I don't know what to do...

[Dragomir]

Umm.. Ok.. Never done this type of thing before and I am very nervous but I think I could benefit from others advise so here is my situation-

When I was in elementary school I knew something was wrong. I always said, "The world is too simple for me. Why am I here?" (That started my suicidal days that still continue today) but whenever I tried to come to someone it was always the same response that it was just problems at home and with my parents. After many years as depression eased its way into me I started to notice that I was jealous. Jealous of girls. I'm not sure of what, but it hit me in 7th grade when I had my first girlfriend. It was on and off as I struggled to hide my depression. My grades slipped. I rebelled against my parents. Everything dropped to nothing. In eighth grade on the last day of school I told my best friend something I thought was insane at the time. I considered it 'my deepest secret.' I told her, "I want to be a girl." I had no clue there was a word or a community for people who felt like me. My freshman year in high school I befriended a gay guy in my marching band at school. He told me about LGBT, as that was what it was called where I am at that time. I researched the T and found it. Transgender. I have been searching that word and learning about it for a year when I told my parents, my mom first. She was ok with it. I was so happy. The only other person who knew was my middle school best friend I told my secret to. Next was my dad.. I told him and he searched me. My room, me, made me say everything I thought and I knew he was going to be the problem. He refused to let me see a therapist and asked me the same questions every day which some of them were: "What is making you say all this?" "Is it your gay friend at school?" "How long have you thought this?" "What do you want me to do about it?" "What about that girl you like?" Then he started ignoring me. 2 months after I told him I said to forget it. It wasn't worth the seclusion that was worsening my depression. Here I am a year later. I want to go after this. I've told my mom I am going after it but my Dad is the problem. Knowing him tells me he will do the exact same actions he did before. I will get nowhere either way, telling him or not. Any advise?

[suzifrommd]

Any advise?

First, welcome to Susan's. There are a lot of people here who have gone through, and are going through exactly what you are.

My advice:

1. Congratulations for figuring out who you are. Even if your father is not supporting you (yet?), it's a big step.

2. Sometimes a parent only needs to be educated. Don't know if that's the case with your father, but might help to make sure he knows the following facts:
* Being transgender is not something we chose. We are born that way.
* It doesn't go away on its own.
* It is serious. People who ignore it often suffer from anxiety and depression as a result.
* There is no "cure". No one has ever found a way to make it go away, and there has been very little success getting transgender people to feel comfortable with presenting in their birth gender if they feel a need to transition.
* Transitioning is, in many cases, a very effective treatment, leading to a happy life being comfortable with who you are.
You may need to repeat some of these multiple times - sometimes people are resistant the first time they hear something. Also keep calm as you try to educate him, though it's easy to be frustrated.

3. Your father can't prevent you from transitioning. At worst, he can delay it a few years. In the end, you will be able to live as you choose.

4. Can your mom advocate with your dad for you? If not,  is there another adult in your life who might be able to do this.

5. Most important, understand that your dad is wrong. Maybe he's doing what's he thinks is best, but you deserve to have your identity respected. Please don't forget this.

Good luck, Dragomir. This is hard, and you'll need to look into yourself for strength.

[Dragomir]

My parents aren't on the best terms but I have someone perfect in mind. Thank you for the advice. I hope I can follow my heart and keep him on my side at the same time.