Looking for Direction

[ElizabethDillettante]

Ok! Not going to sugar coat anything and get right to the point. I am very shy and use the internet and my anonymous names to get answers without being directly linked to these questions. Therefore, i have emailed two supposed gender therapist and its been a month or two and have had 0 responses. Not that i dont trust a normal persons opinion but hey...why are there professionals, am i right? Anyways so basically i am looking/asking for a little help to find some well credited individuals (such as a therapist) to help me discover if i am truly transgender or if i am just a curious person. Now before i get some weird crazy responses, i do not feel 100% OMG I AM NOT THE RIGHT GENDER WTF. I am a regular average joe that has wondered, key term there, about being the other gender. I have thought this since i was about 6 or 7 and still do today. I dont have many issues with my current gender but i have always thought it would have been better to have been the other one. For years i have thought of scenarios, created multiple personas, (never dressed up as the other gender for fear of redicule or worse...my parents finding out O_O), but i have had a secret relationship with certain people who thought i was the other gender and it was the greatest experience of my life. I dont know if it was because i was acting like the other gender or if i was simply being excepted for  who i was for the first time but either way, the fact that i was cannot be over looked. So, whoever has bothered to read through this entire thing and has some meaningful advice, please feel free to tell me what you think and if you have any gender therapist or other wise credited individuals that i may seek further advice from. Have a good day and i hope to receive some well informed opinions and guidance in this manner and because this is a personal question i ask that any trolls BE GONE FROM EXISTENCE!! TY! 

[mrs izzy]

ElizabethDillettante
Welcome to Susan's family

Lots of topics to explore and post to write

Safe passage on what path you shall walk

Seems you have a great idea on getting some professionals to help cut through the fog.

So therapists! That's hard to offer suggestions not knowing a general idea of your location.

So with that said I would do a internet search for lgbtq groups in your area.

They could maybe point you in a directions.

Also check out the reference library here on the site.

Hugs

[ElizabethDillettante]

OKAY so first of i want to express my sincere gratitude for those that have already replied because i was really not expecting anything due to previously posted reasons. This lengthy post that i am posting now is a reply to a source that i was informed about but not quite sure if it was meant to inspire, ridicule or otherwise dismember the entire idea of transitioning into this horrible abyss of chaos and destruction where nothing but dismay and pain thrive on the very souls of any human being that dares to even think of such thoughts. But all in all it was a good read and seems to be for those that are older and or VERY UNINFORMED about these types of things.  TLDR: This is a rant!  LOL

ok so...just read the "so you want to be a girl" and can i just say, that was by far one of the most depressing things i have ever read. Not only does this sound like every single TS is a psychotic suicide bomber but they don't even have a single ounce of free will. Now, dont rush to conclusions, by no means am i discrediting anything this person is saying. I just dont really think that people lose their minds or stop becoming who they were or even just kill themselves. For the sake of clarity, I was born and raised on one of the best moral standards. I refused about 4 times growing up to commit suicide and after my last contemplation i vowed that i would never EVER do it and try to never ever think about it ever again. I made a conscious choice that ALL pain is temporary and i can survive. Now that being said. That book looks like it was made for, (as i think it was pointed out) the 38+ TS wannabe's and may i just say, it was really freaken scary and basically saying if your over the age of 30 DO NOT EVER THINK ABOUT THIS EVER and if you do PRAY THAT YOU WILL SURVIVE. Which kinda feels like a damn horror story. I definitely agree that for CD, TV, SM, and just some regular sexual fiends that transitioning is possibly the worst decision you can make. HOWEVER, i do not believe that unless your some bi polar "flip switch" piece of machinery that you will wake up one day thinking, "if i dont transition now im gonna kill myself" and if you do...u need more then just a transition ...need dat psychotherapy. I have done quite a bit of research and not once have i come across the "OH EVERYTHING IS GREAT" or "I HAD NO PROBLEMS" or "ITS THE BEST THING EVER". I have heard many horror stories and many real stories about TG's that chose to either have the SRS or not and each of them live their lives exactly the same and are not treated any differently aside from their families. i guess i should say that i am 21 so its not like I'm 30+ but i am not in the GOLDEN age of 16-20 because i have had to wait till i got out of my parents house. I do believe that if i choose to do it that it wont be as bad as this book is saying it will but i dont think i will have the SRS simply because i REALLY FKING HATE the thought of surgery or being cut open or cut apart. I have looked up the pictures for SRS and ...GOD they scared the shyt out of me. Also i should mention that i am not some dimwitted feminine weirdo that sits at his computer fapping and saying "OOO GIRL OOO i want to touch those boobs!!" i admit that if i did get breasts i would touch the shyt out of them but thats mainly because i haven't touched any yet and i feel like i should before i die LOL. Also i have heard from multiple sources that most of your personality stays intact during ur transition and i have seen videos of people describing their transition which AGAIN was no where near as bad as this persons, which again i need to stress, it just sounds like this person had a GOD awful transition, started SUPER FKING LATE, and still seems to have incredibly scary, horrifying, mood swings. I would of course tell anyone who has ever thought about transition, if your going to do it do it early and of course do it right cuz no point in dying.  This is a long ass reply to these things but i had to get this out because if i get some more replys of 90% of peoples lives being this dramatic and this...well just plain TERRIBLE...it sounds like if your bell goes off ..it might be better to commit suicide because even after your done, your still gonna feel like shyt and hate the world and everything you did.

