my family and their blatant disrespect for trans* people (TW)

[infinity]

well, tonight my family decided to drag out their collection of offensive and sexist jokes. after they expended those, they moved onto Bruce Jenner and began attacking her (and, evidently, called her by male pronouns). my brother, notorious for his inability to draw the line, cracked a joke about the recent car crash she was in. this incident isn't the first time my family shamelessly insulted someone who isn't straight, white, and cisgender. i swear, i'm the only person who has a little decency in my immediate family.

all the while, i was sitting there ready to either explode of implode (or both). i was fuming and feeling this intense feeling of betrayal and sadness. i wanted to scream at them, "hey, you know, maybe someone in this family just happens to be transgender. just maybe!" and that would've been followed by a series of harsh insults accompanied by multiple f-bombs. (that's equivalent to the treatment i get everyday, and i figured it's time for some payback.) however, i managed to hold my tongue.

it's going to be extremely awkward whenever i come out. i mean, i know they'll say they'll accept and support me...

[Ms Grace]

People do sometimes moderate their views when they have more familial contact with objects of their prejudices. So you never know. But yeah, it can be rough hearing that kind of hateful nonsense.

[VisorDown]

I once spoke with an LGBT historian who told me something: people's perceptions of the Lesbian and Gay community began to change when they realised they knew someone in it, and the rumours and terrible things said about them weren't true.

Stay strong, Infinity. You're doing an amazing job dealing with this sort of discrimination. I don't know your family as well as you do but remember, they're just being insensitive and since they're in a group, probably posturing a little bit as well. Hopefully their attitudes now can be swayed and improved with time.

Good luck,
Alaric

[StrykerXIII]

Your family sounds like mine. My parents still blatantly use male pronouns and call me "son", and even my FtM brother attacked me recently.

[infinity]

thanks everyone.

i'm sorry about your situation, StrykerXIII. one would think that your brother, of all people, would be more understanding.

[sam1234]

On the lighter side, some of those people who routinely make fun of transgenders probably know one or more and perhaps are even friends with one and don't know it. Now who is the fool?

That had to be hard to sit through without saying something. Families can really hurt. Before I transitioned, my younger brother and I were very close. After I sat him down and told him, he refused to speak to me for the next ten years. He will talk to me now, but is still uncomfortable and everts his eyes. I really miss him.

sam1234

[infinity]

On the lighter side, some of those people who routinely make fun of transgenders probably know one or more and perhaps are even friends with one and don't know it. Now who is the fool?

that's a good way to look at it!

That had to be hard to sit through without saying something. Families can really hurt. Before I transitioned, my younger brother and I were very close. After I sat him down and told him, he refused to speak to me for the next ten years. He will talk to me now, but is still uncomfortable and everts his eyes. I really miss him.

sam1234

thanks. and i'm sorry about your younger brother. i hope he comes around.

-jackson

[Del]

There is truth to the way the views of straight or cisgender people tend to change when they find out they have a friend or relative that is gay or transgender.

I have a nephew who is openly gay. When he came out I had to stop and rethink many things. His parents never came around and now I suspect it is because of my views. They probably didn't want any drama knowing I do not agree with gay / transgenders views.

Recently we have gotten together for family functions. I may disagree with his views as a minister but he still is my nephew and regardless of what the word of God says about his salvation I still love him as my nephew. When we have a family function I go not as a minister but as his uncle who loves him. Since we both know what each other believe and accept one another as such there is no friction. Just an uncle and nephew.

Also, I have a dear friend on this site who I consider a sister in Christ. Since the Lord gave us both the same dream some 40 years ago or so I truly believes he knows her and if he considers her to be a she (MTF) who am I to doubt that?

As for rude remarks and jokes I would have to say I have done such things in times past. I would also have to say it wasn't very loving as well.

Just because some people make rude remarks or tell rude jokes it doesn't necessarily mean they will never understand or accept you. They may continue to disagree but they may change and love and accept regardless.

I realize there are those who will never change and be hateful until the end but for some of us it meant really stopping to put ourselves in your shoes so to speak. We have problems of different sorts that are just as devastating but some of our problems aren't so openly seen. Even straight and cisgender folk have problems that have made them contemplate suicide at one time or another but the same grace of God Almighty that sees a straight or cisgender person through can see a gay or transgender person through as well.

I hope someone gets something out of this. Not all of us are uncaring and hateful. Some of us have actually learned from having gay or transgender friends or relatives. We may disagree spiritually and scripturally but that does not mean we hate or look down on gay and transgender people. I just wish more people could find that balance of telling others what scripture says without telling evil jokes or making rude remarks.

May God bless.

[sam1234]

I was raised a protestant. Though I believe in God and Jesus, I no longer subscribe to any particular religion. Not all Ministers, Pastors etc. have opposing views of  the moral or religious rights and wrongs of being transgender.

When I got married, I chose the minister at my parent's church. He counseled us prior to the wedding and agreed to marry us. He was a man of small physical stature, but may just as well have been six feet the way he carried himself. I did and still do have great respect for the man, and believe that if he had any reservations about transgenders going against God, he would not have married us.
His religious beliefs and moral compass would not have allowed it.

Sam1234