Hiding my birth gender

[Asche]

I'm just curious: what are your reasons (or anybody's)?

I can understand wanting to pass and to be seen as and treated as the gender you identify with.  And to not have your past be something you're constantly having to explain and maybe defend.  At some point, you just want to get on with your life.

But it sounds like you want to in effect deny your past (or at least that aspect of it) completely.

The down side of successfully hiding any significant fact about your past is that you spend your life having to worry about people finding out.  And the more successfully and longer you manage to hide it, the bigger a deal it is if/when you are "found out."

[Skylar105]

I'm just curious: what are your reasons (or anybody's)?

I can understand wanting to pass and to be seen as and treated as the gender you identify with.  And to not have your past be something you're constantly having to explain and maybe defend.  At some point, you just want to get on with your life.

But it sounds like you want to in effect deny your past (or at least that aspect of it) completely.

The down side of successfully hiding any significant fact about your past is that you spend your life having to worry about people finding out.  And the more successfully and longer you manage to hide it, the bigger a deal it is if/when you are "found out."

I can give a answer for myself it really comes down to personal experience for me. (I don't know about others) but I wouldn't want others to know because here we are typically treated horribly and treated as a whole different creature. Not seen as who we really are but some kind of wannabe type thing. Treated differently as such this trigger actually set some of my personal triggers off. Because it reminds me I'll always be different and I hate being different. Biology wise etc and they'll always use that as an excuse to treat me differently (most often poorly). So it's perfectly reasonable to hide in my eyes for a chance to be treated as what you are. Which unfortunately I'm not to such a point. Of course I can't answer for other people just myself.

[TransKaty]

I'm just curious: what are your reasons (or anybody's)?

I can understand wanting to pass and to be seen as and treated as the gender you identify with.  And to not have your past be something you're constantly having to explain and maybe defend.  At some point, you just want to get on with your life.

But it sounds like you want to in effect deny your past (or at least that aspect of it) completely.

The down side of successfully hiding any significant fact about your past is that you spend your life having to worry about people finding out.  And the more successfully and longer you manage to hide it, the bigger a deal it is if/when you are "found out."

I feel like I should be allowed to deny my past since it wasn't my choice. I just feel I can be as "normal" (as society calls it) as anyone.
But I know a lot of people aren't open about being transgender/transsexual. (A lot of celebrities you would never guess to be born a boy or a girl)

[TransKaty]

I can give a answer for myself it really comes down to personal experience for me. (I don't know about others) but I wouldn't want others to know because here we are typically treated horribly and treated as a whole different creature. Not seen as who we really are but some kind of wannabe type thing. Treated differently as such this trigger actually set some of my personal triggers off. Because it reminds me I'll always be different and I hate being different. Biology wise etc and they'll always use that as an excuse to treat me differently (most often poorly). So it's perfectly reasonable to hide in my eyes for a chance to be treated as what you are. Which unfortunately I'm not to such a point. Of course I can't answer for other people just myself.

Aww just think of it like this, you have to be REAL strong. You aren't different. Hell I could tell you a list of people who are trans and you'd probably think I'm lying. Look up on google. "Avril Lavigne transsexual" as rude as it is her brother outed her and it would explain a lot about her why in her songs she's depressed at times.. Not saying trans people are sad but I'm just saying.

[TransKaty]

The new parts (whether F or M) will never look or function exactly like the respective CIS parts. Thus there could be some question. Also, for some medical or legal reasons you might have to declare your trans status.

Actually trans vaginas can look just as real as a cis gender female. And there's even a surgery for transwomen to have babies without her sperm. The only thing is you'd have to have a C section but it would feel the same as a cisgender female giving birth.

[kelly_aus]

Aww just think of it like this, you have to be REAL strong. You aren't different. Hell I could tell you a list of people who are trans and you'd probably think I'm lying. Look up on google. "Avril Lavigne transsexual" as rude as it is her brother outed her and it would explain a lot about her why in her songs she's depressed at times.. Not saying trans people are sad but I'm just saying.

You know, I'd find the Avril story easier to believe if it appeared somewhere other than conspiracy theory sites..

Actually trans vaginas can look just as real as a cis gender female. And there's even a surgery for transwomen to have babies without her sperm. The only thing is you'd have to have a C section but it would feel the same as a cisgender female giving birth.

Research? Yes.. Have they actually done it with a trans woman? No..

And as trans women, we will be the absolute last people on the planet to get access to such procedures..

[Skylar105]

Aww just think of it like this, you have to be REAL strong. You aren't different. Hell I could tell you a list of people who are trans and you'd probably think I'm lying. Look up on google. "Avril Lavigne transsexual" as rude as it is her brother outed her and it would explain a lot about her why in her songs she's depressed at times.. Not saying trans people are sad but I'm just saying.

Honestly success stories don't benefit me at all and probably do more harm than good. It's like bragging while I'm in a bad place and just because one person made it doesn't mean I will. But it's good to have optimism so enjoy it.

[TransKaty]

In many places you can erase the evidence from your documentation.

However, there will still be many people who knew you pre-transition. It would depend on how confident you are that not a single one of them would ever drop a juicy secret about you, either accidentally or on purpose.

