Someone or something is giving a guy I know some ideas about my past. He said something to someone (not knowing I would hear it) about not seeing me as "any less of a man."I don't think he plans on asking for details, he seems to be waiting for me to open up to him. And while I appreciate that, if he is being honest, he doesn't see me as less of a man... I'm not happy with the fact that he seems to be catching on. I feel like someone who knows us both mutually let something slip. I'm kind of beating myself up honestly...I know he saw my bra strap a while back, so I'm beating myself up for not being more cautious about that. I also feel like telling that girl that might have let something slip was a mistake. I told her because I had ulterior motives of getting in her pants, and I wanted to be forthright about my issue. But she never reciprocated my feelings, so telling her served zero purpose - I feel like I should have scoped her out more carefully. Had I gotten to know her better, I'd know she isn't the best at keeping confidential stuff confidential.
What scares me is that my transition is an extremely sensitive spot for me. The fear of being outed, or actually being outed, has triggered some very serious mental health relapses for me. Can I just say what I want to do? I want to quit my job, block everyone that I've met in the last 6 months from my cellphone, and never speak to any of them again. Maybe break a bunch of ->-bleeped-<- in my bedroom. Start fresh. But that would be really bad for me too, to be isolated.
I'm so so stupid for not being more guarded, and for getting too comfortable. And I'm so stupid for trusting that woman so quickly. She has only good intentions and it isn't out of malice, but she just sucks at keeping things to herself. Maybe it wasn't her though, he could have heard it from other places if he went digging deep enough. *sigh*
