a shy hello :P

[igatun]

umm, hiya,
I figured I should introduce myself here... Although perhaps this is less an introduction and just a dumping of thoughts that have been constantly running through my head for a while... (I'm not quite sure if this is the right place to be posting this, but... here you go..)

To start, I guess I should disclose that I am dfab. I've never felt comfortable identifying as such and the physical aspects of it are extremely discomforting and wrong for me.
But, I'm really striving to sort myself and my identity out still. Everything is confusing and I am unsure of a lot of things. I think I've known for pretty much the entire time that I've had a concept of gender that I am not female, but I had an epiphany of sorts a few months ago where I realized that being trans might apply to me. (before then, I knew that trans individuals existed, but never thought it could actually apply to me, if that makes sense.)  But I'm worried that this might just 'be a phase,' or that if I start transitioning, I'll regret it (which doesn't really make a lot of logical sense because I can't imagine that living as a male would be more uncomfortable...) I also don't know how I fit in socially. I have a lot of trouble making friends (or even just talking to people at all.) I feel like my personality isn't really 'masculine' because I'm extremely shy (which I know is very silly, but I can't help but feel that...)
At this point, I really, really want to transition. I want to be authentic to myself, to be confident, to love who I am. And I just can't see that happening as the 'female' me.
I think mostly, I am terrified of taking the next steps. I have some amount of social anxiety, so actually talking about this is really difficult for me, but I also know that if I don't talk about it, I won't be able to move forward. So I'm sort of stuck right now until I learn how to speak

Hm... so, I guess that's sort of where I'm at right now. (I'm just going to post this rambling before I chicken out and hope it makes some sort of sense...)

[LostInMyself]

Hi there, I'm new to this site to and as you I am accepting/knowing I want to do this. But hey we both took a step to what seems a huge cliff dive. I am a Guy, so hopefully that doesn't bug you, but hey if you need an ear or something hit me up. Cheers to the first step honestly, I feel better now that I have taking it.

[Jen72]

First of I am male at birth and like you was always shy understand that and it has nothing to do with gender or I think. Have similar thoughts as far as I can tell just in reverse har har. Even if you don't feel comfortable posting much that's fine but there is a lot of information here and really a lot of nice and friendly people that wont judge you for being you. Still really in the figuring it out stage too:)

Hopefully with the information and people here you will find out where you fit and or what to do next:)

[mrs izzy]

Igatun,
Welcome to Susan's family.
So many topics to explore and posts to read or write.
Many article of news, wiki, links and chat
Take some time and read over the links for the site rules.
Each link holds it own section.

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation rules
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines
  
• Photo , avatars, and signature images policy
  

Safe passage on your path.
Je suis un être humain,
Hugs
[/quote]

[Ms Grace]

Hi! Welcome to the forum!

I think mostly, I am terrified of taking the next steps. I have some amount of social anxiety, so actually talking about this is really difficult for me, but I also know that if I don't talk about it, I won't be able to move forward. So I'm sort of stuck right now until I learn how to speak

Don't worry, these things will all come in good time.

[V M]

Hi Igatun 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[Devlyn]

Hi Igatun, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm from Boston. You aren't the first person to push the post button at arms length and run away from the keyboard, believe me! Glad you're here, though. Instead of transitioning now, look at it as living as your true self from here forward, and if that leads to transition, so be it.  See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

[igatun]

Oh, wow, thanks for all the kind replies! You all are so nice!

First of I am male at birth and like you was always shy understand that and it has nothing to do with gender or I think. Have similar thoughts as far as I can tell just in reverse har har. Even if you don't feel comfortable posting much that's fine but there is a lot of information here and really a lot of nice and friendly people that wont judge you for being you. Still really in the figuring it out stage too:)

Hopefully with the information and people here you will find out where you fit and or what to do next:)

Yes, I do realize that this is a 110% ridiculous thing to think (of course shyness has nothing to do with gender), but my brain is a little ridiculous sometimes most of the time.

Hi Igatun, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm from Boston. You aren't the first person to push the post button at arms length and run away from the keyboard, believe me! Glad you're here, though. Instead of transitioning now, look at it as living as your true self from here forward, and if that leads to transition, so be it.  See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

Hello! I'm also from the north east (but a little more north )

[sam1234]

igantan,
welcome. I'm glad you found this forum. I just started here a couple months ago and all the people are nice and respectful regardless of whether you are confused or certain. They have helped me with things the rest of the world never had to deal with, and I hope you find that to be true for yourself.

I can understand why you are so fearful. Transitioning is a life changing thing, and its not uncommon to struggle with what to do about it. See if there is a good support group where you are as they can help you find Dr.s and endocrinologists in your area.

sam1234

[igatun]

igantan,
welcome. I'm glad you found this forum. I just started here a couple months ago and all the people are nice and respectful regardless of whether you are confused or certain. They have helped me with things the rest of the world never had to deal with, and I hope you find that to be true for yourself.

I can understand why you are so fearful. Transitioning is a life changing thing, and its not uncommon to struggle with what to do about it. See if there is a good support group where you are as they can help you find Dr.s and endocrinologists in your area.

sam1234

ah, thanks!
I know that there's a group at my university, but actually getting up the courage to go to that might take a while

[Jen72]

I don't know If this will help but like I said  I was shy still am but a lot less then when I was younger. I know it isn't easy to get over that shyness it really takes time and effort but from what I am seeing you are taking a step out of your shell don't worry the support here is great and sure it will help open you up. My self I wish I wasn't so damn shy I would have probably dealt with this long ago but I get the sense that you are much younger and honestly more forthcoming then you give yourself credit for:)

Just remember this its up to you and your own pace to over come your shyness well and being transgender too. Try not to dwell on the things that make you shy too much and look for things that will make your future brighter and in time that shyness will fade as your confidence grows. Truthfully I know I will never be totally not shy just who I am and that's fine but who knows maybe with a transition I just might have some confidence and that shyness will die:) They do tend to counter each other I hope you find your confidence and like I said I think you have more then you think. Sounds corny as hell but believe in yourself and with that things will look brighter.