If you had asked me prior to my "melt down" if I was (or could be) trans, I'd have denied it.
No, I'm a guy. A normal, standard-issue "manly man", hetero, likes working on cars, etc. And the whole time I would be saying this, I'd be thinking, "
What a load of cr*p! I sure hope he believes me! I don't know what it is, but I just KNOW that I'm not in the right place, doing the right thing...although I do know that most men DO these things..."8 months later, I began to tentatively ask questions about possibly being MtF...and a friend of mine gave me a pair of breast forms, with the instructions to temporarily use one of the wife's bras; she said, "if you are trans, they'll be the neatest thing you've ever done. If you're not, it'll freak you out."
I loved it, just like you enjoy cross-dressing:
QuoteI enjoy putting on dresses, wearing make-up, and looking pretty. Some enjoy putting on suits, feeling muscular, or playing sports. That's what I couldn't understand. It just never made sense because it was just something I felt was a necessary part of being a man. It's all stuff that I really took for granted and never saw a reason why. Now you folks have shown me it's something that isn't necessarily that's for me, but for others it's the world.
Doing "manly things" for the sake of keeping up a manly appearance is interesting. That's why I would go camping, working on cars, etc...to keep up the act of being a "guy".
QuoteI have thought a good deal on the cross-dressing thing. Sure if this all turns out to be not what I had hoped for, I'd love to become a cross-dresser. The only problem with dressing in a woman's clothing is that I sometimes feel like a fake. Wearing a bra that doesn't fit well gives me an unrealistic image of myself. I try than to imagine what I'd look like with a good bra that fits me and shows off what I have, rather than the opposite.
Feeling like a fake is actually quite common, especially in early transitioners. It's because there are still many areas in your mind that are still focused on trying to be a dude still, and these areas (for lack of a better word) will take time to align with the urge to transition.
No one is "fake", as long as you are presenting yourself as you truly are.
