This keeps annoying me for days or weeks.
Now I've been in love with a guy I met on the internet for 2 months.
I'm 17 years old and he's 18. And he's too damned far from where I am.
We both showed our faces to each other, trust each other, love each other, promise to each other.
We came up with a genius plan. It sounds crazy but It's also.. um.. heartwarming?
Here's how it goes.
First, I will try to keep my sperm in sperm bank then transgender.
Years later we get married, we both find a surrogate mother so we can keep both our bloodline going.
Then we will live like normal family and I will be a "mother".
Sounds perfect. damn. I can't even believe it. Things surely won't go this easily.
Now there's 2 different voices in my brain.
one is saying :
Don't trust him. Things won't go this easily. This will end up with tears.
You just met him 2 months ago and now you're thinking about messing up your life.
You're a guy and you will never be a "real" girl. Don't believe in this fairy tale. It sounds perfect but it's a lie.
You've been living as a male for 17 years so stay what the hell you are and keep living as a guy.
You are already 170s cm tall.
You are taller than most guys in the school (I'm an asian and I barely see people who are taller than me..).
You don't even know what you will look like. It won't be perfect.
Girls are shorter, smaller, cuter. They will know what you are. They won't accept you.
You are in a chinese-curtural country.
And it's almost impossible for you to make it to nordic country if you can only speak English to talk with others.
No one will accept you. You will have no job if you do it. The society won't accept you and you will end up suiciding.
What will it be if you really live out your pathetic dream?
Your kids may have problems. They won't have a "real" mother. They will hate you forever.
the other one is saying :
Go ahead. Don't be afraid. It's your dream to be a girl and now there's a guy waiting for you.
Try to tell your family about this.
You will be pretty. Guys like tall girls sometimes.
And years later you will really live out your dream. <-It sounds not so convincing. :\ Yeah. I'm trying to give up before it's too late.
Now I really need advice.
Sorry I'm talking so rude but it's the voice in my head.
I really don't want to do something regretable like this.
At least I want to know if it worths to do
