Like Jerri, the duality of going to work male and being myself outside work was too much.
I just went into HR one day, popped down and asked what the corporate policy was on transgender and if there was any threat to a person's job if they presented other than their assigned birth gender. My company had no trans* out, and the diversity policy made no mention of gender identity or expression. The HR girl understood that I was talking about myself, although I avoided that because I did not want to be let go from my job (ours is a traditional, private company of about 1700 employees). She consulted the HR VP and came back with their position on it; they wanted to be fully supportive.
So, I met with her again, came out to her, and basically got the go ahead to dress how I want and use w/e restroom I felt comfortable in. They even designated the first gender non-specific single occupancy bathroom for me.
HR then did something I was a bit take aback by: They called my bosses in and outed me to them! They were intending to prevent any discrimination toward me by them, but still! So, my boss had a chat with me, and she was awesome about it. She said HR wanted to call everyone in from my department one by one and explain to them the corporate expectations toward trans* and the respect of the diversity policy.
So, they basically fully accepted my coming out, supported it with changes in the corp., outed me to my bosses, then had a little chat with all of the people in my department about respecting my decision. And, they have been nothing but supportive since. Every once in a while I will get a call from the girl in HR and she will ask if anyone has mistreated me in any way, or even said anything to me about being in the ladies room. She keeps telling me that if I experience anything ill intended to contact her immediately.
The only thing they will NOT accommodate for me is removal of the specific exclusion in our medical coverage for "sex transformation operations and related services". argh!
-Ainsley