An odd experience on Facebook yesterday, thoughts?

[accidentallyhipster]

Hi,
I haven't posted much here - so hello again. I think that I made may account towards the end of last year, but then due to some family events (My Grandmother passed about a month ago - and was sick for awhile first) my transition has been on pause for a bit.

Anyway I had a really strange thing happen on Facebook yesterday. I was in the waiting room in the ER (my Fiancée's Grandmother fell - It's not been a good year for Grandmothers for us...) and I got into maybe a fight - not totally sure - with some people on a page on Facebook. Backing up for a second, yes I'm trans, yes I identify as a female, but I still have really (stereotypical) male hobbies. I wanted to add this, because this exchange was on a car group page.

So someone asks a question and it's one that I've answered before, so I type what I know. People are complaining about the laws, but everyone is pretty civil to each other. We end up leaving to go feed her Grandmother's cat and then come back, so I left the page for about an hour. When I get back people are yelling and screaming and being just generally awful to each other (I think I ended up reporting about 10 posts for hate speech...). I made a comment about "what happened?!" Why are you all being awful... yada yada; anyways here's why I'm sharing this here...

This is what I said in response to one of the comments I found particularly offensive (also I'm "JT" - I'm not out on Facebook, but I have no gender listed):


This was his response:



I had a VERY strange feeling of being excited because I was gendered correctly, in a place I'm not out and didn't think I was passing at all, and raging because just because I'm "a chick" doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about.

I missed the chance to get a screen cap, but I responded with "Thank You." Which I am sure confused him, and you can see that I liked his post calling me chick. Further down he adds this:



...and this is why I don't work with cars anymore, I really can't stand most of the people...

So sorry about the rant, but I wanted to share. The whole getting correctly gendered as an attempt to insult thing really has my emotions confused. Anyone else ever deal with anything like this?

I hope as you're reading this you're having a good day! <3
-Erin

[ImagineKate]

Erin, sorry that made me laugh. He called you a chick, lol that's pretty affirming. Personally I'd laugh it off then go WTF?

Honestly I've seen a lot of d-bags in the car hobby, it's the 'MURICA!!!! types who cling to their crappy American cars because it's not an "import." Even if it's made in Mexico or Canada . My opinion is that European and Asian cars handle and steer better and are more refined but American cars MAY be better on the drag strip... But really nowhere else.

I dunno what to say other than d-baggery seems to go with the territory. Lol.

[Contravene]

I've had that happen before but in the opposite way. I don't always try to pass as male in public but I still dress masculinely so people (usually guys trying to hit on me who get miffed when I don't respond) have tried to insult me by calling me "sir" or saying I look like a guy. It confuses the hell out of them when they see that they actually put a huge grin on my face, haha.

I also love working on my car, it's one of my favorite hobbies but I don't get involved in the whole car enthusiast community because it seems like the majority of people in those communities are 16 year old trolls who really have no idea what they're talking about anyway. I get sick of the childish domestic vs. import arguments and all the "'Murcia sucks" and "girls can't drive" jokes. My sister is so feminine and girly but she loves cars and is a huge gearhead too so don't let the childish guys discourage you from your hobby.

[accidentallyhipster]

Sorry about the slow reply, we ended up going back to the hospital and staying with her Grandmother for the weekend, and I didn't have my computer (or a change of clothes or anything really... :/ ).

@ImagineKate It was totally gender affirming, but as a feminist I was pretty irked that he said that. So excited, and really angry all at once. There are a ton of awful people in that community - not everyone of course - but enough that I quit working in it as I couldn't stand the level of hatred that was just so accepted.

@Contravene That's fantastic! Go you! *sigh* I would love an LGBTQ+ friendly car club, but I'm not holding my breath for that one. It sounds like that's something that you share with your sister? That's pretty cool that you have that.

People like this don't make cars any less interesting for me, It just makes me want to avoid the community parts of it, and like anything when done right that can be one of the most fulfilling things.

