Hey Girls need advice on staying stealth or going public

[Dodie]

So here is the deal.
I am comfy with who I am. No shame and I am getting stronger every day.  I know the truth and have amazing family support.. I am truly blessed.
Anyway, Its time for me to decide if I want to go public.  If I do, there is a good chance it will hit news in my area.  I graduated High School with 970 folks and was a well known athlete.. and I have a ton of facebook friends.
If I stay stealth that is not helping the cause for others that come after me.. If I go public.. I will be known as a trans person everywhere I go.
I changed so much no one knows who I am..
I was so tempted to make a major announcement on facebook and start a new page of the new me.. but always leave the old page up.
So,I know I can't go on being the male dude on facebook.. I see no point in pretending to be someone I am not.
If I start a new page would like to use my real name and give my history, telling the story and the truth...
The good thing would be again finding out who your real friends are on facebook.. I am sure I will weed the ones who are haters out pretty quick and shock the crap out of some of them..
Just looking for thoughts on this or options maybe I have not thought of.
Dodie

[Isabelle]

I don't understand. Are you stealth or are you in the closet?

[ImagineKate]

Honestly that is a tough call.

Are you prepared to deal with people who don't view you as yourself?

And remember that "stealth" is not binary. You can have different degrees of stealth.

[Isabelle]

Correct me if I'm wrong but it seems you're saying you aren't full time yet and are thinking about it? If this is the case, personally I wouldn't worry too much about being all "public" for the benefit of others just yet. Just focus on you for a while. As for facebook announcements, just quietly close your old account down and add friends as you make them. In my experience, no one actually cares if you're trans. A few of my friends know about my past, they also know not to talk about it to me or tell others about it. I found out once that a girl had outed me to someone. She said "so what, its true" So, I told people she had genital herpes, then told her. I said "so what, its true" (it is true, she has herpes)  People don't out me any more... magic.
My point is, just worry about you and what makes you happy, don't worry about social networks and 970 people from a school you'll most likely have nothing to do with for the rest of your life.

[AbbyKat]

I'm confused.  If you have a ton of people you know who don't have any idea you have transitioned... are they wondering where you went?  I mean, are you going to end up seeing the boy-mode pictures of you on milk cartons?

It seems like you'll eventually have to tell some folks something, anyway.  Otherwise, people are going to start visiting your house to see who this strange woman is and what she did to their friend.

[AbbyKat]

I found out once that a girl had outed me to someone. She said "so what, its true" So, I told people she had genital herpes, then told her. I said "so what, its true" (it is true, she has herpes)  People don't out me any more... magic.

I'm still giggling over this.  Awesome.

[Dodie]

Ok I am full time all the time stealth with general public
No one when I am out knows I am trans
I pass
I can't even consider going out as a male
I suppose what I am saying is that if I come out publicly everyone I knew from school will know
Right now only folks I deal with daily know
A few customers and entire famy and all close friends
If I go public the news media will most likely show up at my door
I want to help others and considering going public.
Like I said I am well known.
Everyone in family and friends are like so when are u starting a new Facebook page
Most are excited for me to do that
But u know how Facebook is some real friends but most I will never see
Stealth to me is what I am doing now
Presenting female going out knowing if an old coach or media person see me they have no idea who I am
If I go public and it hits tv I help many more folks
I have also been looked at for a reality thing that will be good for trans folks
I have come a long way since just over a year ago I was a boy and if someone found out I would have put a gun to my head
Now I am so happy to just be me with nothing to hide
I suppose I just answered my own question I should go public
I think
Dodie

[marsh monster]

Honestly, if you have kids, I'd avoid going all public. You don't really owe the community in a way that should call for you potentially harming yourself down the road. You should take any family, especially kids, into consideration with this too. Just start a new FB, invite people you like and know now, don't worry about the rest. Stuff like this does get around, but sooner or later, most will lose interest in talking about it. Just time to live your life and enjoy, I'd say.

[Ms Grace]

When I transitioned i chose to be public and open about it. I figured there was no point in pretending otherwise. Just changed my name and gender marker in FB and made a general announcement. Got great support, but then I only have direct friends and colleagues as FB friends anyway. I came out at work, got great support, but I had great open minded colleagues. I had a bit of a profile through work with the wider sector, so I put a small article about my transition in the company newsletter - that way I could be relaxed and open about it, rather than awkward, if I met up with others who had known me later. That actually worked a treat, the amount of support I received was awesome. Told the readers of my webcomic in a public announcement, got the most comments to any post I'd ever made, over 100... all of them positive and supportive. But now all the outing is over, I'm just getting on with my life as Grace. I'm not trying to be stealth but neither am I wearing being trans like a big neon sign... I'm just being Grace.

I guess a lot of it depends on the people you know, associate with, have a history with. If they are closed minded haters, I guess I'd be not bothering to tell them. Chances are they'd find out anyway - the "OMG did you hear that X is now a woman" grapevine catches fire with the slightest spark, believe me. If your friends, etc are open minded and progressive then maybe there's no issue. It is a tough call.

[Hikari]

I try not to talk about being trans unless directly questioned about something, so lots of people don't know that I am, but I made a new facebook and then messaged everyone who I actually cared to be friends with still and told them basically this is what is up and I am not going to post on the old male name facebook because that isn't who I am, and Honestly it just didn't seem like a big deal. I do live in a place were there are plenty of other transpeople in the metro area so maybe that is it. I didn't lose anything by being open about it, but I wasn't about to go make public announcements either, because if you aren't a friend enough for me to tell you directly then you just don't matter to me.

[suzifrommd]

I don't come out to people I just meet, but all of my friends and coworkers know. I try to be an activist in the community, so my status is not a secret.

I find it is not hard to get people to accept me as a woman. People who know that I'm trans, still forget that I wasn't always living as a female.

[jessical]

If I go public the news media will most likely show up at my door

Presenting female going out knowing if an old coach or media person see me they have no idea who I am
If I go public and it hits tv I help many more folks
I have also been looked at for a reality thing that will be good for trans folks

Hmmm, well that makes me think you are well known.  If that's the case I completely understand the caution.  It would be a tricky thing.  If you are not "famous" then I would not worry so much about being picked up by the media.

I am not well known, so for me I don't tell people I just meet, or are not close.  Only people close to me know.  It's a happy balance for me and I don't consider that stealth.