Making a relationship work

[androgynouspainter26]

Hey-so, first of all internet people, thanks for all the awesome support as of late.  I guess the new positive element in my life is that I now have a girlfriend.  She's very sweet, and lovely...but, she does want a physical relationship, perhaps more physical than I am able to offer her.  Sex is imposable.  Kissing is really difficult for me, because I can't do it without becoming aroused, and that ruins everything.  I really want to make her happy, but I just don't know what to do when I'm so uncomfortable with my body.  Thoughts?  What's worked for y'all?

[Jo-is-amazing]

You could try maybe staying tucked...and using a vibrator?!!
Like that way you could be very intimate with each other, your arousal will be under control, she could please you with the vibrator through your panties and you could return the favour how you normally would.

I don't know if that would work, Im unsure whether it would make me ok or not, but in my mind its probably the best bet
Again I've no real experience so take my advice with a grain of salt ^_^

best of luck

[androgynouspainter26]

Eh.  I mean, not to get graphic, but the second my clit gets hard, the night is pretty much ruined.  I'd prefer a way to temporary shut down my autonomic neurosystem?

[Jo-is-amazing]

Again TMI
but if you tuck pretty tight you won't get hard

On a side note,
Someone should invent reverse viagra!!!!!!

[androgynouspainter26]

See, in theory that SHOULD be the case, but sadly it doesn't work for me. 

And they tried; it's called Spiro.  Shame it's doing literally nothing.

[Mallory]

I personally don't think its TMI. A great majority of us here are adults and as such should be free to openly express ourselves; you're here to express your identity, sexual orientation and finding support for all things associated with that come with it.

Anywho. Communicate with your girlfriend and ask her how it feels when she's aroused; the clitoris, much like a penis, becomes enlarged and hard during aroused periods. Although a man might feel more discomfort due to size, I'm sure the two are comparable.

Its all about understanding and you two finding ways to conquer and to own each others issues. If you cannot effectively communicate then its all for not. As another person said, keeping your clothing on and it being comfortable for you while aroused would probably help a great deal. Stay away from tight fitting and restrictive clothes.

If you're a giving partner then concentrate more on her pleasure and how she feels. Don't be afraid to fall into a more feminine role while with her. There's never a need to rush if you're uncomfortable. Hope what ive said helps. Feel free to IM me if you feel the need to communicate; I'm an open book.

[mac1]

Have you considered laying back and letting her take an active roll while using that thing for her pleasure? It might also be benificial for for you.

[Sabrina]

I've had relationships in the past (before taking hormones) with ladies and everything seems alright at first. My sexual interest in them would decrease. I would use the excuse that I was "too tired". But given enough time, our relationship would become strained and we would break up. I was a perfect boyfriend, other than the lack of sex part. Before I get into another relationship again, I'm going to have to figure out what I actually want first.

That maybe what you need to do first. However, if you find or have already found someone who loves you and likes being with you, hold on tight and do whatever is necessary to keep the spark alive. I also recommend a book called, "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. He talks about 5 languages of love that everyone has. Everyone speaks all 5 but each person has a primary one that they respond to better than the others. Find out what her primary love language is and she'll be very happy and you'll be golden.

[Hikari]

what works for me is simply imagining that my anatomy down there isn't male...like I really have to convince myself but once I do I find sex to be enjoyable, I didn't have to try so hard to calm the dissonance in my bodies signals before HRT, I guess it just means I really need SRS. I find it a lot easier than trying to fight arousal itself but ymmv.

That being said not every relationship necessarily needs to be sexual in nature but I know that I would have a girlfriend unless we were going to have a sexual relationship and I would assume lots of other people feel much the same.

[JoanneB]

I was never turned off much by the dangly bits. In fact we've had some great times together However, the only way I could orgasm was to get deeply into my fantasy of being the woman. All the better with the woman on top.

On a side note,
Someone should invent reverse viagra!!!!!!

They did, a few thousand years ago... Alcohol, in massive quantities. It has also been used as a temporary relief from severe GD. But I don't recommend that.

[Ara]

Ummm I was wondering whether it was entirely necessary for you to be undressed or anything during sex.  It might help!  You could use toys, or just your hand/mouth/etc.  If you're not interested in your own pleasure, then you can just focus on what she needs.  I would suggest wearing panties, tight jeans, a skirt, whatever to make that part of yourself feel flat. 

If not even that level of separation helps, then you're in quite a situation, and it might not be resolvable in the near future.

[androgynouspainter26]

If it were up to me, I just wouldn't make any physical contact until I find a way to pay for surgery.  Right now, sex is absolutely off the table, and that's a problem because I know she wants that.  We tried some stuff a week ago...I almost off'd myself that night.  So, right now, I'm trying to figure out how to do this...the only kind of sexual acts I can do are ones that give me no pleasure, but of course I don't really want to do that, and even a kiss can get things going. 

Hikari, I tried what you suggested tonight, pretending that things were different; it made things better, but I still felt really weird about things.  I really hope my dysphoria doesn't cost me this relationship-she's really amazing

[mac1]

If it were up to me, I just wouldn't make any physical contact until I find a way to pay for surgery.  Right now, sex is absolutely off the table, and that's a problem because I know she wants that.  We tried some stuff a week ago...I almost off'd myself that night.  So, right now, I'm trying to figure out how to do this...the only kind of sexual acts I can do are ones that give me no pleasure, but of course I don't really want to do that, and even a kiss can get things going. 

Hikari, I tried what you suggested tonight, pretending that things were different; it made things better, but I still felt really weird about things.  I really hope my dysphoria doesn't cost me this relationship-she's really amazing

Nude body contact might be a good starting point for both of you.