why do you think so many are willing to chance transition without "passing"

[cindy16]

Interesting question!

I sorta go back and forth about how important passing is to me. I think I will be content if I reach a point where I blend for the most part---close enough that people aren't clocking me in public very often. But I'm not really after stealth, and I don't plan to hide that I'm trans. I'd rather it not come up much, because honestly, it shouldn't matter.

I'm willing to transition without knowing that I'll pass for a few reasons. The cheap one is that I think I will be able to pass reasonably without too much effort, as I don't have an especially masculine body or facial structure. So that lessens my worry. But even if I don't pass, I know that I will feel better as myself. It'd be nice if people saw me as just another girl, but that's not critical to my happiness. I'm already pretty socially inactive (and I was even before the kids caused that), so it's not like staying in on Friday and Saturday nights would be a change.

But I think the main thing is that my goal isn't to pass, it's to be who I am. Cis women don't automatically get to be stunningly beautiful just because they have two X's, the majority probably wish they could change their appearance. It's sad, but society is not cruel only to trans women, it's cruel to women, period.

I agree with Jeni almost word for word. Although transitioning for me is uncertain both in terms of when I'll do it as well as if I'll ever do it (for a lot of other reasons), I think passing is not a very big concern affecting that decision. At my current mental state, I am not facing the 'transition or die' or 'transition or go crazy' options, but I don't know how bad it may get in future.
In any case, I don't think I can just get rid of all traces of my life so far, and I may not even want to, so going 100% stealth if I transition is not an option. So as long as I find a place which does not discriminate against trans folk, that should be good enough for me, whether I pass or not. Although being able to blend in most of the time will obviously help in day-to-day interactions.

[ImagineKate]

Interesting question!

I sorta go back and forth about how important passing is to me. I think I will be content if I reach a point where I blend for the most part---close enough that people aren't clocking me in public very often. But I'm not really after stealth, and I don't plan to hide that I'm trans. I'd rather it not come up much, because honestly, it shouldn't matter.

I'm willing to transition without knowing that I'll pass for a few reasons. The cheap one is that I think I will be able to pass reasonably without too much effort, as I don't have an especially masculine body or facial structure. So that lessens my worry. But even if I don't pass, I know that I will feel better as myself. It'd be nice if people saw me as just another girl, but that's not critical to my happiness. I'm already pretty socially inactive (and I was even before the kids caused that), so it's not like staying in on Friday and Saturday nights would be a change.

But I think the main thing is that my goal isn't to pass, it's to be who I am. Cis women don't automatically get to be stunningly beautiful just because they have two X's, the majority probably wish they could change their appearance. It's sad, but society is not cruel only to trans women, it's cruel to women, period.

I kind of agree with this but I look at it from a different angle.

Passing isn't just visual. Well, a lot of it is, but two things that I read stood out to me:

1. People gender you from the neck up. This means your face, head and facial hair (including eyebrows) and voice are critical to passing. They can even override certain other markers.

2. It's the clothes that make the man, but the voice that makes the woman. This is why I'm emphasizing on my voice. I really want to do Yeson, but I'm practicing with FYFV and may even get a few lessons from a voice coach.

With this in mind it is not hard to pass if you put on a somewhat feminine appearance with little to no facial hair and have a good, feminine voice.  The rest kind of gets glossed over by most people.

But when you said this:

"I think I will be able to pass reasonably without too much effort,"

This is exactly how I feel which is why I'm willing to take a chance on transition without a guarantee of passing.

[Wynternight]

Delusion?  I don't know why anyone would be willing to go through the rest of their life being treated like they are less than human.

Not quite sure what you're getting at here. Are you saying people who transition with passing are delusional? I really hope that's not the point you're trying to make.

[Jen72]

First of I am at the pre hrt and really not 100% accepted of self yet I can see where I could potentially go.
Transition or not and be cantankerous hermit or worse crazy/dead.

