What stops you passing?

[WarGrowlmon1990]

I picked breasts cause I'm a DD, but there are other factors: my height, my hourglass figure, my softer facial features, my voice.

[Michelle_P]

Why don't I pass?  Practice.  Practice, and more practice is needed.  It'll take years to purge all the mail cultural cues and gestures and condition in replacements that ciswomen are immersed in from birth.  I have to soak up what a child absorbed over a couple decades.  (No, it's not all genetically preprogrammed!  How many American women understand the proper way to wear a sari, or when to wear a fukuro, hanhaba, or sakiori obi?  Much 'femininity' is culture-specific and absorbed by ciswomen in childhood.)

Honest to gosh, body form and face aren't nearly as important as how you wear it.  There are lots of pretty men, handsome women, and other less flattering variations. Women with more facial hair than my male body could produce.  Men with huge breasts.  Endless variety... 

  Voice?  Maybe.  But old women who were lifetime smokers still pass as women in spite of that raspy bass voice.  Male sopranos don't lose their man card.  It's not pitch, it's the cultural conventions.  The "Um" at the start of sentences.  The "squeak" of rising pitch at the end of a statement. Terse replys.  Use of more assertive language, and clipped delivery.  Certain singsong rhythms in the voice that we absorb in childhood.

[KathyLauren]

I said voice.  My shoulders are broad for a woman, but not terribly so, and my rib cage is pretty wide, but it can be hidden in drapy clothes.  My male pattern baldness will have to be covered with a wig, but that is do-able.  It is going to be my voice that gives me away.  I should really be looking for a voice coach right now to get started on that.

[WolfNightV4X1]

Other-

Turns out I do pass in a way...maybe for a young person. My biggest obstacle is people who know my sex calling me the wrong pronoun and name around others

[ainsley]

OK, Dr. Haben took my voice to a passing pitch.  Have not been misgendered since the surgery in May.  Now, it is just the typical testosterone poisoning of my face that remains...jaw, lip, forehead.  Not bad, but critical me can see it.

[Tossu-sama]

I believe I pass pretty much all the time these days but when I didn't it was usually due to my voice. I looked (and still look) like a young boy but alas, my voice ruined even that.

But yeah, I still get mistaken for lot younger than I actually am and people are usually pretty surprised to learn that I'm not a teenager anymore. But it's still passing!

[arice]

I can't vote from my phone.
The biggest thing that keeps me from passing are my breasts. They are too big to get fully flat with a binder. The other thing that keeps me from passing is the two short people who accompany me everywhere saying "mom" every 30 seconds...

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[Thea]

I picked voice. I can control most other factors, but if I could have picked two things, I would have added my HUGE adam's apple. In winter I can wear scarves and turtle-necks but summer it's just too hot.

[Heita]

I definitely think it's breasts. I have a B cup and it's there. I'm going to slim down quite a bit and develop some muscle, so that it's going to improve. But I am annoyed at the whole boobs thing. I don't want a flat-flat-flat chest but something like pecs for sure. A little andro touch, if you like.

Other than that, I have some natural broad shoulders that unfortunately gets the spotlight taken away by a pear-shaped something. Workout, here I come!

My face is ok, I wouldn't want facial hair anyway and I'm told I have an elegant face. With more definition I would love to get the high cheekbones to stand out more, but I think I can pass with this one.

Voice, it's a silly thing. I can totally pass if I want to, but sometimes people are freaked out so I go for an airy voice that I hate. I'm a trained singer, so I damn know when I'm doing things wrong. Once I asked about how I sound when I don't think about my voice, and the answer was something like "I can't place you M or F".

Height is 5'5" so I'm on the short side of things but I have learned to spot short guys around me and there are many. And I'm more agile than those 6' gods!

Head hair stay where they are, in their natural dark ash blonde glory.

So yes it's boobs. 

[SadieBlake]

Checked "head hair" or lack of it. I'm almost certainly never going to go for hair transplant and doubt I have enough follicles to manage anyhow.

Facial hair is right up there, I don't have the money/time for electrolysis or even laser. The last time I shaved off my beard was in 2000 and I didn't much like the results and so I'm also more inclined to have a face I find attractive than one that's passable.

Passing full time would therefore require shaving daily and daily makeup application and a wig. That's absolutely out of the question for days I work blowing glass, swim, bike or run.

Then there would be being 5'11" and quite muscular  as well as all the body hair that 7 months of higher than normal-female estrogen levels / nil testosterone hasn't touched.

So I'm aiming for genderqueer and gradually shifting clothing and appearance to more femme.

Gotta start working on voice.

