Help please!!!

[allisonmaybe?]

So recently I've been feeling kind of depressed , I feel like I have absolutely nothing going for me in regards to my looks and personality! I plan on going full time this April and feel like I will be completely hideous and will never pass as a Woman. I'm not sure if I know who I am anymore and constantly question whether or not the past 22 years of my life was just a lie I told just to hid my true gender. Two of my best friends broke up and I don't know how to console them, one of which suffered from depression and is now suicidal, I have no clue on how to approach the situation. I just have no clue what to do with any of this, I am terrified to tell my therapist oit of fear she will deny me my letter of recommendation for a GRS! Any advice?

[Jayne]

I don't pass right now & refuse to dress male just to please complete strangers, I wear womens trousers & t-shirts, I wear rings but they're not overly femine. I always have my nails painted & if I pass through an area of Bristol that isn't trans friendly (we have a few such areas) then I put my hands in my pockets.
If I was born female then people would class my choice of clothing as tomboy, it's just enough to ease my dysphoria & should a therapist ask then I can say with 100% honesty that i've been doing RLE for 3yrs.
I don't know what country you are in but here in the UK the NHS cannot force you to do RLE as a requirement to start HRT, if you explain that the cause of your depression is not being on HRT then any therapist worth their salary would start you on HRT to ease the depression.

[Eveline]

So recently I've been feeling kind of depressed , I feel like I have absolutely nothing going for me in regards to my looks and personality!

Is your depression something new, or have you had it for awhile?

Also, why you targeting April to go full time? Is the date tied to some other life event, like moving or starting a new job/school, or is it just a date?

Are you maybe just having the jitters, or are there specific things about yourself that you think won't pass?

[allisonmaybe?]

I have been on hrt for about 5 months now, and I plan on going full time in april because I will be leaving my current job(not a trans friendly environment) I work kind of a hard schedule that often causes me to lose sleep. I think between the nerves, my current job, and a few social stressers I just have been putting myself down alot, sorry if I had caused any concern I really think I just needed to vent. Thank you very much for the replies!!!

[Eveline]

Hugs.