When were you ready to start dating? . . . Relationship advice needed!

[Zoe Louise Taylor]

Heya

I went out on Friday evening, and ended up meeting this guy, who was really nice! Anyway, i gave him my number, and we've been texting quite a bt.
Im just a bit unsure as to wether im ready to start dating, i feel that i want to be a bit more down the line until i get into a relationship!!!

Have any of you been in this position, and how did you deal with it!!
Do you think i should go on a date with this guy if he asks?

Im confused as he seems to be really sweet, but im just so unsure if im ready to date!!!! :/


Xxx

[FrancisAnn]

It's all very complicated however if I were you I would go out with him, tell him he's nice, be open about everything. Perhaps some chemistry might develop. As they say, you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince. If you do not try I think you will regret it later in life. Go for it GF.

[GothFriendly]

Yeah, you never know when a great life opportunity pops up, just be careful.  I would like to date women so I have other issues.

http://www.tsroadmap.com/early/safety.html

[ImagineKate]

Well it's really when you feel comfortable and with what your ideal type of man/woman sees.

[Lady_Oracle]

When I knew I was in a good place mentally. Dating brings added stress into one's life and being trans is like 10x harder to go through this process of finding someone. I waited until I knew I could handle all of it's ups and downs.

[Sammy]

Actually, about now .
I made several attempts last summer, but was not very decisive about them, so it ended rather with friendship/acquaintance type of relationship. Now, I am more confident with myself, body and voice included, and making another attempt. I have no illusions as to how succesful this might be, because I have seen previous attempts failing and crumpling down due to most unpredictable reasons.
But, of course, usual rules still apply - careful screening to identify creepers and weird types, some extensive exchange of emails before meeting for the first time, which should also take place in public. Probably not giving Your cell-phone number out too soon to avoid him starting to call if You decide to back off and no driving You home after the date, cause he will know then where You are living, etc etc etc

[Sabrina]

It would be nice if I could start dating. But until I move out from my parents house, it's not feasible.

[Katie]

I have to assume you are asking this question as a pre op woman.

I have to ask what do you expect to get from a guy? Guys that are straight want a woman (with matching parts). Guys that don't care about the parts tend to be very creepy or gay!

What I am saying does not go well with dreaming but its based on reality. Are there exceptions? Sure people win the lottery too but then I never play the lottery. Odds are just not acceptable.

Oh and many post op women still have a hard time dating. Turns out a lot of guys don't like to find out their woman used to have boy parts. So I hear.

Katie

[Deinewelt]

I have to assume you are asking this question as a pre op woman.

I have to ask what do you expect to get from a guy? Guys that are straight want a woman (with matching parts). Guys that don't care about the parts tend to be very creepy or gay!

What I am saying does not go well with dreaming but its based on reality. Are there exceptions? Sure people win the lottery too but then I never play the lottery. Odds are just not acceptable.

Oh and many post op women still have a hard time dating. Turns out a lot of guys don't like to find out their woman used to have boy parts. So I hear.

Katie

Okay so you saying you are basically damned either way.

Not every guy is willing to date a trans; however, if they are, it doesn't necessarily make them gay.  I think the problem is guys who are specifically interested in you for  your parts.  If they don't want you because you don't have the all mighty V or they want you because of what you have, then it is probably not a good thing.  So, as a trans-woman, date people who aren't interested in your parts but interested in who you are as a person on the inside.

[Katie]

Like I said there are exceptions................ You want to take that chance be my guest.

[Hikari]

When I felt lonely, I was ready to start again. It was very helpful that I also felt confident in myself as a woman, but ultimately, you are going to be the determining factor, not how others see you. I have encountered a few people who were like "sorry I don't date pre-op transwomen" but, I mean so long as I am up front with my situation down there, I haven't really encountered any real hostility. I do however, date women who tend to be much less insecure than men when it comes to sexuality, so that could be a factor.

[Obfuskatie]

1) Are you ok with possible rejection?  What if it's solely due to your trans status?[emoji35]

2) Ask yourself, "What am I bringing to the table?"  Devotion and loyalty don't countermand depending on the other person for self-worth.  Loneliness doesn't make you ready.  Don't try to find a person that completes you, you need to be complete by yourself before you can have a healthy relationship with another whole person.  Or at least you should be close to it.  If you get into the habit of relying on other people to be happy, they can hurt you a lot more.

3) Do you know what you want in a partner?  Unfortunately part of being trans requires you to be very clear with s/o's at the start, with disclosure.  But you can take this as an advantage to clear the air and make sure you both want the same thing.  If you want a husband/wife and they're not looking for anything serious...if he wants a lot of kids... Etc..  Figure out the relationshipy stuff you are flexible with and be able to discuss this all like its a negotiation rather than a shame-filled confessional.