[ElizabethDillettante]

Part II of my rant ROFL!!!
God her words are still ringing in my ears.  It just felt like..if you dont 100% feel like you are a woman...YOU ARE A FILTHY LIEING SACK OF SHYT AND JUST BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT IT MAKES YOU A DAMN PERVERT THAT DOES THIS FOR SEXUAL THRILLS AND WANTS TO MAKE ALL TS LOOK LIKE GAY LITTLE WEIRDOS!  Like HOLY CRAP calm down lol.  Can a TG really not be normal or something LOL. No but seriously this is no laughing matter when it comes to the decision of transitioning or not because it still is a life changing thing and does indeed have many consequences. So all in all, i am now a bit MORE uncertain because this book seemed to just take all the research i did and say ...NONE OF THAT MATTERS BECAUSE YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR PENIS OR BECAUSE YOUR NOT GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE. Soooo now that, that's out of my system. I do admit that i am relieved by reading that chapter/book that my age is actually somewhat close to being ok. But i am still in the dark on whether or not my feelings or anything mean or make any difference in this matter. I am probably gonna go search for some more forums or other websites and if possible some local ones and see if i can get more clarification of the truth behind TG's and TS's and see if they all really are psychotic suicide bombers or if they have more variety.

[Ms Grace]

Also I wouldn't particularly worry about the rantings of transphobes, they are sad little people not worth your time. I know I ignore them and it sure makes me feel a lot better!!

[Cynobyte]

While you are trying to understand your gender, we are here to help.  But please remember we are humans with feelings and our own problems.   Your suggestions of suicide and thoughts of it being stupid to be tg are very insulting.  We are not suicide bombers, (they have a sick idiology and a morbid fear of any gender that is superior to them)  we are not the serial killers they make us out in the movies.  We are a group of free spirits that lost our identity along the way.  Most will find it and become the better part of society.  Some may stay neurtal, but very few ever stay lost.
Please reread what you said and try to understand how you may feel if someone attacked you with those speaches..  we are here for you, but treat us with the respect we want to treat you.  I or none of these people would ever tell you that we would rather commit suicide before being like you!  Please understand this. 
Becoming transgender is rather a special present to most of us that makes life easier to accept.  It's not the end of the world. 
You seem to know the answer for yourself what you want.  Once you accept it, we are here to help;)

[Jessica Merriman]

OK, before you offend anyone please watch this. It will give you an idea if you should even consider transition at all. After watching it if you feel you may want to transition get back to us and we will get you to step two. This way and in steps it will assure you get a better understanding of the process and diagnosis and not rant and jump all over the place.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KfXQxn98Q6I&list=PLYwW2DO3Ojwm_8XRY4P7OGSzH0Cl5zoh2

[ElizabethDillettante]

Ok, just want to clarify something real quick. My rant had nothing to do with TG's as a whole only that book and how that author portrayed how and what it means to be a TG or a TS. Obviously i am not here to make enemies since i am seeking help which would be insanely counter productive if i was.
Anyways, i watched those videos and it does indeed relate to me, specifically the lesser. Such as onine games and personas or simply questioning in general or even imagineing and accepting at times that i wish i would jsut wake up a female, but my thought process wasn't clearly defined as gender issues. Example, I dont hate my male body, to me its not even really a problem. I dont think of my masculinity as this curse or as this THING that isn't me. I dont really associate my current state as male when i think of male. But what i like about those videos is that she basically said "it doesn't matter if you have an issue, what matters is your desire to change." Thanks for the replies and support. I actually think i might be ready to actually see someone, (therapist/doctor) to further this process along. But if any other problems, questions, or i just feel like venting i will probably be back. Thanks again. Huggs! <3

[Cindy]

I sent you a pm that you cannot yet reply to so I will repeat it here.

OK Hon,

I want you to calm down on the page of rants.

We will provide you support as we do all but you need to think about your posts and calm down.

I want you to start posting considerately and calmly without sentences in capitals screaming at people.

I realise you are frightened but there are ways to deal with being trans* most of us have walked a similar path.

So please calm down.

Cindy
Forum Admin

[ElizabethDillettante]

ok maybe not since i got reported for ranting in forums . anyways i got what i came for  >_> bye

[Cynobyte]

It's not really the rant.  There are other people on here that are in the same place as you.  They are not bombers, but they are suicidal.  We care for you as much as them, but you have to keep the calm:)  you suggestion of if you tg then you should end it..  it's not the end of the world.  It maybe the end of your misery and the beginning of a new beautiful life.  You can be both sexes  and have a gender disorder.  There is nothing   wrong with that:)  pick the best of both genders you want to be and go for that if it makes you happy.  But don't hurt yourself, and please don't hurt others in the process.  I will stand up for you when you accept yourself.  But I will stand up for the group as a whole first..  good luck;)

[Cynobyte]

Before some misread my post, I'm not suggesting everyone is suicidal. .  But some of us have been there at one point before we got better;)

[Kitty June]

Thanks Jessica , that was a helpful post.


Wherever you go, then there you are