[Michelle_P]

Sadie, just a quick note on hair.   Right now my male hair is cut short, a half inch to an inch, which makes the wigs cooler.  For full time, once electrolysis has me de-furred and HRT has had a chance to work, the plan is to just shave the head of the remaining hair (Norwood Type 6, buzz the fringe and wax the top... ), and when working out just go with a scarf, cap, or bare.  Same approach as folks with medical hair loss take, basically.

Just another possibility to consider.

[V]

I voted voice, as I think that's the main problem with me passing.
My fella has been able to observe the reactions of others to me when they don't know we're an item, and he's said it's been my Adam's Apple.
I would really like to ask people, when I get clocked, what it was that 'outed' me, but I never feel confident to do that, and I'm not sure it would end well anyway.
I'm also very self-conscious about my broad flat shoulders, small breasts in relation to my shoulders, no real waist shape and narrow hips which all go to creating a not very feminine shape. I have to dress creatively, but then that often means not wearing the things I really want to 
My hair is also another bugbear, and I'm sure it has caused people to give me a second look, and then look closer for other signs. The one downside to all the media attention that trans people are getting now is that the general public are more informed about giveaway cues to spotting trans people.
I think my best feminine assets are my hands and bum.

[SadieBlake]

Sadie, just a quick note on hair.   Right now my male hair is cut short, a half inch to an inch, which makes the wigs cooler. 

Good points Michelle, I appreciate. The thing is, having now gotten my hair to shoulder-length (it took about 9 months) and able to tie-back into a ponytail without too many annoying stray bits flying free, that's enough added heat. The tying back certainly helps a lot and I don't want to ever go back to that in-between length.

Perhaps I didn't adequately describe the context.

Imagine riding 50, 100, 150 miles on a bike going fast in hot weather, or doing hard physical work for 6-8 hours - sometimes as much as 10 or 12 - in front of a 2000 degree furnace. In those circumstances I sweat **profusely** think upwards of 2+ lbs of water per hour so 3 gallons or more over the course of a day, finishing the day literally caked in salt. Yes, removing natural hair will make the wig less hot but the wig is *always* going to be hotter than natural hair, let alone a layer of hair + a wig (to say nothing of the damage to the wig itself).

Now sure I could remove a wig for that period, I guess presenting something like a consistent image is more important to me than the actual act of passing.

Thanks, for the ideas and I get that there are ways to make it more tolerable, I think it remains 'a bridge too far' for me.

[Platzhalter]

My voice, especially since I try to be as reserved as possible for various reasons, which often doesn't help with the voice.

[xchrisx]

For me, I think it's my chest size (I'm FtM, E/F-cup depending on shop), as the main reason. I bind safely, but I can never get it flat enough to look how I want it too. I wear lose shirts, which helps a little, but people do still often notice.

I also... have a very soft, child-like face, which doesn't help. If I'm out with my Mum, I often get mistaken for a young teenager (I'm 200.

And all this time -at 46- I thought I was the oldest FTM here

If I'm not mindful, I will get ma'am-ed on the phone. I've always hated talking on the phone anyway for other reasons so I just avoid it!

[JayceeTG]

I am just too bulky and masculine and everytime I try on a dress or something feminine I just don't look right or perhaps I just need to wear plus size clothes that fit more comfortably for my body size, I just don't know where to go to find plus size clothes that peak my interest, it seems like the better clothes cater to non plus sized gals.

[Jin]

For many years I could pass with a minimum of effort. Then the years caught up with me. Got fat and hairy. Now I seldom try to pass, I just go out as a man wearing feminine style clothing. And I am way past the point in my life where I give a rat's elbow what anyone else thinks.

I know some people stress over what others think, but life is too long to live like that!

[VickyMI]

My voice on the phone.  I have to really concentrate talking on the phone. I have worked on my voice a lot but it requires constant practice. Since I am not full time my practice time is very limited.

[Ryuichi13]

And all this time -at 46- I thought I was the oldest FTM here

If I'm not mindful, I will get ma'am-ed on the phone. I've always hated talking on the phone anyway for other reasons so I just avoid it!

Nope, I'm 55 and just starting my transitioning!

For me its my face.  I have a very oval, babyish face that runs in my family for both the men and women.  Since I don't have much facial hair yet (7 months on T), I still get clocked.  I DO have a deep voice, and I've almost always had a male gait and stance, but people look at my face and go "female." [emoji17]

Second is my voice while on the phone.  I think that people hear a "three pack a day, 30 year smoker" instead of a male voice.  Idunno.

Ryuichi

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[Rachel_Christina]

I think I pass pretty much on my physical appearance, its my voice that gets me nailed every time, it's horrible
Oh and sometimes I will just in general be way to nervous and I think people can get to looking more than normal because of it :/