Dysphoria Question

[adumava]

I've read some about dysphoria, including experiences of many of the trans identified people in this community. Most often it seems that dysphoria occurs when dressed and presenting as the assigned gender. Is it at all common (at the beginning of transitioning or in the questioning stage) that dysphoria occurs when dressed and presenting as the opposite gender?

I find that when I "crossdress"/wear makeup/paint my nails there are definitely times when I enjoy it and think I look really cute but there are many of other times when I see my more masculine traits shine through. Like my wide shoulders, big hands, lack of hips, etc. It seems like these times are my major dysphoric times.

Just wanted to ask if that was common or if it is something different.

[ssneha23]

No its pretty common. This used to happen to me quiet often. The way I see it is that i had mental image of what I should look as a girl. The image would include a small shoulders, a thin body frame, long hair, a feminine face etc. When I would cross dress I expected to look exactly like the mental image. But obviously that would not happen causing my disphoria to sky rocket. This has come down for me overtime with hormones etc... But the short answer to your question. I used to become more depressed when I cross dressed pre transition... Hope this helps...

[Ptero]

It's not strange that you feel dysphoric when you "crossdress" (isn't it to wear stuffs of the gender you don't identify with that would represent the real crossdressing, btw ?) because you see what doesn't fit with that presentation even more.

But it's like for everything else, you can learn to see the positive more than the negative (oww, wait a minute... this was my mother talking, that doesn't work on my dysphoria.... so, I suppose it gets better with your progress into transition)

[jody2015]

hi
yes ive had the same feelings. the oh my god ill never do this i dont look right. its trying to do too much too soon. the best advice i had on here was take time,time is your best friend. as you start to transition you do adjust to your feelings. i think so many think that if they dress and do makeup overnight they are transformed and it just doesnt happen that way. its better to slide into your real self without pushing it and then the stress is kept lower.

[cindy16]

I have had a similar experience.
When I was not yet questioning my gender identity but simply 'cross-dressing', I was able to feel happy about even the slightest hints of femininity in my appearance. Not 'turned on' or anything, just happy. But soon, it wasn't enough, and I was looking for answers why I thought it wasn't enough.
Now that I have mostly accepted my identity as female, I feel depressed seeing my mostly male appearance in the mirror, even while wearing female clothes (I don't think of it as cross-dressing any more).

[adumava]

Thank you for the replies and shared stories everyone. I'm glad that I'm not the only one who has felt this way.

[Carrie Liz]

The first time I tried makeup and tried wearing feminine clothes, I cried. And not in a good way.

I cried because when I looked at myself, I just looked like a man dressing up like a woman. I didn't want to be a man dressing up like a woman, I just wanted to be a woman. (And this was over 6 months into HRT.)

And yeah... my dysphoria didn't really ease until I started reaching the point where I was beginning to be gendered female and seeing a girl in the mirror no matter what I was wearing or whether I had any makeup on or not. That was my goal all along. I HATED myself, and felt like a fake, back during the time where I still needed a wig, a padded bra, makeup, and feminine clothes in order to look even remotely feminine. (And even with all of those things on, I still didn't look like a woman to myself, so it REALLY hurt.)