How did you all come out?

[greg-unknown]

I was wondering how all of you guys came out to your friends and family and such? Any advice?

[Dennis]

I told them I'd been diagnosed with gender identity disorder and would be transitioning to male. The first few were pretty terrifying, but then I got used to it after that. For my clients, I wrote them a letter explaining the name and pronoun change.

I found that a more scientific approach, emphasizing the diagnosis part was the best.

Dennis

[Nero]

I just unceremoniously blurted it out in a time of distress to my mother, who in turn blurted it out to my stepdad. Both are cool with it.

[tinkerbell]

Well, after many years of drama, my family had a pretty good idea of the situation they were dealing with.  It was after my third suicide attempt that I decided to be honest and tell them what was actually going on with me. 

The first person I told was my youngest sister, and she supported me from the very start.  I, then, told my parents during dinner one night.  My dad was like "OK, so?".  He's a sweetheart.  My mom, on the other hand, had a difficult time understanding "things" at first, and it took her several sessions with my gender therapist to finally assimilate what I had been going through since ever.

Eventually I told the rest of my family; everyone was very supportive and concerned about my well-being.  I feel very lucky to have such an
open-minded, caring, and loving family.  It does make a difference, and I honestly think that I couldn't have succeded if they hadn't accepted me.

All my so called friends distanced from me when I told them I was TS.  After a few months on HRT, the physcial changes were pretty obvious so they stopped calling and I never heard from them again.  With the exception of two people, my new circle of friends (which isn't that big, probably five or six people) don't know I wasn't born female.  If they ever ask, I will tell them, but so far that hasn't happened.


tink

[Kate]

I was wondering how all of you guys came out to your friends and family and such? Any advice?

With me, it depends on who, why and when.

In the beginning, such as with my job, I had a formal meeting with each Officer and presented a "package" explaining what I was doing and why, complete with a letter from my therapist and a copy of the book "True Selves."

But as time went on, I got over feeling the need to "explain" the whole thing, and just mention it casually if appropriate. For example, I bumped onto yet another neighbor today who hasn't really seen me since I transitioned. I went over to him and just said, "Hi Bill! How are you? Listen, I've been meaning to tell you... I'm doin' the whole sex change thing, and I'm going by the name Kate now."

He just said, "Oh! Yea, I knew that was your car pulling in, but didn't know who it was driving it, lol. Now I get it. Can you believe they charged me $75 to clean out my ducts today?" And that's all that was said about it.

I swear, that's as complicated as it gets usually.

I understand some things are critical and worthy of planning, such as with an employer and family. But overall, I've found that giving people a ton of information right away often creates a tone of justification, like you're trying to make sure they APPROVE rather than simply UNDERSTAND. IMHO, in most situations, it seems to work best if you just INFORM them of what you're doing, and let them come to you with questions if they want to. At least that's worked for me, although I understand everyone's circumstances are different.

~Kate~

[mallard500]

That's one of those things that will depend greatly on the person you're talking to; and there may be some more distantly removed family members for example that you may choose to not ever formally come out to... it just depends.

For close family members though, I really urge you to discuss it them as soon as is realistic, rather then living in the closet.  If you fear a really bad reaction from someone, you might want to have a trusted third party with you, preferably that the other person knows and respects as well.

Be honest with them; assure them (for family) that they didn't "do anything" wrong to 'make you this way'; and let them know that you want to honestly share this part of your life because you love them and it's important to you that your relation isn't based on dishonesty.

If someone rejects you, at least initially, don't let it dissaude you or destroy you - it'll hurt, but you'll get through it.  If possible, leave the door open to them to back and let them know that, but don't let it stop you.

Good luck man!

Scott

[Pica Pica]

I told my parents during dinner, and I shook throughout. Then I walked the dog and got my strength back.

Harder was telling them that I was not a woman, and had misinterpreted a few feelings I had. I hate admitting I'm wrong to my parents.