What I see from posts in general is the reason most want to transition is not truly to pass on the outside but that the inside the heart and soul outweighs what other may perceive. That being said I do worry in that I am 6 ft not small by any stretch of the imagination and of course I would love to be at least semi passable well totally save the 6 ft bulky type. Why Is the passing so important is not so much I want to be a beauty queen but rather more to do with blending in not being harassed and ridiculed. I can see that will happen during transition somewhere but at least as a kid I did learn to deal with that before being bullied for beats me why reason other then small and didn't fight back.

In short the transition is done for what I think the reason is is this to present yourself as the person you feel you are and hopefully that presentation is passable but the real reason behind it is the internal struggle to show your true self with whatever limitations arise. With that the transition itself is a hurdle that knocks down part of that struggle at least in the physical sense as for the mental well that goes along with the journey.  Another aspect I think plays one of the most important roles is our brains in that I truly feel there is such a thing as male female or blend there of brained to which transgender happen to be stuck with the wrong hormones to brain mix if you will which add the body part in and well ya get the struggle.

The brain heart and soul are always more important then the body. After all we could lose a limb but losing our mind well then there is no point left in the body. I truly hope we all ascend to our given souls appearance. I can see if that was the case some people cis or trans if their true soul showed physically they may not look so pleasant but I think most trans are trying to be honest with themselves and others unlike some that are dishonest $@$@'s in the world. But the priority is the mind over the body.

Since I have not really done much I am just going by what others have read and my perceptions I could be off but think I might be on the right mindset.

Disclaimer I am not judging anyone at all nor their choices just feel the mind heart and soul is priority then the body aspect follows with it.

[Jessica_Rainshadow]

Well you transition for yourself, not to please others. If you don't NEED to do it then i would say you should really do some soul searching.

That said, as I consider hrt and transition I do obsess over the idea of passing. It does of course make life easier. You do not get the stares or the potential discrimination that can be a very real issue depending on your situation or location. In my case, I have young children and the idea of navigating play dates and school functions as a non passing trans woman freaks me out. It would be potentially difficult not only for me but for my children. I guess a lot of it depends on your life stage, your situation and your perspective.

[Tessa James]

I was thinking about the OP's question and  I was instantly reminded of an old Northern Territory ad campaign..

"Because you'll never, ever know, if you never, ever go.."

Kelly that is priceless. I am partial to quips, puns and bumper stickers in a keep it simple stupid (kiss) sort of way.  One of my favs is a similar bumper sticker slogan from the 60's;  "Don't Die Wondering"

I don't believe anyone can know how this feels without living it.  I tried to be informed but was terribly naive about so much of the real life experience.  Being honestly me is as close to a transition goal as I have.

Transition could be a "last chance" at happiness for some?

The other important dictum for me is that transition was no longer really a choice.  My best efforts to deny and repress just cost time that could have been productively transitional.

[BunnyBee]

Because the alternative is less bearable.

[Cindy]

 

Let us be very careful about referring to the choices people make.

I will not allow anyone to invalidate any ones decisions, looks, presentation or feelings.

Before you post, try thinking about how others may feel about your comment!

[Newgirl Dani]

This for me really has to do more with who I 'was' and how that has influenced who I 'am', not so much as the overall me, but that daily unfolding of the new me.  These personal characterics are directly due to how I grew up and evolved as a person.  I was probably 95% outside the influence of society, very geographically isolated in a rural community with almost no neighbors, socially isolated because I was the only native american in my school and suffered the discrimminations of the time period.  At a 'very' young age I had a needle in my arm which isolated me even more, and then a rather quick decent into an 100% isolation, and this continued for the next 33 years.
     What this resulted in was an almost complete insulation from societal mores (+ and -).  I escaped the detrimental things like wanting and needing to be like others and the result of not getting this need filled turning into envy.  My feelings of completeness did not come from any outside source, it was from (this did not happen until my years of sobriety) my own individual personal work.  What this has allowed is a rather quick progression towards 'going full time' even though I know I do not pass in reality.  In a period of six months I've gone from 100% male mode to only one step from 100% female presenting, this last being the wearing of skirts/dress 'everywhere' I go.  This last step will take place very soon.
     So these ingredients has allowed the old to blossom into an asset.   Dani

[Vicky Mitchell]