[Kalynn_Michelle]

ahhh the good old import vs muscle dudes....this is why i stay a bit distanced from car communities as well. we can start our own car club here maybe xD

I do have plans to upset all of them one day though. I have an old mustang i built a 2.3 turbo engine for (as if that didnt upset them enough) and money pending, i one day plan to put a subaru symetrical awd system powered by a mazda 2 rotor and a big ol turbo

idk i just love annoying the muscle car guys for some reason. i never laughed so hard in my life as when i beat a corvette at the drag strip with my subaru wrx wagon, complete with a sticker on the back that said "you just got beat by a wagon" hehehehhe

[accidentallyhipster]

@Kalynn_Michelle That sounds amazing! haha another Subie lover, I'm happy. I really do hate all the Domestic vs Import fighting. It's all the same hobby.. But I'm a transgirl with a Ford, Toyota and I used to have a VW so I'm just all over the place.

Also postscript to this story (Kalynn_Michelle you'll like this) I posted about this (trans* issues removed as I'm not out on Facebook) on Subaru page I am on and they were so kind and so upset about this. It really makes me feel like I'd just rather share with them all my car stuff - Subaru or not.

I am really scared though to come out to my "car friends." As it's an important hobby to me I don't want to lose the people that I share it with in real life, but I'm also very sick of being in the closet around them. But it's experiences like this that make me veryyyyy nervous.

[Ms Grace]

Well it is Facebook after all...

[Kalynn_Michelle]

Erin (i'm guessing thats your name cause its in your signature??) you'd be surprised at how accepting people can be, especially when you have something to bond over like that. that said do it when you're comfortable. anyone that reacts bad just isn't worth the time anyways. and yeah subaru people seem to stick by one another. ever since i got my car damn near every other turbo subie driver is waving to me on the road. 

[Christa Michelle]

I am really scared though to come out to my "car friends." As it's an important hobby to me I don't want to lose the people that I share it with in real life, but I'm also very sick of being in the closet around them. But it's experiences like this that make me veryyyyy nervous.

I can sympathise with that quite a bit, actually. Don't know if I told you this, but audio production (my field of study, as like Erin I'm a full time student and go to the same school as she does) is a very male-dominated field. The big engineers are all male, almost all the people in my classes have been guys, save for the 1 or 2 girls that are there. I've made friends in that group and I'd hate to lose them because they can't accept me for who I am. It'll be a long time before I actually will need to be out to them, but it's still something I think about.

[Julia-Madrid]

Hi Erin

If you love something, you must stick with it and try to redefine yourself inside that world.  Sometimes it may just be too crass and crude for you as your world becomes more feminine, but hey, there are (approximately) two genders, and there's boy stuff and girl stuff and it takes quite some strength of character to be in the "wrong" one and change perceptions.  Just look at how long it took for women sports reporters to be taken seriously on the BBC.  But it has happened, finally, so there's hope.

All the same, you may find two phenomena occuring in parallel as you move towards whatever state of womanhood you are aiming for.  The first is that your interests may gradually shift towards more feminine pursuits.   This is not because your brain is changing, but rather that you've now got "permission" to deal with those things.   And the second may may be that people in your professional and social life start to treat you more and more as a woman and progressively include you in conversations more "appropriate" to your gender or exclude you from others.  It's natural enough.  My work colleagues are wonderful, but when I'm the only girl amongst the guys, it's not so easy to talk "guy stuff" with them any longer. 

And yet, when I read a report this morning on the prototype MX5 Mazda are working on, I wanted one, right then, with the biggest engine they offer!

Hugs
Julia

[accidentallyhipster]

@Ms Grace Yeah, I know. I shouldn't raise my standards too high xD

@Kalynn_Michelle, Yep it's Erin. ...and I hope you're right. I keep posting things on Facebook that are in general, not really about me. With the idea that people will think I am an ally, and let me know if they are supportive or have a problem with it before I come out to them - call me paranoid but I'm just trying to be safe. I bring it up as I have had some of my friends that I've been worried about 'like' those statuses, but they never comment, so I'm still a little worried.

@Christa Michelle, I'm glad you made a profile, I hope you find this place as useful as I have.

@Julia-Madrid, I hope so! Both would be lovely! Maybe I'm just over thinking things, but lately I feel as though I am encroaching on a centre point where I don't fit into the 'boy' or 'girl' categories, and thus it's hard to be accepted by 'either' group. I say this as wither I am with male or female friends, I feel really awkward. Like they know I'm not "one of the guys" or not enough of a "real woman." I'm sure it's all in my head, but it's just something I've noticed lately. ....On a happier note, the answer is always Miata xD

In other news I started my new job today (Starbucks) and while I am not out there, I told them that I go by 'Erin' so that's a start I guess