gay (and bi) trans guys?

[sunshinebird]

this is my first post so i'm sorry if this is in the wrong place...

i'm a bi trans guy with a preference towards men/masculinity and i often feel like i'm not trans enough because i'm not straight/not attracted to women/femininity more. are there any gay/bi trans guys out there? i feel really alone because all the trans guys i know of (save for two) are straight, and i'm starting to wonder if there's something wrong with me...

i'm worried that maybe i'm not actually attracted to men, i'm just envious of their bodies :/

[Cindy]

Hi sunshinebird,


There is no link between gender and sexual preference, plenty of gay men here and straight men and lesbian women and straight women and asexual both.

Hey least of the problems. Now are you in a safe place and getting support? Do you have a therapist who can help you?

Lots of the men will be on soon who can help out.

[sunshinebird]

Hi sunshinebird,


There is no link between gender and sexual preference, plenty of gay men here and straight men and lesbian women and straight women and asexual both.

Hey least of the problems. Now are you in a safe place and getting support? Do you have a therapist who can help you?

Lots of the men will be on soon who can help out.

thank you ^^

i'm nineteen and live with my mom and stepdad and they're supportive but i'm struggling to find a therapist right now

[Tripdistrans]

Hey Sunshinebird,

I'm a trans guy who's not straight. I prefer to just not label my sexuality because I just feel like it's largely irrelevant, the sexuality of a person shouldn't matter unless you're sleeping with them, right? I'm not a stranger to feeling like I'm not trans-enough because of my sexuality, though, although as Cindy said, gender and sexuality are completely unrelated, so (for me) it comes down to the dysphoria of possibly not passing because of it.

I can assure you, however, there are loads of other gay and bi trans guys, as well as every other sexuality under the sun. An Australian research sumary from BeyondBlue on the mental health and well-being of gender diverse and transgender young people in Australia actually shows that 50% of the participants identified as queer and or pansexual compared to only 5% as identifying as heterosexual. Of course, these are just Australia's statistics, but unless we've got something funky fresh in the water, I would say it's a safe assumption that the rest of the world might have a similar outcome.

I'm always happy to help out.

[Cindy]

i'm nineteen and live with my mom and stepdad and they're supportive but i'm struggling to find a therapist right now

Depending where you are some easy ways to find a therapist. Google transgender therapist in your area.

[FriendsCallMeChris]

Weighing in as a trans guy who is definitely attracted to guys.  You are not alone, sunshinebird.

Oh, and I found my therapist through a nearby college psychology department.  The instructor, who is also a therapist, gave a speech at a local LGBT film festival that a friend attended and she told me about him.  Not the usual way to find one at all, but it worked for me.  So, maybe call the nearest college campus psych dept (or campus LGBT Alliance) and ask if they can give you some names to contact. 
Chris

[ForceMustang]

Hey Sunshinebird !
Gay transguy here ! You are SO not alone

[sunshinebird]

it's really comforting to see that i'm not alone in being a queer trans guy. i'm perfectly aware that gender and sexuality are two completely different things, but it's hard sometimes because you hear things like "why do you want to be a boy if you like boys? you'd have an easier time getting a boyfriend if you stayed a girl." and the fact that most visible trans guys are straight.

i've been meaning to talk to my counselor at college, but working has been getting in the way. i need to try to make it a priority

[AndrewB]

'Nother gay trans guy weighing in! I can totally relate with your struggles; not an hour after I came out to my parents did my mom say something like "I think your father would have handled it so much better if you came out as lesbian. That's not to say my parents are monsters, mind you, they just didn't understand at first. There have definitely been people (my Christian boss being one of them) who thought that being trans meant being attracted to women, but my mother (she works at the same place I do, she got me the job) was quick to correct him and debunk that little misconception for him.

[RomeoEcho]

I'll join the "not-straight" crowd too. In a long term relationship with a cis-male partner. I hate that people are more likely to misgender me when we're out together, but he also helps me dress better and taught me where to put my dick and stuff like that and I'm happier with him than I've been with anyone else. You don't have to be straight to be a guy. But it also doesn't mean you can't be confused or worried about it. Cis gay guys do too. But you're certainly not alone.

[CrazyNeko]

Gender identity and sexual orientation are two different things. You can be a transguy and like men. I'm also not straight. I identify as polysexual, because I'm attracted to all genders. But I have a prefference for women and I like guys who look more feminine or androgynous.

[Rachel]

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[Kalex]

Hi, not straight here. 

For a while I forced myself to like girls just because if I am a boy, I had to be straight. But then, with time, I accepted that I like what I like and that's ok. Nobody say that you have to like women because you are a guy. Cis guys have the same problem when they dont know how define themself.  Be happy with who you are because nothing is wrong with you

[FTMax]

I'm dating another transguy, but labels don't jive well with me so I wouldn't call myself gay. I just like what I like. It definitely doesn't make you any less trans.

[Call me Ray]

Hey! Another not-straight trans guy here. For a while I thought I was a straight guy, but am learning that I'm really not. Pretty much bi or pan.

[AbeLane]

Gay transguy here! Totally not alone man. Like everyone's said, gender and sexuality are not the same thing.

Also I just wanted to point out that I sometimes envy other dude's bodies too. But I've heard my straight cismale friends do that too. (I.e. they see a dude with great abs and wish they had abs like that) Just like straight cisfemales will sometimes envy other girls bodies (i.e. wishing they had boobs like someone or something). So if you do that too, don't let it get to ya. It doesn't make you any less of a man, or whatever.

[alexbb]

"Also I just wanted to point out that I sometimes envy other dude's bodies too. But I've heard my straight cismale friends do that too. (I.e. they see a dude with great abs and wish they had abs like that) .... So if you do that too, don't let it get to ya. It doesn't make you any less of a man, or whatever."

haha guys do this ALL THE TIME. and gay guys do it most of all!!  id say it makes you more of a guy.

im going the other way, mtf, so i see muscly ripped dudes and think 'thank god im skinny and not im not like that' .  .. was kind of a clue something might be rotten in denmark for me haha!

i read a book called kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami which features as one of its characters a gay transman who is very cool and rather dashing!

[Tripdistrans]

Might I ask what the story of Kafka on the Shore is about?

[FennecFox]

I'm also a queer transguy and very happy to see that I'm not the only one on the forums here. Almost all of the transmen I know irl are pansexual. I like women but have a very strong preference for men.

[AndrewB]

Might I ask what the story of Kafka on the Shore is about?

Very strange book to explain, but it's basically set in modern-day Japan and follows the interweaving stories of the old and new generations there, the pre- and post-American Intervention eras. It's centered on a runaway boy who goes by Kafka and his escape from an omen (trying not to give away what it is). I read it last year in high school; an odd and graphic read, both sexually and violently, but an interesting take on fairly taboo subject matter (which its author, Haruki Murakami, gave 0 f@$ks about). Sorry to hijack but the lit nerd in me took over!