[Christo]

told my mom when I was 12 or 13.  started wearin dude clothes after that.  my brothers (dont have sisters) always knew.  my family to.  no need to tell nobody.  everybody knew & they were cool w/it.  my buddies know.  they dont care. they see me as a dude 'cause I'm a dude.  I get more sh#t from the trans dudes
(u gotta say this or that)  non trans dudes dont give a  %^&*@

[Pica Pica]

well, you make a better dude than i have ever.

[letmebe_me]

i just came out about 15mins ago to my counsellor. 1st time ive told anyone. im not ready for family etc to know yet though. i wrote down some things as i felt awkward about saying it to begin with. she read it, we went for a walk and she was very nice. i was so nervous! so then i just told her and we had a chat.

[Blanche]

My parents are no longer living, thus I didn't have to put them through that ordeal.  The rest of my family reacted fairly well.  I'm not very attached to my family so I can't tell you what they think of me now that I look completely female.  I presume they're still accepting of me but if they aren't.  That's a terrible pity.

[Jay]

My partner always knew since I met her... My best mate I told him when I was about 14 and my two closet mates know as I just blurted it out and they where cool with it! w00p w00p!

[cindianna_jones]

I was discovered.  I didn't really tell anyone... they found out.  And then all hell broke loose.

Cindi

[Adam]

i only told my mum and dad and i let them tell everyone else lol they already new because i had been saying i was a boy since i was about 3 lol

freinds wise i just told them my new name and that i am male and let them ask any questions they wanted they seemed cool with that   

[J.T.]

My advice is just be yourself... i sat my family down when i told them, did it in small groups.  My friends i called on the phone or got together for lunch.  I didn't make a big deal out of it with my friends, just kind of said it matter of factly.  Said that nothing changes, only i will be happier living as my true self.

"work" was a little different, i said i was changing my name and they asked why so i told them. 

[Manyfaces]

My children (both in their twenties) I simply told--separately.  I think I was on a walk with my daughter, and I told my son over breakfast.  One friend I told during some intense email exchanges in which we were both revealing some important things about ourselves.  I told my sister during a phone conversation.  My parents have been dead for several years, so I too don't have to deal with that one.

As for work, I wrote a letter that I gave to my supervisors and all the people I regularly work with.

I do have a cousin I'm close to (she lives in another state, and our contact is mostly by phone) that I haven't told, and I think I'm going to write her a letter.  I think she is going to have a harder time with it than anyone else in my life has, and I've been putting it off a bit. 

[greg-unknown]

I was discovered.  I didn't really tell anyone... they found out.  And then all hell broke loose.

Cindi

this is what im afraid of, all hell breaking loose...

[Fer]

I disclosed it all to my folks when I was 16.  It carried on from there.

[Ron]

I was discovered.  I didn't really tell anyone... they found out.  And then all hell broke loose.

Cindi

this is what im afraid of, all hell breaking loose...

Me too, considering the times I have tried to tell mum she has told I'm too young to make such a 'life changing' decision and I need to wait until I'm older. I HAVE to tell them in the next six days, which will be REALLY fun. I'll let you know what I do/how it goes man.

EDIT -- I did it last night. Prefaced it with having to quit uni for this semester cause I'm going to fail (again) and I can't afford more Ns on my academic record. I then told them I had been going to the gender clinic and seen an endo etc etc. Their main concern is still that I'm too young (19), but they understand I need to do this to better myself psychologically. Mum has been waiting for this to happen since I was little. I just told them while we were all standing in their bedroom watching dad unpack from his trip. I decided maybe that was better than formally 'sitting them down'. They're requested I wait to change my name etc until my brother finishes school in November (so the shock of it all doesn't disrupt his studies) which I agreed would be reasonable. The main thing is, I have their support at last.

[greg-unknown]

...i told my mom. she says she was waiting for it to happen. and she isnt upset about it.