are we going to the men's bathroom? You're a girl, girls go to the girl's bathroom." She was right.

[Zora Nebesa]

I have given up on trying to be masculine.  In times when I think it might be a bit problematic for me, I will "dress down" and go more androgynous but not really any less female.

[Ara]

My plan is to go full time when I feel confident about my ability to pass properly in public.  I have so so SO much respect for anyone who goes full time without HRT, without a lot of things.  If it was mandatory for my transition that I live as a woman before getting hormones then I just wouldn't be capable.   I admire people who can go full time in hostile situations, they must be tough as nails!

Really it has to be up to you as to when you reveal who you really are.  If you feel strong enough to do it now, then go ahead! 

[Mariah]

As others have pointed out only you can actually answer that question as to when your ready to do that. I eased into it over a months time adding to what I was doing sliding from andro to fem pretty quickly. I didn't set any specific time table as to when I would reach presently completely, but it was all based on what and when I was ready to do things. You need to find a method that works best for you and use it including consulting your therapist. It felt right when I reached that point and at that point I could bare to present as male anymore and didn't try.
Mariah

[Jasper93]

I have in fact presented myself to the world as I feel "viscerally" and I passed too to quite a lot of people but not everyone as this was pre-HRT. I also judge myself and feel I must present a certain level of femininity before presenting as so. I am also terrified of looking in the mirror and seeing a guy trying to look female that always made me feel terrible, real terrible. Nowadays though I do it all the time and I get more and more confident in myself every day, occasionally in public too. I am sorry I caused your dysphoria to spike but I can't help it if you are offended by insinuating implications that you place upon my words saying things I did not say.

Cool. "Viscerally" mean internally, by the way.

[Jasper93]

My 2¢:

Try it out and see.

I started off slow. Basically getting out of the house, the first stop for going out as me was my therapist. Well, not entirely. I wore a feminine top and a pair of men's skinny jeans. It probably looked ridiculous but nobody said a word. Probably helped that I was walking around Chelsea, NYC.

Bolder steps were when I completed the outfit and started wearing women's jeans. Went to my new therapist dressed up that way. I also bought a winter jacket and wore that. That was the tipping point. Without makeup I was getting "miss" and "ma'am" with doors held open and the like. I still didn't go FT yet and I'm not going to until summer. Clothes are just one part of it. When I shaped the brows that kind of sealed the deal.

Now I go out all the time as me. I don't go to work fully as me but I push it, partially covered by sweaters and outerwear.

The reason for this is twofold.

One, work wants a hard date more or less. I want my name and gender marker change before I do that. I also want to do our taxes before I change my name.

Two, I plan to do this over summer because I will likely be going for VFS then, and the kids are off school so I won't have any questions if I just show up as a woman one day in the middle of the school year.

But... The best made plans often change. If I can get my voice somewhat passable, I will probably go FT at work sooner. School remains the only obstacle, but I can deal with that somewhat by partially covering up.

This is why starting transition over winter is a good thing.

I also need to get rid of the square man glasses and do my makeup properly, both of which depend on $ so I'm trying to iron that out first.

Thanks for your input. Your method you utilized to hopefully ease into presenting is similar to my own. I've been dressing androgynously... Just converse, skinny jeans, a jacket, and maybe a beanie. A and I too am experiencing what you've recounted... Guys holding doors open for me, getting mam'd here a there... And this group of sorority girls today were handing out shirts today, stopped me, and asked if I wanted one. The gave me a female-styled shirt instead of the male option. I'm transitioning in winter as well!

[Jasper93]

My 2¢:

Try it out and see.

I started off slow. Basically getting out of the house, the first stop for going out as me was my therapist. Well, not entirely. I wore a feminine top and a pair of men's skinny jeans. It probably looked ridiculous but nobody said a word. Probably helped that I was walking around Chelsea, NYC.

Bolder steps were when I completed the outfit and started wearing women's jeans. Went to my new therapist dressed up that way. I also bought a winter jacket and wore that. That was the tipping point. Without makeup I was getting "miss" and "ma'am" with doors held open and the like. I still didn't go FT yet and I'm not going to until summer. Clothes are just one part of it. When I shaped the brows that kind of sealed the deal.

Now I go out all the time as me. I don't go to work fully as me but I push it, partially covered by sweaters and outerwear.

The reason for this is twofold.

One, work wants a hard date more or less. I want my name and gender marker change before I do that. I also want to do our taxes before I change my name.

Two, I plan to do this over summer because I will likely be going for VFS then, and the kids are off school so I won't have any questions if I just show up as a woman one day in the middle of the school year.

