Getting sir'ed an AWFUL lot lately

[ImagineKate]

So lately for some reason I'm getting "sir" and "him" (in the 3rd person) a lot lately. Not just when I'm in guy mode (which is pretty much only work lately) but today I went out in girl mode (at least I think I did). I'm not sure but I think even my therapist accidentally misgendered me which is when you know it's bad.

I mean I don't expect to fully pass since I'm only 2 months on full HRT and I don't wear makeup. But damn it really makes me feel like jumping off a bridge sometimes. I used to get ma'am and miss a lot. Not these days.

One of my old girlfriends who I came out to told me that yes I look "man-ish."

So just what is it?

I have a few theories.

One - my voice. Fixing that with some training and I'm going to Yeson in a few months.

Two - my stupid beard shadow. I did laser last week and the hair on my face is dark, even with shaving. I wonder just when it will fall out?

Three - glasses. Oh god they are awful. I need to scrape up some cash to get new ones.

Even pictriev is 100% male now! Uggghh! I used to get anywhere from 40% to 98% female.

Strange thing is in passing nobody gives me weird looks or prevents me from using the women's bathrooms. But people I interact with results in a train wreck of misgendering. And I really don't correct them either which is bad.


Anyway this is how I looked today:




Yeah I look like a f'ing dude and I hate it. 

[ImagineKate]

And with the glasses

[Devlyn]

I see the problem right now, you've got winterface! It's the complete lack of anything resembling a smile! Show us one with those pearly whites! 

Hugs, Devlyn

[April_TO]

I feel your pain babe, I really do.

Just keep that chin high and lightly beat that face with some powder, mascara and lipstick or lip balm and you should look alright.
Also, use some styling products on your hair to keep that gorgeous mane in place.

Chin up, you are a woman.

April

[ImagineKate]

Yeah April I know right?

I really want to do my makeup but I didn't get to go to sephora or Mac and get it done. It's a catch 22 with me. I'm not out at work and the kids school so I can't go during the week and on the weekends I never leave the house and go to the mall because I have 10 billion things to do. And if I do, my wife will get passive aggressive about how I'm taking time to do stuff for myself and she doesn't get any time for her own stuff.

Every DIY makeup I've done has been a disaster. My wife said she'd show me but that was when she was talking about alternatives to me transitioning. So I kinda don't approach her about this stuff because we will just argue.

I don't even have the slightest clue where to start even. I watch YouTube videos but could never do it how these girls do. I've watched for every complexion and face, cis, trans, and I just can't do it.

I mean yeah I'm a woman but today I don't feel like it. I feel like I just want to curl up and die.

[ImagineKate]

I see the problem right now, you've got winterface! It's the complete lack of anything resembling a smile! Show us one with those pearly whites! 

Hugs, Devlyn

Lol! It actually looks worse but thanks though.

[Jade_404]

Honest opinion, the beard shadow is probably the issue. I don't trust pictriev, its very gimmicky ... try rekog, it has much better algorithms and is used by serious people, like airport security, casino security, retail advertisers, NSA uses it too I heard... https://rekognition.com/index.php/demo/face.

pictriev says I look like a cross between Ozzy Osbourne and Emma Watson... so um yeah  Also, try the same picture different times and get different results... pictriev gets a total F- in terms of programming and accuracy.

Rekog rated you female in both these pictures, but it also shows a small percent in the beard/mustache fields.

Once that hair is gone for good you should have no issues.

And like Devlyn said, smile some there winter face!  lol you got to glow. I have seen some older photos of you and you glowed more in them 

-Jade

[Joanne Feliz]

I think when you have your beard removed you will not run into so many of these problems.

I wish i didnt try that Rekogntion software now, it said I look 43 years old     NOOOOOO!!!

[ImagineKate]

I really do think it's the shadow. I just took this. Damn! It screams guy. Well apart from my boobs and hips but the shadow...

[Jade_404]

I think when you have your beard removed you will not run into so many of these problems.

