Complicated

[hiddenfeatherscanfly]

So since I was 15 I identified as non binary . I binded my chest cut my hair short and started dressing more boyishly. I am biologically a female. Now that im 18 I've been a bit scared at the idea of being transgender ftm. Ive realized I've been suppressing a lot of feelings inside myself. I prefer looking boyish and binding my chest but I still love feminine things such as floral patterns and cardigans and leggings but I always get a boy haircut and my preferred name is Tommy. Im also scared to be trans because I'm dating a wonderful cis guy who I've been in love with for 6 years and he identifies as straight. Im so unsure of what I should do and who I am. He says he wants me to do what makes me happy and he says he loves me. I want to be seen as a boy but i don't  want to go on testosterone  at the moment but am seriously thinking about top surgery. Could i get some input on my situation?

[mrs izzy]

Tommy.

Welcome to Susan's family.

Lots of topics to explore and post to read or write. 

Safe passage on your path.

Someone will be around from the Mod squad and give you a list of valuable information on the site.

Work through things a day at a time and finding a good support network is the key.

Hugs

[Ms Grace]

Hey Tommy

Welcome to Susan's    Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

The situation you are describing is quite a tough one. Have you been able to discuss your gender identity with a counsellor? That might be a good starting point. Any decision needs to be ultimately yours and, unfortunately as many of us have discovered, transition and operations and the like can come with a distinct negative impact on our relationships with people we love. That isn't always they way of course, it depends on the partner and a range of tricky factors. I met a trans guy some 11 years ago when he was still presenting as female, now several years after transition he is still with the same boyfriend he had then... so it's not an impossibility but it really depends on a lot of things.

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Cheers

Grace

[hiddenfeatherscanfly]

Thank you. I have debated going back to therapy this time for gender but i think i might wait, the last time I did therapy weren't the best experiences

[adrian]

Hi Tommy,

welcome! It's great you found your way over here. Make sure to check out the Youth board and the ftm section.

Counseling would definitely be a good thing to help you figure out your way.

It's ok to identify as ftm and like floral stuff . It's also ok not to want to go on t for the moment (or ever) but want top surgery!

If labeling yourself ftm is too scary for the moment, then don't. Sometimes it can feel overwhelming to apply a label to yourself -- because all of the perceived "requirements" that come with this label. But the thing is, it's entirely up to you to define what ftm means to you. There are no requirements really.

We're here to support you in your journey and will be happy to help you explore your identity

[Taius]

I'd say first and foremost, see if you can find a counselor who you can bounce ideas off of. They can be the absolute best in helping you go through with changes you want, and helping you figure out how to do those.

The fact that you might like some feminine things is perfectly fine, but don't let that convince you that you can't be a man if you decide to be one. I know cis men who range from badass punch-a-bear-in-the-face mountain men (Lived in Alaska, I'm being literal. Also it was a black bear not a grizzly. ) to guys who were obsessed with fashion, romance movies, bright colors and all things cute or pretty.

And as far as your boyfriend goes, if he's being honest then it sounds like he'll be there for you even if you did transition. I know plenty of trans men and women who've been with the same person before and after their transition. So even if they identify as straight, there's a lot of factors that go into labels like straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, etc.

And if you don't want to take T, then don't do it! It's that simple. Do only what makes YOU comfortable with yourself. There's no one right way to be part of this community.

Best of luck, Tommy! And I hope you enjoy your stay