This thread is pretty representative of my vacillating opinion on mirrors, which can be a trigger for me. For the cis-person, I think they associate more with their reflection and think of the inability to look at that reflection as representative of shame. But I didn't usually look in a mirror and see myself as I was growing up. I barely associated with my reflection at all, it was more like I was looking at another person who was similar to me. Time and maturity forced me to realize that my reflection and pictures were how the world saw me, which caused me quite a bit more duress.
Darkblade, I totally understand looking at the topic as a possible way you might not be trans enough. But there isn't a litmus test for levels of transness. And I don't believe all transpeople have to be a certain way. We are all different, and it's ok. It's normal to continue to have questions and doubts, just try not to lose yourself in them.
Quote from: LatrellHK on January 25, 2015, 09:09:25 AM
I don't know. I just don't stare at mirrors for longer than I have to. Usually the longest you'll see me staring at a mirror is if I'm cutting my hair. Otherwise I stare intensely trying to see the guy I feel everyday and instead I see the girl I'm trying to repress. I call her Katy and she's currently in a box in the farthest recesses of my brain trying not to die.
Facial Agnosia - The inability to recognize someone from their face, even if they know the person well. My college astronomy professor had facial agnosia, and couldn't recognize people until they began speaking to her. It wasn't until I had my first class with her that I realized the relationship people usually had with faces would extend to their reflections; she explained that we may see her outside of class and she wouldn't be able to tell who we were until after talking with us. She said it wasn't personal, and wryly added that she also had difficulty with her own reflection. I totally identified with that, but everyone around me was baffled.
It was jarring, but I had no clue why my classmates didn't understand. So I spent time away from my then-girlfriend and outside of school and I researched facial agnosia, eventually coming to transgender issues because of mirrors. It was the first time I had words for the way I felt: Gender Identity Disorder. It still took me time to tell the wrong person, the girlfriend, and another 8 years to open up a second time.
At 31, I'm 2 years into my transition and I've finally begun to like my reflection somewhat. But if it wasn't for FFS, I probably wouldn't have.
LatrellHK, try not to think of it as a part of yourself you are rejecting. Whole people possess feminine and masculine aspects. The goal is to adapt your body to your chosen gender. It's still your body, and there are always going to be aspects from your past that are part of you as a person. Being trans is learning to be humble, and accept that you and the world are imperfect. I'd rather be who I am today, than one of the self-absorbed ignorant masses.
