Hi folks,
So I recently came out to a dear friend. It went well like I had hoped. We talked briefly about stuff for a few days. All of sudden after our talks, I got depression. I felt so bad. It felt like I was trying to shove what I wanted and my goals in her face without any care from her. I could think about what my actions had done and I felt like I was ruining our friendship. My body started hurting, I couldn't think straight, I couldn't write sentences right, and looked at my body in disgust. Honestly I just couldn't even find the words to tell you guys. I felt like none of you would even care. This hurt me so bad. I know all of you are friends and would never let me down. I guess this is what you all meant with the dysphoria thing. I guess I never really understood the word.
She kept telling that she was fine and that she wanted to be here and help me. The dysphoria made me so emotional that I couldn't accept even me. Now I don't feel that I have it as bad as some of you have it. I do now understand more on it.
Like many of you have suggested, I found a happy mood in me when I put on my girls clothes and wig. I looked so pretty and felt like I could do this. I could become a woman. I have the motivation and drive again to move on in life. I'm sure it's possible for it to get worse as the time goes on, but I'm ready for it.
Thanks to all of you who offer help to me, you are the best.
Love,
Marty (Sammi)
