Coming out question

[Evander]

Hey totally new here! Started my transition 3 months ago but have only just come out to my family a couple of weeks ago. Everybody was totally stunned but seem accepting of it. Except one person-my mother.  I know its going to be hard for her to accept but i wasnt expecting the reaction i got. She thinks i am disrespecting everybody and that i should of just kept my feelings hidden as she doesnt want to have to explain to all her neighbours and friends what is going on!

Yesterday she said she had a lot of questions for me which i am only to happy to answer, but i said i wasnt willing to answer questions about surgeries as its too personal for me to talk about right now and as i am only at the beginning of my transition i am only wanting her to call me by my new name and male pronouns at the moment. Unfortunately she thinks i am being unfair and shouldnt be drawing a line of what she can ask questions about and that i should be telling her everything about what surgeries i want. But its just not something i want to talk about with her as i just find it too personal and i cant trust who she would tell about it.

Am i right for standing my ground about not wanting to talk about surgery or should i be more open in the hope it would get her more accpeting of me?

[Cindy]

Hi Evander and welcome to Susan's

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Parents can take quite a while to get use to the idea that their child is trans. We just need to keep explaining and take it slowly

Welcome young man!

[V M]

Hi Evander 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[Ms Grace]

Hi! Welcome to the forum! I'll second what Cindy said, it takes a while for parents to come around. The process can be as difficult for them as transition is for us. You don't need to talk about surgery, if it isn't in your current plans it makes it pretty hard to discuss after all.

[Myarkstir]

Hey!

Welcome to Susan's

[Laura_7]

Hello and welcome *hugs*

You could have a look here for a few thoughts that might help:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,184920.msg1644403.html#msg1644403

I'd say take the time you need... its a process, but many have gone it before and succeeded, and people here will try to support you.

Concerning neighbors, well there are many transgender people now... and people are becoming more and more versatile, some women being more assertive and some wearing mens clothes... men showing emotions... its not like she grew up... and there might be other transgender people at your schools gsa or at college, for example...

well you might explain it... and ask her to support you, if you had a physical ailment she would help you, too...

Well concerning surgeries I'd save that up for later... saying you want to do now what is possible... but its up to you...

its hard to tell how she might react...


hugs

[Athena]

Hi Evander welcome to Susan's. Personally I think that if you are uncomfortable with talking about the surgeries you want I don't think that you should have to. Being early on in your transition, you may change what you want for surgeries as you become more comfortable with your body.

[MelissaAnn]

Hi Evander,
A big warm welcome to Susan's Place. It's always a pleasure to welcome another brother to our ever growing family. There are many warm and friendly people here that either are or have gone through the very same feelings you are. There are some woderful resources available here. Everything is right at your finger tips so pull up a chair, relax and let your fingers do the walking. I'm sorry you're having trouble with your mom. Over time hopefully she'll come around. I do look forward to seeing you around the firums and wish you nothing but the best of luck on your journey. May the Angels alway look upon you and help guide you on your path.

Much Love,

Melissa Ann

[FTMax]

Personally, I took the approach that no questions were off limits with immediate family and close friends, as I'll likely be relying on them for care post-op. Everyone has been very accepting of my transition, and I think my parents feel better knowing what my plans are.