Passing is in the Eye of the person.  What i have learned some do want to pass some don't seem to worry about it.   But for the most i get the impression that we are willing to roll the dice and take the gamble to transition as the other choice is to live as we are and well we would not be here if we could just do that.   As someone that is Pre everything.  Passing is high up on my level.  I know i will never be 100 passable but I like to go out with out being clocked around every other corner.   For the simple fact i want to enjoy what life i have less without having to explain or defend myself unless i choose to.  I don't think everyone is bound to transition.  Some will not make it that far and some will.  and those that do transition some will pass and some will not..  But no matter what as long as you are doing what makes you happy and it does not hurt anyone else it should not matter.  All that matters is are you more happy now then where you were in the past.   So each to their own.  If you pass great if you don't and you are happy with it Great and if you don't pass and you want to then don't give up.  As long as you keep trying you can get there.  If you give up trying you never will.


Vicky
MtF

[Adam (birkin)]

There was a point where I wondered if I'd never pass and I had to ask myself if I'd continue with HRT and stuff. My answer ended up being "yes" because despite how difficult not passing was, chemically I just felt much better with hormones.

[Jill F]

There was a point where I wondered if I'd never pass and I had to ask myself if I'd continue with HRT and stuff. My answer ended up being "yes" because despite how difficult not passing was, chemically I just felt much better with hormones.

So true.  Two years ago yesterday was my first taste of estrogen.  I was skeptical that it would do any good, and part of me hoped it wouldn't do anything or even make things worse, proving to me once and for all that I wasn't actually transitioning material so I could just get on with my miserable life as a guy.

Not only did estrogen make me feel better, it fixed the underlying problems that made me dependent on all sorts of chemicals.  Within a few months, I was able to get off of everything.   It's like "Wow, this is what normal is like!" or "Wow, so this is what happiness actually is!" 

I knew I'd have to take it for the rest of my life, and that was that.   As a bonus, losing the charade of acting like a guy every day was like Atlas dropkicking the world.  I didn't know if I'd pass well closer to sooner or later, but that didn't matter to me.  I went full time two months later anyway.

[stephaniec]

So true.  Two years ago yesterday was my first taste of estrogen.  I was skeptical that it would do any good, and part of me hoped it wouldn't do anything or even make things worse, proving to me once and for all that I wasn't actually transitioning material so I could just get on with my miserable life as a guy.

Not only did estrogen make me feel better, it fixed the underlying problems that made me dependent on all sorts of chemicals.  Within a few months, I was able to get off of everything.   It's like "Wow, this is what normal is like!" or "Wow, so this is what happiness actually is!" 

I knew I'd have to take it for the rest of my life, and that was that.   As a bonus, losing the charade of acting like a guy every day was like Atlas dropkicking the world.  I didn't know if I'd pass well closer to sooner or later, but that didn't matter to me.  I went full time two months later anyway.

ditto

[stephaniec]

sometimes I wonder if I'm going to be busted by the cops because the estrogen feels so good.

[Jennygirl]

The main reason to transition is to be accepted and live in society as your true gender identity.

The cherry on top is passing / blending as cis.

Either way, you still get to enjoy a tasty dessert.

[stephaniec]

Blueberry cheesecake , cherries and whip and goes to the right places

[Wynternight]

I wish I could experience some of the estrogen goodness, euphoria, whatever it is but whilst's it may have leveled my mood some it hasn't really improved it. I still feel hollow, angry, and depressed most of the time.

[Jill F]

I wish I could experience some of the estrogen goodness, euphoria, whatever it is but whilst's it may have leveled my mood some it hasn't really improved it. I still feel hollow, angry, and depressed most of the time.

The sturm und drang went away completely after my orchi.  Are your T levels elevated?

Hugs,
Jill

[TamarasWay]

I wish I could experience some of the estrogen goodness, euphoria, whatever it is but whilst's it may have leveled my mood some it hasn't really improved it. I still feel hollow, angry, and depressed most of the time.

That is really terrible.  I am so sorry that HRT did not improve your mood.  Perhaps there are other issues involved besides GD.

[Wynternight]

The sturm und drang went away completely after my orchi.  Are your T levels elevated?

Hugs,
Jill

22 at last check. The sturm und drang has never gone away.