4) If everything works out, eventually things may get heated, are you ready for sex?  Do you know what you're comfortable doing or exploring?  Do you have an idea how far can you go before GID flares?  It's pretty common to have suicidal thoughts pop up again if you had them before after you are asked to perform sexually in a way you're not comfortable.  Visualization exercises are an excellent way of figuring this out.  Or read a smutty romance novel, or listen to its audiobook.  Know what you are comfortable touching and letting them touch, hand and/or mouth.  Know what you are comfortable letting them see.  Please also practice safe sex, pitching and catching. [emoji56]

5) Do you have a plan to protect your safety?  Unfortunately, not all people are altruistic.  Watch your drink very carefully, coasters and bar napkins are good cues for knowing if it was disturbed, but not foolproof.  If your drink tastes odd, don't be afraid to ask for a new one or switch to water.  Don't drink by yourself.  Leave if they make you uncomfortable.  Rudeness is better than regret.  Be careful giving out your number if it is attached to your home address, there are services that provide address lookup services.  Avoid promptly posting locations and personal details to social media, stalkers are scary and online stalking is very common.  Be alert, aware and careful.  It's fun to lose yourself in others and the moment, but try to remember basic safety.

If you can confidently get through 1-5, you're ready.  Remember, it's ok if you're not ready.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Dodie]

Well,
I will be ready once I have GRS so just over a year.  My plan is to be upfront completely and totally.
There is no way I could ever have a serious relationship with a guy without him knowing where I came from.  I would never hide my past just for him to find out later.
I want to go out with someone who is willing to be with me for who I am.. a girl who used to be trans but was cured..
I am not even worried one bit about finding a dude.. I have a strong fun personality and am very very sure of myself..
I know I will meet someone one day  and it will be a friend of a friend of a friend.. ..most likely will not be a total stranger I meet at some bar.
However, I do plan to go to clubs to play but go home alone.. to many scary dudes out there and I used to know some of them. I don't totally trust dudes..

Dodie

[Dodie]

1) Are you ok with possible rejection?  What if it's solely due to your trans status?[emoji35]

2) Ask yourself, "What am I bringing to the table?"  Devotion and loyalty don't countermand depending on the other person for self-worth.  Loneliness doesn't make you ready.  Don't try to find a person that completes you, you need to be complete by yourself before you can have a healthy relationship with another whole person.  Or at least you should be close to it.  If you get into the habit of relying on other people to be happy, they can hurt you a lot more.

3) Do you know what you want in a partner?  Unfortunately part of being trans requires you to be very clear with s/o's at the start, with disclosure.  But you can take this as an advantage to clear the air and make sure you both want the same thing.  If you want a husband/wife and they're not looking for anything serious...if he wants a lot of kids... Etc..  Figure out the relationshipy stuff you are flexible with and be able to discuss this all like its a negotiation rather than a shame-filled confessional.

4) If everything works out, eventually things may get heated, are you ready for sex?  Do you know what you're comfortable doing or exploring?  Do you have an idea how far can you go before GID flares?  It's pretty common to have suicidal thoughts pop up again if you had them before after you are asked to perform sexually in a way you're not comfortable.  Visualization exercises are an excellent way of figuring this out.  Or read a smutty romance novel, or listen to its audiobook.  Know what you are comfortable touching and letting them touch, hand and/or mouth.  Know what you are comfortable letting them see.  Please also practice safe sex, pitching and catching. [emoji56]

5) Do you have a plan to protect your safety?  Unfortunately, not all people are altruistic.  Watch your drink very carefully, coasters and bar napkins are good cues for knowing if it was disturbed, but not foolproof.  If your drink tastes odd, don't be afraid to ask for a new one or switch to water.  Don't drink by yourself.  Leave if they make you uncomfortable.  Rudeness is better than regret.  Be careful giving out your number if it is attached to your home address, there are services that provide address lookup services.  Avoid promptly posting locations and personal details to social media, stalkers are scary and online stalking is very common.  Be alert, aware and careful.  It's fun to lose yourself in others and the moment, but try to remember basic safety.

If you can confidently get through 1-5, you're ready.  Remember, it's ok if you're not ready.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Katie wow such a perfect post answer to the question well thought out..  and the watch what you drink thing so true.. I am pretty sure I have been slipped something but had friends help me home..
Dodie

[Obfuskatie]

Katie wow such a perfect post answer to the question well thought out..  and the watch what you drink thing so true.. I am pretty sure I have been slipped something but had friends help me home..
Dodie

Ty [emoji4]
I've been thinking about this a lot recently.  Well... Does fantasizing count as thinking?
But srsly though... Be safe out there.  Sometimes you may end up with the wrong person, but having a plan and following through with it will help.  As much as I hate this aphorism; sometimes you have to go through a bad relationship to learn what you want and don't want.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[herekitten]

I was dating when I was in high school. I remember thinking that no one would ever want someone with my nonconformity.  I've been married twice and (the second is definitely my last and everything) and dated in between.  My only advice to you is to just be "You". If you feel it necessary to disclose the medical situation between your legs, then do so when you feel it is the right time and the right person. Above all, have fun meeting new people, enjoy yourself and make the best of it.  Don't overthink it. Before I forget -- be careful as well! as I would tell any girlfriend of mine whether cis or not.
By the way, I am preop and mid-50's now.  ((Hugs))