New To Everything

[DigitalAndy]

Hi Everyone!

My name is Andy and I have recently opened my eyes to this journey. I was born male but have started my move across the gender spectrum. I'm 28 years old and have always described myself as more feminine than most men. Most people seem to have had the assumption that I am gay. I have always liked women and had 95% female friends so I had been experimenting with bisexuality for a spell. None of that ever felt so true and so real as the morning I woke up with the idea in my head that I am not just feminine but somewhere at least close to androgynous. I have only recently started to frame my experiences with depression and my relationships with women into this context but it has started to make all too much sense. Frankly I am scared as hell. It does not feel like a hobby or a kink or a phase. I am well past adolescence and I have obviously nothing to gain from society from presenting femininely...

I'm currently in a career transition of choice. I decided to leave a well paying job that did not fit who I was as a person. As I gave myself that permission, this flood of other feelings have come through. My overwhelming thought is that it is amazing what you can do with your life when you finally give yourself the permission to do it. I have worn a "To Write Love On Her Arms" bracelet for a long time and I am realizing that the "Her" on the bracelet that has always resonated with me is actually myself.

The problem I am having is that I am also trying to move across the country in a few weeks and that move is taking me back to my parent's house for a bit. I've never discussed my sexuality with them but I know they've heard about the possibility of men. I am thinking of calling my mom tomorrow and telling her that I don't really care for men romantically but that I've started to think of myself as more of a woman. A little good news/bad news from her viewpoint I'm sure. She's loving but it's going to be hard.

She always would tell me that she wished and wished while pregnant to have a red headed girl. I have always gone by Andy and as a child would get visibly angry with anyone who called me Andrew. I never fit in with the boys. Still don't. I can't even hang out with a group of gay men and feel like I belong most of the time. I feel like I am swimming in a sea of testosterone that is just ick.

Anyways...please message me as I'd love to hear from you. I do have active counseling and a friend network that is mostly virtual at this point due to post college diaspora. My current position is that of exploring and riding the train towards the center before pursuing anything medical or hormonal.

Stay beautiful and strong.

<3 Andy

[mrs izzy]

Andy,
Welcome to Susan's family. One of the Mod Squad will be around with some helpful links for the site.

In the mean time, So many topics to explore and posts to read or write. 

Many article of news, wiki, links and chat

Safe passage on your path.

Je Suis etres-humains, Hugs

[Devlyn]

Hi Andy, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm a Bostonian. Thanks for telling us a little about yourself. Looking forward to seeing you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

[mrs izzy]

Andy seem you have slipped through the forum lines.

Welcome to Susan's family.
So many topics to explore and posts to read or write. 
Many article of news, wiki, links and chat
Take some time and read over the links for the site rules.
Each link holds it own section.

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation rules
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

Safe passage on your path.
Je Suis etres-humains,
Hugs
[/quote]

[Myarkstir]

Hey!

Welcome to Susan's

[Mariah]

Hi Andy, Welcome to susan's. I look forward to seeing you around the site.
Mariah

[V M]

Hi Andy 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[Julia-Madrid]

Hi Andy and welcome!

It's an interesting journey, and many of us have had to evolve in order to reach the point where we feel that we're finally being true to ourselves.  Anecdotal evidence on Susan's suggests that not many of us have needed to deal both with gender and orientation, but we do exist - it simply (well, not really!) adds an extra layer of complexity to an already complex situation. 

Being "scared as hell" is perhaps a good way to start, but you sound like a person who's not scared of taking control and making difficult decisions.  The fear diminishes as you learn more about yourself and define the journey you wish to take.  And, for me at least, the fear pretty much disappeared once I began the journey.  At that point it was replaced by great optimism and excitement, plus a wonderful sense of knowing that I'd finally found the real me.   It was a bit of a breakneck journey - my choice entirely - but I can honestly say that it has been the most exciting and meaningful journey of my life, and I consider myself especially fortunate for being able to have experienced this. 

Good luck.  Embrace your changing self, and have fun on the way.

Hugs
Julia