Hi there! MtF here. I'm 17 years old. I've been around here once before, but nice to meet you again. I don't have access to any hormones or hormone blockers yet so I just stick with soy milk, but more importantly, I make efforts to find and try things that make me feel better about how I and others perceive myself. I'm not really "out", but I've grown out my hair long and wear clothes that are unmistakably feminine (but not "women's only"; think tight pants and long cardigans, not skirts or dresses) in public and to school. The first day I did that there was some snickering and I heard the word "homo" (Dutch equivalent of "->-bleeped-<-got") whispered around me more than usual, but nobody ever confronted or asked me about it and nobody seemed to even react to it in any way anymore after that first day, probably because I became more confident after the experience and started radiating that confidence. Since I don't have any real friends at school despite getting along well with everyone, I don't really know what they think of me, but I figure they just think I'm gay or just generally eccentric, but they don't seem to have an issue with that, and I don't really mind if they think that anyway. It's never happened, but I figure if a transphobic or homophobic person had an issue with the way I dress, I could just pretend to be a straight cis guy with a broken fashion sense.
For me, my pure vocal range might be the strongest trigger of dysphoria there is. It's not even so much sounding feminine that I care about, than it's the pitch itself. It's not always the case, but sometimes when I hear a cis girl effortlessly say things in an overly high pitched voice, even if it doesn't sound good and they just sound like a 7-year old because of it, I feel very inferior and very limited when I try to produce even any sound with that pitch myself but nothing comes out. A few days ago, I saw someone in a voice passing thread on a different site post an audio clip doing such a ridiculously high voice like I mentioned, and then implying she had been castrated at a young age, mocking others in the thread for not having a "girl throat" and saying many very cruel and nasty things. This instantly made me feel very depressed, but fortunately I had an online friend to provide emotional support at the time.
I'm "naturally" a baritone when it comes to singing, using my chest voice and my head voice (which goes up to around A4 (440 Hz)). It wasn't the horrible person from that thread I mentioned who motivated me, but the past few months I've been trying to gain more control over my voice, by practicing singing songs usually sung by female singers at the original pitch, instead of an octave lower like I would normally do. At first I simply couldn't reach the right pitches and I would get hoarse after a while, but eventually I started getting the hang of using the falsetto register, and now I can actually produce a surprisingly strong and loud sound with it (although it still sounds a bit unnatural like falsetto often does, but I since I got the hang of actually reaching the intended pitches I'm working on improving the quality) and with a bit of effort and some warming up I can typically sing most of those songs now.
After having my online friend calm me down after the incident a few days ago, I decided to try experiment with my voice in the hopes that I would be able to surpass my limits. My falsetto just seemed to refuse to go any higher and instead becomes louder at D#5 (622 Hz). Since trying to progress higher using my falsetto didn't work, I decided to just try to "skip" the falsetto and go past that in one go. I'm not sure how I figured it out, but I noticed that if I used certain muscles that would make my throat feel slightly constricted, and then gently blew air out, it seemed to occasionally make a sound even higher than I could reach with falsetto. I did some research and figured out that it is most likely something that is sometimes referred to as the "whistle register".
At the moment I need to try a few tries to actually make a sound, I can't control the pitch well (it's typically between G5 (784 Hz) and A5 (880 Hz) though), can only make an "aaaa" sound, and can only keep it up for a few seconds, but I think with practice I may be able to gain more control over it and perhaps even reach the C6 that I long for (since it's said to be the highest note the typical female (soprano) can reach), which is three semitones above A5. Maybe I'll also sound less like a teapot or steam locomotive when I get the hang of it; but I believe that as always, reaching the pitch should be my priority, and then I should work on the quality.
However, when I told my mom about it, she says I shouldn't use it because she thinks it might damage my voice. If that's indeed the case, then it might truly be better not to practice it because it could end up decreasing my range or voice quality in other registers. But that said, I don't believe her. But I don't know for sure whether or not it's safe. So I was wondering if any of you has an idea about or experience with whether it's safe to use the whistle register?
P.S. if you're interested in how it sounds, I recorded a successful attempt here:
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0SknCM95ReBThe note in the recording is approximately a G5. Please be warned that it sounds unnatural.
