How do I know that when something happens, it was something that should happen, or just something I imagined, and made happen?
For instance, in the past, whenever I'd decide to be in a relationship, I tended to have a picture of what kind of person I wanted, then that person would appear almost immediately, but after a while I'd feel claustrophobic and want out, then something would happen to end the relationship, and so on.
I now realize that my objections could have been my male side not wanting to play the wife role.
The other day, I was trying, once again, to think up someone to be with who would accept me for what I am, and wouldn't annoy me, and realized I couldn't decide between male or female (I'm androgynous, asexual/demi-sexual), so idly thought the perfect mate would be my ex-husband, but as a female.
When I checked my email that evening, there was an email from my ex saying he was going to transition to female and wanted to get back together.
Then I panicked, and wanted to change my mind, because he was badly behaving when we were last together, but I still seem to want to be with him, so he has continued to say he wants to get back with me.
The problem with our creating our own universe is getting ourselves to WANT the "right" things. But what is "right?" If we create our own universes, aren't we the ones deciding what is right?? ACKKK!
I almost miss my religious days when I was taught that "God" controls everything and we are helpless pawns who must remain passive and obedient.