I'm starting over, leaving all the people I've ever known

[DragonBeer]

I'm starting over, leaving all the people I've ever known

If you don't mind keep tracking of some white lies and keeping your story in check for the rest of your life, then yeah you can go stealth if you're leaving everyone behind. However, there's no getting around the fact that your doctors have to know. Not to mention your future partner as well.

[lovelessheart]

Disagree. There are variety of genitalia ... so this qas basically reffering to everyone, cis or not. No one private bits are perfect.

The new parts (whether F or M) will never look or function exactly like the respective CIS parts. Thus there could be some question. Also, for some medical or legal reasons you might have to declare your trans status.

[lovelessheart]

I dont think its nothing wrong with going stealth. If thats what makes her happy I think she should do it. Not every trans person wants to walk around with a sign that says... oh yeah I was born this way . If she wanted to tell her partner thats up to her. People keep secrets, period. Sometes things are just way to personal even for partners. It always seems to be made a crime to even be stealth.

If you don't mind keep tracking of some white lies and keeping your story in check for the rest of your life, then yeah you can go stealth if you're leaving everyone behind. However, there's no getting around the fact that your doctors have to know. Not to mention your future partner as well.

[ImagineKate]

And there's even a surgery for transwomen to have babies without her sperm. The only thing is you'd have to have a C section but it would feel the same as a cisgender female giving birth.

Nope. We are not there yet. Maybe in the future, but absolutely not right now. Otherwise it would be huge news.

[ImagineKate]

I dont think its nothing wrong with going stealth. If thats what makes her happy I think she should do it. Not every trans person wants to walk around with a sign that says... oh yeah I was born this way . If she wanted to tell her partner thats up to her. People keep secrets, period. Sometes things are just way to personal even for partners. It always seems to be made a crime to even be stealth.

I mean yeah it's her choice but if someone didn't disclose something like this to me and I found out, it would kind of be a big deal. I honestly don't know if I'd stay or leave, because trust has been broken.

And again, we come straight back to the question - you are who you are. Do you want someone to love you for who you truly are or something you're pretending to be. And by pretending to be, I mean a cisgender woman.

Look, I believe in full stealth to everyone if that's what you want, but I also believe that relationships are based on trust, and keeping those big secrets from a partner is not fair to that partner.

And really, it doesn't end badly for a lot of people... there's someone here who was debating whether she should tell her boyfriend. In the end she did, and he accepted her anyway. But imagine doing so 10-20 years down the line. It could be just fine, or it could be a messy divorce.

Your choice, but trust is what makes or breaks a relationship.

Sometes things are just way to personal even for partners.

Sorry I've been married 10 years and I simply cannot see it this way. The biggest mistake I made was not telling her earlier that I was trans. A big secret like that does not lead to a healthy marriage.

[Jenna Marie]

I'll leave the question of data searching to others more knowledgeable; it's probably harder and harder to hide information in the information age, but if you can do it...

However, physically, I've been examined by a gynecologist and ER doctors who couldn't tell my parts weren't factory-made. My vagina and vulva look and function like a cis woman's. (Obviously I'm lacking a uterus and ovaries, but the explanation for that could also cover why I was on HRT - a full hysterectomy with ovary removal. At this point, menopausal HRT wouldn't out you either; there are cis women who end up in menopause young and due to surgery.) So yes, with a sufficiently skilled surgeon, you probably could avoid having to admit anything even when naked.

And all physical gender traits, aside from genitals, occur in both genders; it might be more common for men than women to have larger hands, M-shaped hairlines, etc. but there are cis women out there with any combination you can think of from the "masculine" list.

[TransKaty]

I'll leave the question of data searching to others more knowledgeable; it's probably harder and harder to hide information in the information age, but if you can do it...

However, physically, I've been examined by a gynecologist and ER doctors who couldn't tell my parts weren't factory-made. My vagina and vulva look and function like a cis woman's. (Obviously I'm lacking a uterus and ovaries, but the explanation for that could also cover why I was on HRT - a full hysterectomy with ovary removal. At this point, menopausal HRT wouldn't out you either; there are cis women who end up in menopause young and due to surgery.) So yes, with a sufficiently skilled surgeon, you probably could avoid having to admit anything even when naked.

And all physical gender traits, aside from genitals, occur in both genders; it might be more common for men than women to have larger hands, M-shaped hairlines, etc. but there are cis women out there with any combination you can think of from the "masculine" list.

My whole family was around 5'8-5'10 but my parents are shrinking. My brother is about 5'12-6 foot. So hopefully if I get on HRT soon I'll shrink a bit, also my parents have big hands even my mother but I don't crack my knuckles or anything so mine are smaller

[ImagineKate]

My whole family was around 5'8-5'10 but my parents are shrinking. My brother is about 5'12-6 foot. So hopefully if I get on HRT soon I'll shrink a bit, also my parents have big hands even my mother but I don't crack my knuckles or anything so mine are smaller

I shrank like an inch but I'm not sure if that is HRT or just age. People shrink with old age and you're young. I would expect you to grow maybe an inch or two though.