new user

[jessica.lee.clayton]

hey this is my first ever forum... i am gonna be complelty honest and blunt...please pardon my spelling im bad ^_^ please pardon me for the length of this story...
right gonna start... im now a 23 year old man who is trans i live with my female partner and i have a 2 year old daugther... we are okay.. had are problems last few years but are okay.... my partner knows i am trans.... but cant deal with it full time as she says she feel inlove with me as a man... but she will let me wear her clothes around the house as long as not to femine.... i stuck what to do ......
the biggest problem for me is when i was a child i was caught playing with my mum make up and my parents tied me to the kitchen chair and put make up on me like a girl and said " boys not wear make up your not a girl... do u wanna me a little girl.." and took a pic of me. i was 5 and scaried out of my wits....my parents then made me sit in the living room all night like this.... my parents then for the rest of my childhood said that if i was naught they would show the pic to the bullies at school... my dad would call me jane if i cried at all as well " why jane crying" " ooo look janes crying" i hated my chldhood.... i was bulled by partners and bullies... i enclosed my trans though till the last year... i rember as a child been able to be a girl and the have to be a boy again when my partner came in....
my friend came to me a year ago and said " hey you remebr this person" ( not mentioning names) anyway my friend said they have been come out as trans .... something clicked in my mind...i remeber stufff... i rember telling my nanna i felt like a girl... etc so i struggled with this for the last year told my mate,,,, then told my partner and she was okay... then changed her mine.. i stuck who to me and what to do and if anyone can help... sorry for the long story... just wanted you to get the best picture of my situtation... thanks

[LordKAT]

Hi Jessica, welcome to Susan's.

Your child hood sounds incredibly stressful and is abuse. I understand that English isn't your native language. I think there are some places where you wrote partners and meant parents.

A good start for you would be to see if you can talk to a gender therapist. They can help sort through your feelings, deal with the past abuse, and guide you as you go forward.

I'm glad your here as there is a wealth of information here and many friends to be made.

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[jessica.lee.clayton]

hey thank you i am english i am dyslexic ( google searched) lol sorry  and thank you the problem i have is my partner isnt happy with me going to see someone... and if i did and i finaly did want to move forward i would lose my family most friends...my parents would complelty go and i would have nothing ...

[TracyCakes]

I am not a therapist or professional in anyway, but it sounds like you really should try to follow Kat's advise and see a professional in this area.  I think most people here will agree that there are no right or wrong paths, or one size fits all answers.  It may take years to sort through all of the issues.  Nice thing is that your 23 and looking for help now because, from personal experience and reading many similar stories, this is not an issue that magically disappears over time.  I'm confident that others here will have some really good insight and thoughts for you to consider.  Good luck!!     

[Athena]

Hi Jessica welcome to Susan's.

[jessica.lee.clayton]

thanks for your advice much appericated... it just hard to make decsions as everyone i think of one it has a bad ending
does anyone know where to go to a therapist in the uk,should i go to may gp?

[sam1234]

On man! I can't imagine growing up with that. You must be an incredibly strong person. That could easily make a person non functional. You got through it though, and you can get through the situation you are in too.
Don't worry about being dyslexic. Your thread was understandable. I won't comment on spelling. Mine is terrible.

I agree that you should seek some sort of counselling to help you overcome the after effects of your upbringing and the situation you are in now.

Since you are the same person inside whether you are in a male body or a female body, is your partner having more of a problem with wanting you to have a male body? Depending how important sex is to her and having a partner who has a penis, I could see where that might cause a problem. If you both want to stay together, you may want to consider counselling for both of you so you can work this out with a mediator who has no stake in the outcome. Its always difficult when there is a child involved. I have a son who went with my ex when we got divorced (she decided that a trans guy wasn't really a guy). Fortunately he was just under three when we divorced and doesn't remember it. He doesn't know as far as I know, my ex won't tell me. The important thing is to just let the child know you love him or her regardless of what you and your partner decide.

I'm glad you found your way to this forum. Hopefully it will give you a safe place to  throw out your feelings and problems and get feedback and support.

sam1234