Voice? Who cares

[Muffinheart]

When I first transitioned, as we all do, we obsess over the negative things.
"I'm too this, or that"
Early on, I remember being self conscious about my voice. My therapist - PhD and focused solely on gender for 30 years - told me that passing is a state of mind. Confidence is the key.
I dismissed her thoughts, figured what does she know.
The next two years, I spent money on DVD, Cd, speech therapy.....if it was out there, I paid for it.
Did some of it work? A bit.
I even considered vocal cord surgery, but felt the risks didn't jive.
But then, a funny thing happened. Two years living full time, I learned to smile a lot more. To keep my head held high when I walked.
Whether I was at the bank, grocery shopping, walking around, I smiled, and I smiled. People smiled back. My confidence soared and has never fallen since then.
I now realize, six years later, voice didn't make or break me. Who I am on the outside, my smile, how I interact with people is key.
I've never had a disparaging word said to me, or been clocked. Of course when people hear me, of course my voice isn't what it should be.
If you want a real lesson that voice SHOULDNT matter, look on YouTube for videos of the late, great actress Lauren Bacall. She's gorgeous, sultry, and a deep voice.
To me, confidence is the # 1 thing to passing - not makeup, clothes, how you walk or talk, your height etc.
walk like you belong.
My therapist was right. Damn her for being right lol

[kelly_aus]

While I don't disagree with you at all, I do feel the need to point out this concept may not go down will with many here..

Confidence and attitude are just as important as anything else when it comes to passing..

[Muffinheart]

While I don't disagree with you at all, I do feel the need to point out this concept may not go down will with many here..

Confidence and attitude are just as important as anything else when it comes to passing..

Ok...but voice is just one part of transition.
To me, it is the least important part, and never has hindered me in any way because my confidence trumps voice.

[Cindy]

I for one totally agree with you Muffinheart.

[kelly_aus]

I should probably mention that I use the same voice I've had since it broke..

[ImagineKate]

For me, my voice is important.

But I get what you're saying. If you can pass in other ways voice may just be minor in people's minds.

Or if you don't care about passing then voice really wouldn't matter either.

[Muffinheart]

For me, my voice is important.

But I get what you're saying. If you can pass in other ways voice may just be minor in people's minds.

Or if you don't care about passing then voice really wouldn't matter either.

Hmmm I think it's  wrong of you to assume that I don't pass because I don't care about my voice.
I said that I choose not to make voice an obstacle to my confidence, and that voice to me is less important.
I am not fixated on how I sound.

[suzifrommd]

I've heard a great many people here say that passing is only confidence.

Not my experience. I find I can be clocked by any number of things that do not relate to my confidence. True, that being confident protects you from stares, being confronted, etc. People who clock you tend to show it less.

For me, voice plays a duel role. When I first went out as a woman I used a voice that sounded feminine to me but which feedback from others was that there was still too much male resonance. When I worked on my voice further, I developed a voice that never, ever gets clocked. I'm glad I did that. However, the voice also is the representation of my femininity. When I hear my sweet feminine voice, it's a reflection of exactly the way I feel inside. It was a major confidence booster when I was starting out, and it still fills me with joy when I hear it.

Bottom line: If you're happy with your voice don't tinker with it.

[sam1234]

The fact that different aspects of transitioning are individual. What bothers one person may not bother another. Looking at your picture, you aren't going to be called by the wrong gender. If you are good with your voice now, I'm glad you were spared a lifetime of wondering. For those who seem to have gotten stuck on one aspect of their bodies, seeking support groups or therapists who work extensively with transgenders might help. The person you really need to impress is yourself.

sam1234

[ImagineKate]

Hmmm I think it's  wrong of you to assume that I don't pass because I don't care about my voice.
I said that I choose not to make voice an obstacle to my confidence, and that voice to me is less important.
I am not fixated on how I sound.

I did not say you didn't pass.

I am saying if you pass visually enough the voice can be overlooked.

Or, if someone doesn't care about passing, the voice is irrelevant as well.

They are two separate things.

You look like you pass extremely well, so unless you had a low male Johnny Cash type voice I doubt you'd have issues.

[missymay]

Why aren't you able to develop a female voice? 

[Muffinheart]

Why aren't you able to develop a female voice?

