Quote from: rmaddy on January 27, 2018, 05:12:13 PM
Fair enough. Do you think you are a cis woman?
I'm a woman. And I consider myself cisgendered for the time being.
See, I don't think "cis" and "trans" are real or objective categories; rather, they are social constructions. As I see it, "being trans" means suffering from some kind of dysphoria, and having some kind of social narrative of transition or cross-gendered identification. I don't have dysphoria, I don't get misgendered, and I don't maintain a trans social narrative. This is what cisgendered people (don't) experience.
I think the social categories of "trans" and "cis" are not fixed or permanent states of being. We slip in and out of them, depending on social milieu. In my own experience, the social milieu of this forum, and places like it, are safe places to share our experiences without being misgendered; in this milieu, gender is declarative, and no one can argue what someone else's personal truth of identity is or should be. So I can "be trans" here without compromising my gendering.
It's much the same with my immediate family, but in that space I'm the one responsible for maintaining my boundaries when it comes to gender. Thankfully, my family has responded impeccably to my requests. They know if they don't they'll lose me. My family is great.
The place I'm happiest, though, is where I'm cis, which is pretty much everywhere else.
To some extent I'm employing a common metaphor -- we describe our mental states as locations. For example, we can find ourselves "in" a state of depression, as if it were a body of water. Anyways, I think of gender as residing in two cities (I call them the Citadels), one male and one female. In between these two places is a massive wasteland, and in the middle of the wasteland there is now a thriving Oasis for everyone who doesn't live in the Citadels.
To move from one Citadel to another is a daunting task which requires passage through the Oasis. But here it gets complicated. Some people realize they prefer the Oasis to either Citadel. Others find they can't pass the Citadel gates; they have no choice but to live in the Oasis. And some forget that they were going to the other Citadel, because the Oasis is now a really fabulous place.
I live in the Citadel, and occasionally pop out to visit the Oasis.