Anyone else feel like people are just gendering you correctly to be nice?

[Ellesmira the Duck]

I often wonder this as well, its rare for me to get male pronouns from strangers but I always wonder if they can tell and just kind of go with it anyways. I was at the baptism of two of my siblings a couple weeks ago, and this is a church I went to as a child but havent been involved in for a long time, so who knows me and who doesn't wasn't entirely clear, but I went in one of my new dresses and got complimented once on my dress and another time on my boots, and while it made me super happy, it was from younger looking girls and I couldn't keep from wondering if they were just trying to be nice to the very uncomfortable looking transgirl >_<. I try not to worry about because I don't think I have a right to complain, but the damned thoughts always keep up!

As a psych student I want to do an experiment where I measure pronouns used while I'm present and while I'm not (in reference to me) to gauge people being polite over genuinely accepting my identity.

[androgynouspainter26]

Elly-

I've always fantasized doing the same thing!  It's not even about people accepting my identity for me though; I genuinely just don't want them to think about it.  I hate my trans-ness, and I'm becoming more and more ashamed of my bisexuality...I just want it all to go away.  And I don't want people to know either, that's the big thing.  For that to happen I'm probably going to need FFS though, and I know that unless I can get my parents to pay for it, that's never going to happen.  Thanks for posting...I'm sorry that you sorta feel the same way I do.

[Ellesmira the Duck]

I'm always happy to share. ^_^ I can definitely understand wanting people to think about. I'm always curious because at this point lots of my distant relatives and some family friends know but no one ever talks to me about it and I feel awkward bringing it up out of nowhere. Still, when people try to pretend everything is the same, it bugs me a little >_< but its better then outright rejection. I think I'm just too curious for my own good sometimes.

[antonia]

This is something I've wondered about as well but I think I stumbled upon a way to sorta gauge what people are thinking and if they clock me, this is in no way a fool proof method but it gave me added confidence in myself once I started noticing this.

These days I can go out without any makeup and pretty much nobody mis-genders me, my revelation was that people stared and looked way more at me when wearing makeup and a dress than when I was just wearing a dress and no makeup.

To me that means that people aren't looking at me because they realize I'm trans, they are looking because I'm a girl in a dress with bare legs.

I'm pretty sure that during my early days I got some sympathy "miss's" but it was different because it was accompanied by that "sympathy" smile, now people say miss even when they are stressed and pissed

[androgynouspainter26]

What I'm wondering is how can I know for sure.  I don't thibk I look super manly, but I still don't beleve I'm not seeing a boy when I look in the mirror.  How much of that is just me though...I'm not sure.

[kelly_aus]

What I'm wondering is how can I know for sure.  I don't thibk I look super manly, but I still don't beleve I'm not seeing a boy when I look in the mirror.  How much of that is just me though...I'm not sure.

Unless you can read minds you can't and never really will.. Ditch the insecurity and own who you are.

[StrykerXIII]

I would rather someone do it just to humour me. At least then I'd feel more comfortable.

[evecrook]

Unless you can read minds you can't and never really will.. Ditch the insecurity and own who you are.

ditto

[ImagineKate]

I'm pretty sure that during my early days I got some sympathy "miss's" but it was different because it was accompanied by that "sympathy" smile, now people say miss even when they are stressed and pissed

Oh my. The other night in newark I was at the train station  (broad street) bum comes up to me to beg. I say no. He calls me a "cheap ass bitch." I guess that is a pass?

[Zoetrope]

What on earth is the point of transitioning, if one is going to hate being transsexual?

[marsh monster]

What on earth is the point of transitioning, if one is going to hate being transsexual?

Lesser of two evils. At least its that way for me. I hate being trans, but I hate the alternative worse. Kind of like which critter you vote on for president, lol.

[Zoetrope]

Lesser of two evils. At least its that way for me. I hate being trans, but I hate the alternative worse. Kind of like which critter you vote on for president, lol.

I suppose you can look at it that way. To be honest I felt like that in my early stages. I did not look good, was not comfortable by a long stretch, but I consoled myself knowing I was actually doing something about my situation.

Nowadays though, I see only potential in this gift we have sought out and earned. With the right attitude, this can be the door to a brand new life.

To love and accept who one is - that *will set you free*

My little motto from another forum!

[marsh monster]

well, as you can probably guess, I have the username and avatar that I do due to the feelings I have about myself and being trans, but that's just me. I never have much of anything good to say about myself.

[Zoetrope]

well, as you can probably guess, I have the username and avatar that I do due to the feelings I have about myself and being trans, but that's just me. I never have much of anything good to say about myself.

The way you feel can and will change - I want that for you, too.

x

[Jill F]

I really don't care why people gender me correctly.  A lot of people know I'm trans, and it's nice when they are being respectful. 

I hate it when people gender me incorrectly just to be an a*hole.

[marsh monster]

The way you feel can and will change - I want that for you, too.

x

it hasn't after 11 years of hrt and 9 years fulltime. I deal with it as best I can though, I'm not angry or anything, I just don't like it.

[androgynouspainter26]

it hasn't after 11 years of hrt and 9 years fulltime. I deal with it as best I can though, I'm not angry or anything, I just don't like it.

See, this is what I'm afraid of.  I'd hate myself if I went back, but clearly transitioning thus so far has done me no good either!

[marsh monster]

See, this is what I'm afraid of.  I'd hate myself if I went back, but clearly transitioning thus so far has done me no good either!

I figure you do what is best for yourself given what circumstances you have. If you are happier being you now than you were living as a guy, then that's good and as I said in your other topic, give it time. I was way older than you when I started and I have stayed in the same tiny town where everyone knows me. Most people are fine, its mostly my own issues that hold me back too. I've always had a problem with self esteem, largely due to how things were for me as a child. Everyone's circumstances are different too, so what works for me or someone else may well not work for you. But time is on your side, that's one thing. And its likely easier for you to move. I own a house and the market sucks, so I'm not about to short myself on selling too cheap and I don't have a mortgage, so another reason for me to stay where I am.

And I'm rambling now. Its what old people do. 

[Erica_Y]

At one time yes for sure which is probably common for most. In the last few months though I have come to believe it is genuine as I have had enough experiences lately where I needed to out my self which confirms that they where not being nice they where being truthful and did not know I was a special girl. I found that there is a difference between getting treated with respect and getting treated as female and I am not talking about dating just normal life stuff.

In the end though you have to believe for others to believe which may be the harder part until it clicks and works and just is. That is what I have noticed anyhow.

[evecrook]

I just look at it that I am who I am. I've lived too long with pain that I didn't understand. I needed help and I desperately tried my best to get it , but the path was kept from me. I'm happy now I'm on the proper path , but so much of my life has been sad and lonely. Now the I have found my life , I truly don't give that eternal mammals rectum how I'm perceived by others. All they need to know is that I'm a good person.