Why?
Well, after 7 years fulltime, and never having had a problem with my voice, just not that important.
If I answer the phone, and mistakes me from my voice, I correct them. No biggie.

I just don't see having to work at something that hasn't hindered me, so why start now?

[ainsley]

This one is a dichotomy for me.  I have confidence and go out like I own the world and care not if they stare or clock me.  I am full time in all aspects of my life.  I am not a woman for them; I am a woman -period.  That makes me happy.  However when this happens:

Phone Rings.
Me: "Hello?"
Man calling: Hi, can I speak with ainsley?"
Me: "This is her."
Man calling: "Good afternoon, sir."

Ugh.

So, this bothers me enough to want to change my voice.  Confidence or not, I am clocked regularly on the phone.  I can start out good with a voice not vibrating in my chest and still get clocked.

So, I agree with Muffinheart about the confidence and normality of being a woman satisfying me when I am out and about.  But, at the same time I totally empathize with those that want their voice to be more feminine to accomplish a feeling and experience that suits my feminine normality otherwise.  It certainly is not a deal breaker in my life, but it has come to be something I find myself dealing with more and more.

[Tessa James]

I have a philosophical challenge about changing my voice that is a part of authenticity and individuality which I greatly value.  I have had professional speech therapy but recognize that I do not work at it diligently.  My voice is a bit more fem but i will also use my male voice on occasion for dramatic impact.  I also recognize the dissonance and awkwardness that some people may feel about a less congruent voice and body.  Just part of the diversity in the rainbow world we share.

Finding YOUR voice is what seems important IMHO.

[Muffinheart]

I have a philosophical challenge about changing my voice that is a part of authenticity and individuality which I greatly value.  I have had professional speech therapy but recognize that I do not work at it diligently.  My voice is a bit more fem but i will also use my male voice on occasion for dramatic impact.  I also recognize the dissonance and awkwardness that some people may feel about a less congruent voice and body.  Just part the diversity in the rainbow world we share.

Finding YOUR voice is what seems important IMHO.

You said it perfectly.
I think what happened to me when I took lessons, and practiced, I always felt like I was trying to hard.
Then I had to be self conscious when I was in social situations.

You're right, whatever makes each of us happy, there is no right or wrong.

[antonia]

For myself the voice was a very important part of my transition, people seem to think that voice is something intrinsic but in my opinion it's like any other muscle in your body, you can exercise and tone muscles if you want them to look different than if you don't exercise them.

For me my new voice comes very naturally, even when I'm caught unaware sleeping and answer the phone It's there so I don't feel like it's fake in any way, in fact I' have a hard time figuring out what my voice used to sound like.

As a side-note a friend told me today that my voicemail had some guy in it, oops forgot to change my voicemail greeting so promptly changed it but was totally surprised to hear my old voice again.

[ImagineKate]

This one is a dichotomy for me.  I have confidence and go out like I own the world and care not if they stare or clock me.  I am full time in all aspects of my life.  I am not a woman for them; I am a woman -period.  That makes me happy.  However when this happens:

Phone Rings.
Me: "Hello?"
Man calling: Hi, can I speak with ainsley?"
Me: "This is her."
Man calling: "Good afternoon, sir."

Ugh.

I have a male friend who is named Ainsley. So that could be why.

[missymay]

Why?
Well, after 7 years fulltime, and never having had a problem with my voice, just not that important.
If I answer the phone, and mistakes me from my voice, I correct them. No biggie.

I just don't see having to work at something that hasn't hindered me, so why start now?

It must be of some concern to you, otherwise you wouldn't have started this thread.

[Muffinheart]

It must be of some concern to you, otherwise you wouldn't have started this thread.

Nope, quite the opposite.
Rather than you assume it's an issue of mine, I'm reaching out as someone who worried at the beginning of transition, to realizing that voice hasn't impacted me or living day to day.
Too many excuses are made for not transitioning - height, weight, size of hands, feet, voice etc.
I've seen girls six feet tall, I've heard girls with deep voices, and there are women with big feet.
So what?
We're not perfect, so why strive for someone else's ideal of perfection?

[missymay]

How is speaking with a female voice when you are female, striving for someone else's ideal of perfection?  Most trans women are able to attain a female voice, all it takes is training and determination.