Feeling like I'm "not trans enough"

[JenJen2011]

At some point during my transition I felt sorta "stuck". Like my transition came to a halt but I wasn't "passing" enough yet. This made me depressed. I posted about it here on Susan's some years ago. But I kept pushing, kept on going, and now I've completed FFS and SRS which has helped me tremendously. Now I feel complete. Sure I was jealous of all the girls who started hormones before the end of their puberty but for someone who started after, I now have no problem blending in. I say talk to your therapist to help you cope and continue continuing on. Don't give up. It will all get better. If later you decide transition isn't really for you and you want to revert back, that's ok too. Just follow your heart and your happiness.  Best wishes and smile!

[missymay]

And before anyone wishes to start a smite war.

De-transition is a viable option and should sometimes be considered.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,487.0.html is the one of the child boards under the Transgender talk

I would strongly advise one think before one smites anyone.

Just a warning.

BTW first smite I received as a Admin.

back to regularly programming schedule.

I agree with mrs izzy, there's no reason to smite her, you started this thread (and others) expressing your pain, over your inability to pass, and how you will never be able to afford surgery, with your realization that things will not improve for you in the future, so she offered the obvious available option to you.

[Katie]

The funny thing about that headline to me is that I NEVER wanted to be trans anything. Just a average woman. Nothing more and nothing less.

[Susan]

I reversed the smite issued by androgynouspainter26  to Mrs Izzy....

I removed your smite of Mrs Izzy. You may disgree that her suggestion was applicable  to your situation, but the advice it's self was practical and inline with the TOS. The fact that you do not like the advice doesn't give you the right to smite the person who gave it; just don't follow it. I also removed your ability to issue reputation for time. Remind me in a couple of months and I will consider restoring it.

[Hikari]

I can hardly even believe what I am reading right here, maybe this really is the wrong place for me these days.

[GothFriendly]

Are you ready to look like this when you are older?



"Meow"

Seriously though, maybe think about it from a reverse perspective. Are you cis enough to not be trans?

Are you ready to grow out your body hair, and grow a beard? Which is all the rage these days. Most straight women like guys with body hair, it drove me nuts.

Are you ready for your bones to get more masculine. This can't be reversed.

I fought it for years before I knew what it was. I used to be rather androgynous and a painter, I drew girls a lot, and one of my girlfriends pointed out I was drawing myself it made me depressed and I did art less. I used to get called a ->-bleeped-<-, and got miss'd on occasion when I had longer hair, but I didn't like men, I like women, and tried to man up, thinking if I just found the right woman I would feel complete, that this would go away. Then when I was face to face with it, I ran away into another relationship for a few more years. That doesn't work, it never goes away.

At the very least the hormones should be helping you from getting more masculine.

HRT will not make your waist much smaller, depending on your ribs, you are young and could try "waist training" or try gaining weight to get more feminine curves. Someone on ->-bleeped-<- said they did three month cycles of gaining fat and loosing it, eating a lot of ice cream for example.

Wishing you the best. ox

[mrs izzy]

My suggestions and tone has been based on your past issues with this same issues that seems to have a grip on your life.

My said suggestion was based on one of your post you made saying your therapist felt maybe you need to step back.

Even though I think Susan's is a great for support I also see it can become a enabler at times.

Things are hard and not fun.

Your concerns I feel are valid and need your exploration with your therapist.

Acceptance has to come from within then the door opens.

Hugs

[GothFriendly]

Maybe it is time to revisit these issues with your therapist.

There is never a gun to anyones head.

Maybe you need to stop. De-transition.

Back to male.

Its easy. So many make it hard.

Transition is just that a transition from one point in life to another.

Somewhere alone the line the community enbraced the act as a gender.

I am female and always been.

Maybe you are or are not? You answer to answer.

Lots of luck.

Alright, when I read this, it came across as a bit cold to me, not supportive, and enforcing the "gender binary". I am not familiar with the reputation system here, but smiting sounds harsh as well, where discussion could have been a better answer. You must have been upset. Hugs.

We are all a mix of masculine and feminine traits, some physical some mental.  Biology isn't black and white, neither should be gender. We don't have to be one or the other, be yourself. Don't worry about what anybody else thinks. We can help build a better world for us, but we have to fight for it.

Another thing that comes to mind is I have read articles about people with "successful" careers, often feel like they are in out of their depth, that they often feel like they are "faking" it. It's normal to have doubts about just about anything, it is good to be introspective and find your own truth.

De-transition can be hard as well, at this point, If I stopped I would need top surgery. So be careful, don't make any rash decisions, and perhaps talk with your therapist more, as Mrs Izzy suggested.

Hugs to everyone.

ox

[alexbb]

also, 19, 20, 21, its a crazy time! everyone feels ->-bleeped-<-ty and scared quite often! i wasnt ready to do it for real till i was 32.. but i wish id had the gumption when i was 22!!

"Things are hard and not fun. "

pshhaw things can be loads of fun! strutting around in a dress feeling a million bucks with your friends like it aint no thing, please, thats crazy surreal fun of the highest grade.

hey you see Eddy Redmayne is doing a movie about a transgirl back in the day. the first one, in fact. the neil armstrong of ->-bleeped-<-s. between you and me, i think in the more cosmopolitan parts of the world, its rather fashionable right now. this is our time.

[Jessie Ann]

also, 19, 20, 21, its a crazy time! everyone feels ->-bleeped-<-ty and scared quite often! i wasnt ready to do it for real till i was 32.. but i wish id had the gumption when i was 22!!

What she said!  I couldn't even let a psychologist know I had these feelings when I was your age.  What you are doing is remarkable.  A part of me wishes I had been strong enough to face myself back then.  The other part says I wouldn't have all of the life experiences I was able to have if I had.  I can't go back in time and be the person I was ment to be.  I wasn't even strong enough to face myself let alone the whole world. 

If you are who you believe you are then you don't want to be like me looking back and wondering what could have been.  You are lucky enough to live in a time where there is so much help available to you. 

As far as the future is concerned, no one knows what their future is going to be.  I didn't act on so many things that were problems in my life because I thought I was not going to be able to afford it.  I don't know if I would have been better off taking those risks but I do know that by not doing it I have messed up some physical and psychological aspects of my life that no amount of money can fix. 

Like many people your age you are seeing things as absolute in black and white when in fact there are so many variations, variables and different things that can change our circumstances in the blink of an eye.

Talk it over with your counslor and give it all the time you need.  You have been at it for so long and only you can know which is the right path for you.

I wish you all the peace and happiness you can find sister!!

Hugs to you babe!