Hello from the frozen tundra (New England)!

[Clever]

Hi everyone. My nickname's Clever (or Clev), and I'm only about a year and a half into my journey of gender discovery.

I'm 38 years old and (okay, I'm scared, but I'm gonna write it) deep within myself I identify as male. I'm very very very much in the closet IRL, and that doesn't look like it will be changing until all of my family has passed on. I'm married to a man who refuses to believe or accept my gender identity, and is hoping it's all "just a phase." It kind of sucks.

I live in New England and I'm a rookie EMT and an educator.

Aaaanyway, hello to everyone. I'm happy to meet you folks.

[gennee]

Hello Clever and welcome to Susan's.

[Athena]

Hi Clever welcome to Susan's

[Clever]

Thank you for the greetings, gennee and White Rabbit

[V M]

Hi Clever 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Here's a few quick links to help you along

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Hugs

V M

[Myarkstir]

Hey!

Welcome to Susan's

[Clever]

Hi VM and Myarkstir--thanks for the greeting and for the information

[mrs izzy]

Clever
Welcome to Susan's Family
If we live all our life to make everyone around us happy,  then who is making you Happy?
I would get some therapist help in keeping some reality in your life.
So many topics to explore and posts to read or write.
Many article of news, wiki, links ,minecraft and chat
Lots of hugs and safe passage on your path.
Je suis un être humain, Popcorn?
Hugs

[Clever]

Thank you for the comment, mrs. izzy You must have read my mind! I've actually just started going to a therapist within the last few weeks--it's been a great experience so far, just being able to talk about all this stuff I've been keeping to myself. Opening up about everything to my therapist wasn't easy, but I'm hopeful it'll continue to be as useful as it's already been.

[adrian]

Hey Clever,

ha, you sound a bit like my twin (with the only difference I started coming out to my family). I'll turn 39 next week and have a husband of 15 years struggling with my gender identity. I'm in Germany, but I love New England! I spent some time in Pioneer Valley and in Boston. Fond memories!

Great to have you here!

[Clever]

Hey Adrian!

Oh wow, I'm so relieved I'm not the only one dealing with a non-supportive husband. I hear a lot about navigating relationships from the POV of trans women, but not so much from trans guys who have a cis male partner. Makes me feel a little less alone, that's for sure.

I went to school out in the Pioneer Valley and it's still one of my favorite places on the planet. I grew up a little north of Boston, too.

Thanks so much for reaching out!

[adrian]

I get the impression that statistically, as transmen married to / in a relationship with straight cis guys, we probably are a minority in the trans* community. But we are not alone! I started a thread a while back ("FTMs with straight husbands" or something along those lines). There were some very positive stories shared on the thread, so there's always hope .

[Clever]

I'm digging around looking for the thread you mentioned--thanks for that!

I'm not sure if the relationship will last, and that makes me sad. It's made a lot trickier because I'm the sole breadwinner in our house. I support him financially, so without me, I don't know what he'll do. It also makes me worried that he'll stick around for the wrong reasons.

But I keep reminding myself that I've just got to let this play out, and no amount of turning it around and around in my brain will change things or make them easier, ya know?

It's kinda cool though to think we're a 'rare breed'

[adrian]

I'm digging around looking for the thread you mentioned--thanks for that!

I'm not sure if the relationship will last, and that makes me sad. It's made a lot trickier because I'm the sole breadwinner in our house. I support him financially, so without me, I don't know what he'll do. It also makes me worried that he'll stick around for the wrong reasons.

But I keep reminding myself that I've just got to let this play out, and no amount of turning it around and around in my brain will change things or make them easier, ya know?

It's kinda cool though to think we're a 'rare breed'

I'd link to the thread, but it's a pain to find while I'm using my mobile I can look for it when I'm home.

I'm only very slowly accepting that my relationship will likely not last. But with the help of my therapist I'm getting to a place where I think I'll be OK eventually, even if we separated. I'm taking one step at a time though...slooooow.

Edit: Found the thread -- https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,172931.msg1515640.html#msg1515640 I'll add a warning, not just happy stuff in there (a lot of whining from me). I think I should update it again some time soon.

[Clever]

Thanks for finding that thread, Adrian! Digging into it now...

[MelissaAnn]

Hi Clever,
A big warm welcome to Susan's Place. It's always a pleasure to welcome another brother to our ever growing family. There are many warm and friendly people here that either are or have gone through the same feelings you are. There are some woderful resources available here. Everything is right at your finger tips so pull up a chair, relax and let your fingers do the walking. Anyone that wants you to be miserable for there happiness doesn't belong in your life in the first place. I look forward to seeing you around the forums and getting to know you.... I wish you nothing but the best of luck on your journey and may the Angels always look upon you and guide you on your path.

Much Love,

Melissa Ann

[Clever]

Hi Melissa Ann,

Thank you so much for such a kind introduction!  I feel very welcomed and lucky to have already met all you great people. Thank you for your support and kindness.