I wish i didnt try that Rekogntion software now, it said I look 43 years old     NOOOOOO!!!

oh geez! sorry  

be sure not to use photos with light coming from above..  it adds YEARS on the rekog age stats. Use light coming from low angle like morning or afternoon light.

High noon light = OLD.

I am 40 and it thinks I am 25-30... sometimes as young as 17. Thats with lower light, with light above me it thinks I am 60+  ugh!

-Jade

[Jade_404]

I really do think it's the shadow. I just took this. Damn! It screams guy. Well apart from my boobs and hips but the shadow...

Yes, I think thats what it is, the shadow. Once that hair is gone you will be a happy girl again! 

-Jade

[Joanne Feliz]

You need to have at least 4 laser sessions to make a big difference apparently.  Dont lose heart,  you have a great face!

[Jade_404]

I really do think it's the shadow. I just took this. Damn! It screams guy. Well apart from my boobs and hips but the shadow...

Even in this picture Rekog rates you 100% female.. so , Yes you have a great face! Feminine  Nice boobs and hips too 

-Jade

[ImagineKate]

You need to have at least 4 laser sessions to make a big difference apparently.  Dont lose heart,  you have a great face!

True. Plus I have type IV so they use the YAG laser. Patience I guess.

[ImagineKate]

And like Devlyn said, smile some there winter face!  lol you got to glow. I have seen some older photos of you and you glowed more in them 

-Jade

Yeah I wish I had "glow" these days. I have lots of things bogging me down these days and sometimes I feel like just throwing the towel in on everything. Not just transition, everything and I'll become one of those 41% statistics of trans people if you know what I mean.

That's in a different thread though.

Tonight is one of these nights:

[Jade_404]

Yeah I wish I had "glow" these days. I have lots of things bogging me down these days and sometimes I feel like just throwing the towel in on everything. Not just transition, everything and I'll become one of those 41% statistics of trans people if you know what I mean.

That's in a different thread though.

Tonight is one of these nights:

aww , well here is a big hug for you  shot from across the net. Hope it didn't miss. Wish I could do more to make you feel better! Hate to see good people down.  hug hug hug hug hug!!!!!

-Jade

[ImagineKate]

Thanks. I appreciate the hugs and support.

I don't know if you noticed but I took down all my old photos and my avatar. Reason is I caught my wife browsing here. She claims she didn't know I posted here but wanted to get support in the significant others section. How did I figure it out? She posted a link on facebook by accident.

[summer710]

From personal experience, at the beginning of my transition (with HRT) I did seem to get "sir'd" and referred in the male pronoun more so than prior to transition.   I feel it had to do more with society's penchant to dichotomize gender into only male vs female.  At the start, as I moved into the androgynous phase, I think I got "sir'd" more readily because it was as if (in the public opinion) they had excitedly gotten an answer correct on a test - they had decided I was a biological XY male and were happy to say (in their mind, and voiced publicly) the correct answer to my gender.  Not so much anymore - now I'm gendered about 60% female, 10% male, 30% not attempted with confused stares).  Those pronoun numbers are fine for me, since my typical everyday is jeans, T-shirt, and baseball cap; footwear either beach sandals, sneakers, or cowboy boots; no makeup, just some chapstick.  I still have a typical male voice - so it's funny to see their reaction when they gender me as female.  Voice coaching will come soon enough...

As for laser - as others have said - it takes a few sessions to see results; I usually saw hair evacuation around 10-14 days post-treatment.  I'm five sessions in - figure I'll probably go up to eight and then electro the remaining white hairs.

So to summarize - who knows, maybe the public's perception of your androgyny is similar to mine...and if so, don't worry...they'll get it correct eventually 

[April_TO]

Kate, here's virtual hug *April sits beside Kate* to let you know you are not alone my sister.
It's just one of those days. Don't let this day blind you from what great things are ahead of you.

You are beautiful. Sending all the love and positive vibes I can muster.

xoxo

April

[ImagineKate]

From the bottom of my heart, thank you everyone. You all know how to make a girl feel loved.