But... The best made plans often change. If I can get my voice somewhat passable, I will probably go FT at work sooner. School remains the only obstacle, but I can deal with that somewhat by partially covering up.

This is why starting transition over winter is a good thing.

I also need to get rid of the square man glasses and do my makeup properly, both of which depend on $ so I'm trying to iron that out first.

Thanks for your input. We have similar experiences. I'm presenting amdrogynously currently, unless you count this wonderful bowl haircut. Like what you've recounted, I've been ma'am'd, have had doors open for me, and this group  girls were handing out shirts to passersby today... They asked me if I wanted on, so I said yes and walked up to them. The shirt I was given was female-styled... Never dreamed that a sorority girl would give me my first females article of clothing lol. Either way, I can relate to your post; I may wind up taking a similar path as you.

Cheers,

Alice

[Jasper93]

What do you consider as full-time exactly? Wear a female cut t-shirt and skinny jeans and you can basically already be full-time. Just adjust your clothing style bit by bits. Eventually you feel it makes situations more awkward to try and present as a guy, than to just be you.

I've been through this exact feeling. I left a lot of my skinny jeans at him accidentally. So, I've had to dress overwhelmingly masculine on some day, and it's just so awkward for me.

[Jasper93]

I have given up on trying to be masculine.  In times when I think it might be a bit problematic for me, I will "dress down" and go more androgynous but not really any less female.

I recommend a bowl haircut like what my stylist did for me if you ever want to go undercover. Jk aLol.

[Jasper93]

I knew when the wild horse of my personality bolted the stables. 12 months ago :~)

x

Congratulations.

[Jasper93]

My plan is to go full time when I feel confident about my ability to pass properly in public.  I have so so SO much respect for anyone who goes full time without HRT, without a lot of things.  If it was mandatory for my transition that I live as a woman before getting hormones then I just wouldn't be capable.   I admire people who can go full time in hostile situations, they must be tough as nails!

Really it has to be up to you as to when you reveal who you really are.  If you feel strong enough to do it now, then go ahead!

Thanks for the encouragement. I feel strong enough to at least ease into it. The hair causes problems, though lol. I suppose experimenting with makeup might also be a necessity, which will be a challenge since I live on an all-mal floor in my residence hall.

Alice

[Jasper93]

As others have pointed out only you can actually answer that question as to when your ready to do that. I eased into it over a months time adding to what I was doing sliding from andro to fem pretty quickly. I didn't set any specific time table as to when I would reach presently completely, but it was all based on what and when I was ready to do things. You need to find a method that works best for you and use it including consulting your therapist. It felt right when I reached that point and at that point I could bare to present as male anymore and didn't try.
Mariah

Thanks for your input. I've felt compelled to establish a deadline of sorts as to when I should start presenting. I want to start next school year, and this is so that I can experience internships, etc. as female. That my university allows trans students to use their preferred name on school documents, etc., makes me feel even more compelled. Yet, it's stressful, as there is so much to learn in such a short time. But the idea you've put forth -- that maybe a timetable isn't necessary -- seems like it would be easier on my well-being.

Alice

[Jasper93]

Hi Jasper,

I went FT when I wasn't 'passing' and couldn't anyway. I came out at work where everyone knew me as a 'guy'. Yes I could still see 'him' in the mirror, and he hung around for quite awhile. But I felt I was ready as I wasn't interested in playing games anymore, I had accepted myself as the woman I am and I realised other peoples opinions meant nothing to me. It was my opinion of me that mattered.

I was lucky, people accepted me for who I am, the woman at work had no issues at all, I used the female loo from day one and no one questioned that at all. Guys were slower but I understand that, men are a bit lost in trying to get heir head around why anyone would want to be female - no matter how respectful they may be.

I did have short hair and I found a hairdresser who was happy to help me feminise my look as much as possible, they have been looking after me for three years now and I'm a bit of a favourite with them, and they are very special to me.

Yes I had been wearing female clothing most of my life and was comfortable walking and dressing appropriately for a woman my age and position. Being comfortable in your clothes is important but you can practice that at home, how to sit etc, how to go to the loo!

I also studied how women and men interact in public, you can do that at any shopping mall. Women do treat other women differently and you need to be comfortable with that as well.

This journey is different for all of us, I tend to emphasize self confidence above all else, but for some girls looks or voice are more important. So as for when? The only correct answer is when you are ready. You may well want to start off by going shopping, or to the movies, somewhere where you are anonymous, to get use to the feel of life as you.

What was important for me was knowing that there is no going back, so I did very deliberately destroy any bridge that I had to return to being 'him'.

I have never regretted it, not for a single second.

Ahh! I just now read this wonderful post! Thanks to your anecdote, Cindy. Good luck to you.

Alice