I'm thinking about how much there is left of transition. Honestly the thought is quite overwhelming...there's a likely chance I will need a revision on my chest, which is fine as I totally expected that might be the case given the approach we were taking. I'm fine with that. But then there's removing all the internal organs...which as far as I am concerned is non-negotiable to keep the risk of cancer down. Then there's the genital surgery itself...which depending on what I choose could be like a 2 or 3 part surgery. So that's like 5 surgeries.
And of course as I think about that I think about all the things I can't really do until all that is done. I won't swim or be shirtless at all until the chest is done, and even at that, it depends on the scars. I won't show scars. And in terms of dating...well, I'm girl crazy so there's a good chance if someone pretty and great comes along I will go for the girl without bottom surgery. But, at the same time, I can't really fathom dating a woman with what I currently have either. I wouldn't be stealth to a romantic interest but it's a matter of personal comfort. So that's going to be what? Like 5 years?
But then there is the whole glass half empty vs glass half full discussion. So I can't swim or go to the beach...doesn't stop me from doing any winter activities, or tons of other stuff where you generally should be clothed lol. And if I don't date...well, my life is different now than it was before. Prior to starting HRT, romantic interests were my main form of support since with estrogen, I did not get along well with others. But I can form friendships more easily and authentically now. So I can have close friends. It's also just a hell of a lot easier to navigate the world now that I don't hate everything and everyone so much.
